I started a diet with my boyfriend at the beginning of this year on January 4th. We didn't start exactly on January 1st because i wanted one last weekend to indulge.
This diet is basically keeping track of the foods i eat to hit my "macros". Which are the proteins, carbs, and fats that i intake daily. We found my maintenance level which is at 1700 calories a day. This maintenance level is how much i consume each day to maintain the weight that i'm at. (Sounds like a no brainer actually.) With that, i have a limit of how much grams of proteins, carbs, and fats i can have within that 1700. And i will have to eat exactly that much proteins, carbs, and fats, but can not exceed the amount set.
The fact that it's said that i can basically eat whatever i want sounds like it could be a cake walk. First couple of days of dieting, i found that it wasn't too bad. I am now on day 17 of my diet and i'm finding that it is not at all the case.
Sure i can eat whatever i want...but if what i want contains high amount of fat/protein/carbs, then the rest of the day i'm very limited to what i can eat. Sure i can eat whatever i want, but i can't eat whenever i want. I really have to time when i eat. I can't just snack at my leisure. Every.Single.Thing. that i put into my body has to be "tracked" down into my eating log. Little snacks means fats and carbs. Fats and carbs that are eaten means that my ratio of fats, carbs, and protein ratio will be off. Which means, later when i may have to consume a large amount of protein with a small amount of carbs (i.e rice and chicken).
It seems to be complicated sometimes when i have to explain to them. It sounds like a lot of work. I have never been one to go to these extremes. I have dieted last year, to just look good in Vegas. I ate whatever i wanted within reason. There was a lot of self control, as there is for any type of diet. I stayed away from sweets and watched what i ate. It wasn't too hard then. In the end, i had good results. I was happy.
This is a whole different diet altogether, and i have to say that i am on the verge of losing it and giving up. Sometimes i get moody. The fact that i can't eat fruit whenever i please (because it means carbs) upsets me. I can't REALLY eat whatever i want.
My mind may need some more time adjusting.
Reasons why i'm not giving up:
1. I have started this and i want to go through with it, with the best of my ability. Till it completely breaks me and i have some type of break down. That's when i will quit. But i haven't reached that point yet, so i believe i should keep going.
2. I really want to see the outcome of this, because according to my bf if i continue with this diet i won't have to do cardio. I hate cardio.
3. I could end up looking hella sexy, so it'll all be worth it IF i make it till the end.
4. No pain, no gain?
I just want a chalupa right now and some potato chips. Also boiling crab. But...yah.
Toodles ~
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Dreaming
The other night, i had a dream that God was in.
Really strange to me. God came to my work and was talking to me, he told me Mary and his son was coming. By his son, i'm thinking Jesus. At first i was thinking it was Jesus that came. But then as i thought about how he had said Mary and his son was coming, i'm thinking maybe it was actually God instead cause his son has to be Jesus.
Although, we are all children of God.
I'm wondering what this means, very strange to me that the holy spirits have made an appearance in my dreams. I wish i can remember more clearly what he spoke to me about. Is this one of those holy moments where God/Jesus/Mary visits you??????
In my dream, he wore red shoes.
Maybe this isn't of any significance. Maybe it was because i was sleeping through my alarm, and that's why he was at my work. I did wake up late for work, but somehow managed to still make it.
Sort of hope i have another dream where they come, i hope they send me positive vibes.
Really strange to me. God came to my work and was talking to me, he told me Mary and his son was coming. By his son, i'm thinking Jesus. At first i was thinking it was Jesus that came. But then as i thought about how he had said Mary and his son was coming, i'm thinking maybe it was actually God instead cause his son has to be Jesus.
Although, we are all children of God.
I'm wondering what this means, very strange to me that the holy spirits have made an appearance in my dreams. I wish i can remember more clearly what he spoke to me about. Is this one of those holy moments where God/Jesus/Mary visits you??????
In my dream, he wore red shoes.
Maybe this isn't of any significance. Maybe it was because i was sleeping through my alarm, and that's why he was at my work. I did wake up late for work, but somehow managed to still make it.
Sort of hope i have another dream where they come, i hope they send me positive vibes.
This fall...
It's raining outside right now, and i'm sitting here thinking about how Thanksgiving is about a day away. But actually, my family will be celebrating it TONIGHT. So, i'm pretty excited about that. Usually, i like to prepare a dish for the family just to have something to contribute, but i have work and class all day tomorrow and won't have the time to do that. That's something a bit disappointed about. Preparing dishes is something Lena and i do almost every year together for the holidays. This year, she will be doing it on her own.
I always do try and recognize the blessings in my life each day. I suppose this holiday itself makes me really think about it on a deeper level. Kind of cliche at this point, don't you think?
I have a new niece and a new brewing relationship that came upon me this year. Two events of which i am more than thankful for.
My niece, Everly, was born November 10, 2015! I think she is the most adorable little baby. That's a biased opinion, of course i'd have to think she's the dearest of them all. I'm impatiently waiting for her to grow some more and start babbling and recognizing the world around her. She's boring right now, all she does is sleep whenever i go visit her. I've changed her diaper twice, and once out of the two she peed all over the place after i took her diaper off. I can stare at her forever (or more like for 2 minutes with a five minute break).
Pictures to come.
I have met someone earlier this year, who i think is fantastic. I've tried to refrain writing about him, more just because i wanted to keep this relationship more low-key than i have with the last in terms of writing about my adornment for him on and on.
Two new things in my life i'm very grateful for, but can't forget what has always been around for me.
It's been a while since i've been genuinely happy with myself. Things have been going well.
I always do try and recognize the blessings in my life each day. I suppose this holiday itself makes me really think about it on a deeper level. Kind of cliche at this point, don't you think?
I have a new niece and a new brewing relationship that came upon me this year. Two events of which i am more than thankful for.
My niece, Everly, was born November 10, 2015! I think she is the most adorable little baby. That's a biased opinion, of course i'd have to think she's the dearest of them all. I'm impatiently waiting for her to grow some more and start babbling and recognizing the world around her. She's boring right now, all she does is sleep whenever i go visit her. I've changed her diaper twice, and once out of the two she peed all over the place after i took her diaper off. I can stare at her forever (or more like for 2 minutes with a five minute break).
Pictures to come.
I have met someone earlier this year, who i think is fantastic. I've tried to refrain writing about him, more just because i wanted to keep this relationship more low-key than i have with the last in terms of writing about my adornment for him on and on.
Two new things in my life i'm very grateful for, but can't forget what has always been around for me.
It's been a while since i've been genuinely happy with myself. Things have been going well.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Alone
I've changed a lot over the years, in many aspects. I'm always surprising myself somehow, whether it's good or bad. A lot of my actions are questionable, and i wonder how much more i can grow from where i am today.
They say that you need to truly be at peace with yourself till you can truly be happy in your own skin. You need to accept how it is to truly be alone -- to be happy and alone -- otherwise you will always find yourself depending on someone else as a source of happiness.
I am happy with life, for the most part. In that case, "for the most part", am i really truly happy. Perhaps i haven't yet truly learned what it's like to be absolutely alone in purely the presence of myself. If i really think about it, i'm never really alone. There will always be someone there to text, a couple clicks away. Just to keep me company when i am alone.
Come to think of it, i don't think i know how to be alone. I get bored. I get lonely. And i just don't know what to do with myself. What do people do when they're enjoying their own company? I'm not that enjoyable for others to be around...i'm awkward.
Maybe these are the types of revelations i need to have with myself to really understand who i am as a person.
This blog post actually did not go in the direction that i had originally planned. I started off thinking that i am happy. I mean i AM happy. After pondering my thoughts, i feel like there's more i need to learn about myself. More ways i need to grow.
And once you think that you've had it all figured out, you really don't.
Toodles ~
They say that you need to truly be at peace with yourself till you can truly be happy in your own skin. You need to accept how it is to truly be alone -- to be happy and alone -- otherwise you will always find yourself depending on someone else as a source of happiness.
I am happy with life, for the most part. In that case, "for the most part", am i really truly happy. Perhaps i haven't yet truly learned what it's like to be absolutely alone in purely the presence of myself. If i really think about it, i'm never really alone. There will always be someone there to text, a couple clicks away. Just to keep me company when i am alone.
Come to think of it, i don't think i know how to be alone. I get bored. I get lonely. And i just don't know what to do with myself. What do people do when they're enjoying their own company? I'm not that enjoyable for others to be around...i'm awkward.
Maybe these are the types of revelations i need to have with myself to really understand who i am as a person.
This blog post actually did not go in the direction that i had originally planned. I started off thinking that i am happy. I mean i AM happy. After pondering my thoughts, i feel like there's more i need to learn about myself. More ways i need to grow.
And once you think that you've had it all figured out, you really don't.
Toodles ~
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Pills
So, ive been on birth control since i was 17 years old. Ive been ingesting the same type ever since, just because the physicians at planned parenthood felt that if i wasnt having any problems with what i was taking, there wasnt really a need to try different estrogen dosages or whatever it is thats in those things to help prevent pregnancies.
The problem was that i didnt know that the pills were effecting me negatively at all. There are all different types of side effects that you generally hear about from other females that are on birth control. There are so many different types of pills out there, and everyone's bodies react differently so you never really know what type of side effect you could possibly get from your birth control. We just all hope and pray that it doesnt get us pregnant, and as long as thats the case then we sit back, relax, and take the side effects as it comes.
Most common side effects that we hear are that it makes you more moody and/or you can add a couple pounds. Some ppeople are blessed and get bigger boobs or a nice ass - basically the fat goes in the right places. Then some people just get round all over.
I was definitely a moody one - real, real moody. But i figured that it was just a regular sise effect because thats what i heard happens. So i took it as a normal thung, and that its nothing to really fuss about. No big deal, as long as i dont get pregnant.
Its not like i knew the extremities of my moodiness. Eventually, i think i figured that its just me instead of thinking of kt as a side effect of the pill. I had all type of emotions. A lot of sadness, anger, short tempers, etc.
When my ex and i broke up whenever ago, i still continued to take the pill for "just in case, you never know" reasons. There was that point in time where i felt like i had some slight depression for whatever reason. (If youve kept up with my writing from during that time, im shre youd know.)
It wasnt till the beginning of this year, when i stopped dating and was due to go get a refill on my birth control, that i stopped taking the birth control that ive been taking since i was seventeen. I got lazy and didnt want to go back to the doctors for it, especially since i wasnt actually "getting any" anyways. So, i was off the pill.
Coincidentally, my outlook on life changed. As though the light in my life has fibally turned on. I felt as though i was in a really good place in my life and i couldnt be happier about it. I figured that maybe it was because i was single and am finding myself again. I told people that im just happier single, and i like the way things are.
However, unfortunately, i did get the perk of getting nicer boobs while i was on the pill, so getting off of it i believe that my boobs have gotten smaller. Im still unsure if its from no longer being on the pill or be cause ive been rigorously working out more so ive lost boob fat. Well regardless, i just decided that maybe i could go back on the pill in hopes that my boobs would come back. Yes, its that serious.
So, i started taking the same exact pill tbat ive been on since i was 17, again. About three weeks in, and all of a sudden i notice that im moody again. Even Lisa noticed. I felt unhappy out of no where, for no reason. I felt uneasy, unsatisfied, and completely glum. I was short tempered. Lisa and i had a discussion about it, and it hit us. ITS THE PILL.
Dont know all too well if its in my head or what. But i rather be happy with life than be a moody ass bitch with seemingly "nicer" boobs. I stopped taking the pill, i feel okay now, for the most part im not moody. Im going to be vigilent of how my emotions are and see if that negative state of mind comes back to see if my assumption is correct.
But for the time being, im going to conclude that my depressed/emotional/crazyass bitchiness of a person all derived due a side effect of birth control.
This all could just be a ploy to try and make myself feel better and believe im actually not out of whack. But who knows, really. Lol.
Toodles!
Journal
I bought a journal a couple months ago, because at the time i thought that maybe it wouldve been nice to have one. It just sounds cool - "i have a journal in which i write my deepest thoughts".
At this time, it was when i first started to develop some sort of sentimental feelings for some guy i was beginning to date at the time. Nothing serious, but i had just begun to let my walls down and consider him as an actual potential person for me to connect more emotionally with.
Anyways, so i purchased this journal at barnes and noble. Spent a good fourteen bucks on it. I stood in the book store staring at a shelf of journals and seriously contemplated on which journal was the one for me. Which one would make me feel like writing in it would feel just right. So i picked "the one". Fourteen hard earned dollars.
Knowing the mush ball of a "lover" that i am, the first two pages i wrote in that journal of mine was about how i met this guy that i was starting to have some sort of feelings for. At the time, i thought it was going to be something that wouldve worked out. I was completely wrong about that. That encounter with the guy lasted very briefly, that i barely even want to say it like it was actually a thing. It was sure not anything worth mentioning.
I became a little embarrassed with myself for what i wrote in the journal, that im pretty glad i never wrote about him publicly on here. Since i thought that was going to be something more an all. After those two pages, i didnt even want to open that journal anymore. To see my mushy writing about some guy who is now worthless to me.
Ive thought about tearing out those two pages and starting anew. But then those ripped edges would be there haunting me...and id know. Lingering thoughts that were once there.
Anyways, the thing with that guy didnt work out in the end because neither of us were really compatible for each other. I wanted a different version of him and he wanted a different version of me. Perfect example of: 1. You cant change people for your own benefit and liking; and 2. Dont settle for less than what makes you truly happy.
Well now that fourteen dollar journal is just sitting under a pile of stuff. Dont really plan on revisting that again.
And thats all i have to say about that.
Toodles!
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Single
So, i've been single for approximately two years now.
I feel that part of me is still damaged from the past relationship, but i feel secure with myself enough to enjoy being single. I don't know if that necessarily would suggest that I'm "secure", but i'll just leave it as that.
Partially, because when i come across someone that i even do remotely like, i don't know how to act upon it...and for some strange reason i've just come up with this idea that guys at my age who are into me are just into me for the fun.
At this point in my life, i find it really important that i get to know people that i meet. I'm not interested in being in a relationship, or casually seeing someone. I don't want feelings to be involved.
I feel that part of me is still damaged from the past relationship, but i feel secure with myself enough to enjoy being single. I don't know if that necessarily would suggest that I'm "secure", but i'll just leave it as that.
Partially, because when i come across someone that i even do remotely like, i don't know how to act upon it...and for some strange reason i've just come up with this idea that guys at my age who are into me are just into me for the fun.
At this point in my life, i find it really important that i get to know people that i meet. I'm not interested in being in a relationship, or casually seeing someone. I don't want feelings to be involved.
Untitled
I've been in a very happy state as of lately. I think this may just be the happiest i've ever been within the past four years, and it's great. I think this is why i've stopped blogging. I'm not in my head as much as i used to, and i don't think long and hard about things.
Even if i do ponder my thoughts, i never really have the urge to write about it.
A couple weeks ago, i was stressed out over something that happened between some guy. Well it stressed me out to the degree that i almost actually wanted to write about it. Write about it and share some "insightful" thoughts relevant to it.
I'm not even that insightful...but sometimes i feel like when i think deeply enough, my words pour out like it's something worth reading.
Honestly, i've lost my touch.
Well i thought about it and i figured that, i don't think that being in my mind as often as i was if healthy for my state of mind. Because boy did i think A LOT. It's nice to be free. All i can ever to manage to write about is relationships/love anyways. And every time i've been coming back here as of lately, i'd write about why i'm mia...
I feel that its better this way, that i'm not here all the time. But i also feel saddened because this blog is the one thing that i kept constant in the past couple of years. So i'm unsure what to do about it.
On one hand i want to stop because it's better for me, and all i can seem to wrap my mind around it love and the idea of love. And then on the other hand, i don't want to neglect this completely.
Even if i do ponder my thoughts, i never really have the urge to write about it.
A couple weeks ago, i was stressed out over something that happened between some guy. Well it stressed me out to the degree that i almost actually wanted to write about it. Write about it and share some "insightful" thoughts relevant to it.
I'm not even that insightful...but sometimes i feel like when i think deeply enough, my words pour out like it's something worth reading.
Honestly, i've lost my touch.
Well i thought about it and i figured that, i don't think that being in my mind as often as i was if healthy for my state of mind. Because boy did i think A LOT. It's nice to be free. All i can ever to manage to write about is relationships/love anyways. And every time i've been coming back here as of lately, i'd write about why i'm mia...
I feel that its better this way, that i'm not here all the time. But i also feel saddened because this blog is the one thing that i kept constant in the past couple of years. So i'm unsure what to do about it.
On one hand i want to stop because it's better for me, and all i can seem to wrap my mind around it love and the idea of love. And then on the other hand, i don't want to neglect this completely.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Meh
When you look at me, you see a fun time.
Isn't that right?
A sweetheart with a wild side. Nymphomaniac, perhaps? Closet freak? Not necessarily, in those terms. During the midst of trying to find some sort of safe haven, i've taken the wrong turn and gotten lost along the way. I'm in a place where i just want to have fun, and that reflects very much on my persona and how i've been representing myself. I'm not taking things seriously, and that may just be why no one else takes me seriously.
The way i've chosen to spend my days as a twenty-one year old, actually isn't really all that wild. It's just how i interact with people i come across. I actually spend most of my nights at home, alone. Quite the contrary of what it may seem on social media, of course. But believe me.
...
When he looks at me, i feel that he sees me as...temporary. I've been through a lot, so my automatic response is to treat him as temporary also. See, if i don't establish any type of feelings, i'd be less likely to invest them into someone. Therefor, decreasing my chances of getting hurt...once again. The stares are empty, i don't know what his eyes want. They linger on me...
I don't know what it's like to be with someone genuinely anymore. Which is crazy because just about a year ago, it was just about all i knew.
He's just bored and lonely and quite frankly, so am i for the most part. It has to be clear to us that we are at the very least, slightly attracted to one another though. There's no other way that this could persist if that wasn't the case. Sometimes platonic company is nice, with a little electricity in between...neither of you really knowing what to do with it.
...
Okay, i'm going to go paint my nails now, byes.
Isn't that right?
A sweetheart with a wild side. Nymphomaniac, perhaps? Closet freak? Not necessarily, in those terms. During the midst of trying to find some sort of safe haven, i've taken the wrong turn and gotten lost along the way. I'm in a place where i just want to have fun, and that reflects very much on my persona and how i've been representing myself. I'm not taking things seriously, and that may just be why no one else takes me seriously.
The way i've chosen to spend my days as a twenty-one year old, actually isn't really all that wild. It's just how i interact with people i come across. I actually spend most of my nights at home, alone. Quite the contrary of what it may seem on social media, of course. But believe me.
...
When he looks at me, i feel that he sees me as...temporary. I've been through a lot, so my automatic response is to treat him as temporary also. See, if i don't establish any type of feelings, i'd be less likely to invest them into someone. Therefor, decreasing my chances of getting hurt...once again. The stares are empty, i don't know what his eyes want. They linger on me...
I don't know what it's like to be with someone genuinely anymore. Which is crazy because just about a year ago, it was just about all i knew.
He's just bored and lonely and quite frankly, so am i for the most part. It has to be clear to us that we are at the very least, slightly attracted to one another though. There's no other way that this could persist if that wasn't the case. Sometimes platonic company is nice, with a little electricity in between...neither of you really knowing what to do with it.
...
Okay, i'm going to go paint my nails now, byes.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Hiatus
Wow. Hello non-existing readers!
I say that because i know that i once had some readers -- apparently...but judging by my lack of activity on this blog for the past couple of months, i'm sure whoever those readers were have stopped checking to see if i've come back.
I feel like i've completely lost my touch. One day i was writing about how i could possibly pursue in writing...an shortly after i feel like i've just lost my ability to write anything concrete; anything with quality substance.
Now this is also gibber-gabber. Lately, everything i've been writing or posting on here has been gibber-gabber. Either pictures, or nonsense. People read this? People think this is good stuff? What?
Weird.
I've been getting side tracked with my life. I guess in a way, whoever my readers are or were could be happy for me because or those past couple of months i've finally escaped from my head and took a little stroll into reality. I've always wanting to come back here though -- to this blog, to my key board, each night i think of it. I try to pull some significant thoughts out of my mind, but nothing comes. It makes me sad. This blog is really important to me, it's something i'd really like to be able to up keep throughout my lifetime. Dates back to probably sometime in 2007 till present day. Even though i've had some dry spells, i'd like to always be able to come back it type something up.
Click-clack on my keyboards in the middle of the night. It's the sound that i love to hear, so comforting....
Although, this here is all just nonsense too. But what isn't nowadays?
Are my thoughts really that insignificant, or am i selling myself short. Telling you about why i've been absent...shouldn't that be important?
I found that my most written about topic was anything about love and relationships. I really wanted to set myself up for something more and write beyond that. I figured it may have become redundant. I know that if there was something i felt strongly about, i'd always write about it...but i've really tried to stray away from those topics. However, it is who i am -- some type of hopeless romantic.
I could write about anything on here that i'd like. I feel like people would find reading about my life boring. I always forget that my blog is like my diary. Whichever case, i should write whatever my heart pleases....
Once, someone very unexpected said "Dude, have you read what Kathy's written? It's really good"
We were on drugs, i couldn't believe what i heard. Put a smile on my face. I don't know where to go from here.......Just wanted to drop by and say hello.
I hope i'll be back soon...i'll find a way.
Toodles.
I say that because i know that i once had some readers -- apparently...but judging by my lack of activity on this blog for the past couple of months, i'm sure whoever those readers were have stopped checking to see if i've come back.
I feel like i've completely lost my touch. One day i was writing about how i could possibly pursue in writing...an shortly after i feel like i've just lost my ability to write anything concrete; anything with quality substance.
Now this is also gibber-gabber. Lately, everything i've been writing or posting on here has been gibber-gabber. Either pictures, or nonsense. People read this? People think this is good stuff? What?
Weird.
I've been getting side tracked with my life. I guess in a way, whoever my readers are or were could be happy for me because or those past couple of months i've finally escaped from my head and took a little stroll into reality. I've always wanting to come back here though -- to this blog, to my key board, each night i think of it. I try to pull some significant thoughts out of my mind, but nothing comes. It makes me sad. This blog is really important to me, it's something i'd really like to be able to up keep throughout my lifetime. Dates back to probably sometime in 2007 till present day. Even though i've had some dry spells, i'd like to always be able to come back it type something up.
Click-clack on my keyboards in the middle of the night. It's the sound that i love to hear, so comforting....
Although, this here is all just nonsense too. But what isn't nowadays?
Are my thoughts really that insignificant, or am i selling myself short. Telling you about why i've been absent...shouldn't that be important?
I found that my most written about topic was anything about love and relationships. I really wanted to set myself up for something more and write beyond that. I figured it may have become redundant. I know that if there was something i felt strongly about, i'd always write about it...but i've really tried to stray away from those topics. However, it is who i am -- some type of hopeless romantic.
I could write about anything on here that i'd like. I feel like people would find reading about my life boring. I always forget that my blog is like my diary. Whichever case, i should write whatever my heart pleases....
Once, someone very unexpected said "Dude, have you read what Kathy's written? It's really good"
We were on drugs, i couldn't believe what i heard. Put a smile on my face. I don't know where to go from here.......Just wanted to drop by and say hello.
I hope i'll be back soon...i'll find a way.
Toodles.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Beyond Wonderland 2014
Today, i tried to sneak into Beyond Wonderland. I've never even attempted to sneak into an event before. I was really skeptical about the idea of it, but people kept telling me how fool proof sneaking in was. More so...it's really all about strategy and timing -- two important aspects that i lack completely.
I did not have a plan coming forth. Walking towards the entrance, i only had time to think for a brief moment. I was freaking out, to be honest. My mind was hectic, and i felt out of my element. What was i even trying to attempt to do? This isn't me, i'm not dishonest! It was almost thrilling...
I wanted to feel the rush, excitement of actually making it.
Three check points to get through. Check my id, check my belongings, check the ticket i didn't have.
I tried to bribe a guy, he would not let me in. He was actually kind of really rude about it, but i understand. I didn't arrive with my mind set that i will get in, no matter what. There was a lot of doubt. I tried a second time using a friends ticket, which also did not work.
That's when just about gave up. And i was by my lonesome self. My friends had tickets, so i told them to go in an have fun. I'd be able to figure out what to do.
The crowd outside of beyond, is one interesting group of people.
The schemers, the go getters, the hoodlums. I was part of that group today, wondering what the hell i was doing...feeling like a complete idiot for not buying a ticket. I didn't mind too much about not being able to get in though. It was actually sort of a cool experience, to see what the people outside of beyond were like. You never really think about them, till you are there yourself.
I don't really know what it was, but then it was nice a vibe regardless of all of our situations...
This whole experience sort of made me realize, raves are not really my thing...i think i'm over it for now.
Until next time...
I did not have a plan coming forth. Walking towards the entrance, i only had time to think for a brief moment. I was freaking out, to be honest. My mind was hectic, and i felt out of my element. What was i even trying to attempt to do? This isn't me, i'm not dishonest! It was almost thrilling...
I wanted to feel the rush, excitement of actually making it.
Three check points to get through. Check my id, check my belongings, check the ticket i didn't have.
I tried to bribe a guy, he would not let me in. He was actually kind of really rude about it, but i understand. I didn't arrive with my mind set that i will get in, no matter what. There was a lot of doubt. I tried a second time using a friends ticket, which also did not work.
That's when just about gave up. And i was by my lonesome self. My friends had tickets, so i told them to go in an have fun. I'd be able to figure out what to do.
The crowd outside of beyond, is one interesting group of people.
The schemers, the go getters, the hoodlums. I was part of that group today, wondering what the hell i was doing...feeling like a complete idiot for not buying a ticket. I didn't mind too much about not being able to get in though. It was actually sort of a cool experience, to see what the people outside of beyond were like. You never really think about them, till you are there yourself.
I don't really know what it was, but then it was nice a vibe regardless of all of our situations...
This whole experience sort of made me realize, raves are not really my thing...i think i'm over it for now.
Until next time...
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Matter of Choice
What i believe is that to love and to commit is all a matter of choice -- i mean, obviously, right?
More so, in the case of getting into something new with someone. Beginning to transition from friends to more than friends, it's a scary kind of thing. We have wants and needs, and we are very eager when we begin to have even the slightest bit of interest in someone. Then it becomes some type of training exercise to test how patient you can be.
The eagerness that comes over you, is almost a frightening thing. What do you do when you become too eager; we must contain ourselves because lets be honest, it's always a game.
We must play coy, and do so in a way where we don't show that we are incredibly interested -- only just a smidge. How does one even come about doing that?
To play the game, you must have game. Is there a book out there somewhere with the guidelines and "how to"s?
Back to it being "a matter of choice"
We are at this age in our lives where it is no longer really necessary to ask, "would you be my significant other?". When two people who share mutual feelings, it should just automatically become common knowledge between the two that they are both indeed "together". Labels aren't necessary.
Of course, it doesn't hurt to have a discussion to establish where you two stand, sometimes it can be hard to distinguish. Because sometimes people just flirt and talk...but aren't really committed.
So, that's what i mean by it being a matter of choice. How do you want your relationship with another person to be? Will it be one of committed or one of play?
_______
I lost my train of thought, and focus here...Hah.
Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Where's my muse...
More so, in the case of getting into something new with someone. Beginning to transition from friends to more than friends, it's a scary kind of thing. We have wants and needs, and we are very eager when we begin to have even the slightest bit of interest in someone. Then it becomes some type of training exercise to test how patient you can be.
The eagerness that comes over you, is almost a frightening thing. What do you do when you become too eager; we must contain ourselves because lets be honest, it's always a game.
We must play coy, and do so in a way where we don't show that we are incredibly interested -- only just a smidge. How does one even come about doing that?
To play the game, you must have game. Is there a book out there somewhere with the guidelines and "how to"s?
Back to it being "a matter of choice"
We are at this age in our lives where it is no longer really necessary to ask, "would you be my significant other?". When two people who share mutual feelings, it should just automatically become common knowledge between the two that they are both indeed "together". Labels aren't necessary.
Of course, it doesn't hurt to have a discussion to establish where you two stand, sometimes it can be hard to distinguish. Because sometimes people just flirt and talk...but aren't really committed.
So, that's what i mean by it being a matter of choice. How do you want your relationship with another person to be? Will it be one of committed or one of play?
_______
I lost my train of thought, and focus here...Hah.
Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Where's my muse...
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
20 in Vegas
Went to Vegas to experience the "Vegas" life for the first time, as an underaged "young adult". It was such a great time spent! "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" apparently, so does that mean i shouldn't blog about my experience there...Maybe in this case, pictures will just have to speak more than words.
I'll be back for you Vegas, in exactly a month from today.
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| Eclipse Daylight Pool party -- "crashed" a bachelor's party |
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| Cuteass Palestine guy that got us into the day & night club |
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| Jokingly asked if we can get a wheelchair, & succeeded! |
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| Pusha T |
You ever wondered what you looked like when you just let loose and dance around all crazy and shit? I guess it doesn't look as good as it feels when you're in the moment. They called me "wild child". I'm a gif on my own blog. Heheh.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Pure Lounge
What i learned is that, maybe the clubbing scene isn't my thing. Probably not something i can do all the time, otherwise i might catch "the ratchet"...and well, become ratchet. Haha, just kidding. But definitely not a thing you can do sober. At first we were sort of put off by the atmosphere. I mean, it was really fun and energetic, but we just weren't drunk enough for it. Some guy i think was hitting on me or something, and i literally told him, "Sorry, i'm not drunk yet." Or i think he was asking me to dance, that would make more sense. And then he responded saying, "I respect that." I sort of thought that was funny. Once i actually got a couple drinks in, i was good to go. I could've managed to be more drunk, but i had to keep in mind that i had work the next morning. Going to the club that night was completely spontaneous. Lisa and i had originally planned to go to one of my old friend's birthday celebration, but it didn't work out. In the end, i think we had more fun going to the club than we would've in retrospect. Haha. I love when things work out like that.
The group of people i went with were fun, and the dudes were real helpful.
July 12, 2014: I lost my clubbing virginity.
I think i'm ready for Vegas now! (Two more days, woo hoo!)
Vinent x Vicky
June 28, 2014:
Six days after my brother got married, my sister got married to her best friend. Really, her best friend. She's known him since i was in elementary school, that's a long time of friendship. Their wedding was definitely more extravagant than my brother's, but that has a lot to do with the fact that my sister is a wedding planner so she felt that her wedding had to have more of that "wow" factor to show her clients what she's capable of. She put a lot of hard work into her wedding, and it turned out very nicely. As a gift to her, i made her this faux six tier cake. Could have came out better, but not bad for my first try i must say.
I was part of the bridal party, so i wasn't able to take photos of the ceremony. It was outdoors like my brothers, but this time i was standing directly under the sun. The day of my sister's wedding i was running around trying to help get things done, so i didn't get a chance to eat anything the whole day except for part of a cliff bar. I ended up fainting in the middle of the ceremony. I really couldn't believe it, i felt it coming too, but didn't know what to do. Because i was standing in front of hella people at the front of the alter...after the ceremony, my brother picked me up and carried me into the fitting room. I thought that was sweet of him.
Well anyways, i regained consciousness after my mom brought me some food to eat. I couldn't enjoy the cocktail hour, which was a bummer because there was a lot of good appetizers being served. My sister had a bunch of last minute touch ups that she wanted to do before her reception started, so she wouldn't let anyone into the reception area until it was done -- life of a wedding planner that had to do her own wedding. Everyone was just crowded outside mingling and eating. I went out to try and get some more food for myself, but to no avail...it was way too crowded for my liking. Everything turned out really beautifully in the end, i wasn't able to get a good picture of the whole venue though. She always seems to out do herself somehow.
Her wedding didn't go as planned for the most part. Most of it had to do with the fact that her new husband was ridiculously drunk for practically half of it, falling all over the place. She had planned her first dance to be really fun and sweet, but due to complications of the bubble machine and a drunk husband, it failed miserably. Definitely fun to watch, and will be something to laugh at in the future. She's not too bummed out about it, but did wish that more things went according to plan. Something like that is a big deal to wedding planners. Not up to par with her standards.
I've always wanted to be part of a bridal party, but it sort of sucked to be in one. Bittersweet, i should say. I didn't really get to enjoy the wedding, because of bridesmaid duties. It was still fun, nonetheless. Made me just realize that maybe i shouldn't have invited my friends haha.
I danced the night away along side with my sister, who i never knew had moves to dance the way she did -- at her age especially. She is still so full of youth and beauty.
Six days after my brother got married, my sister got married to her best friend. Really, her best friend. She's known him since i was in elementary school, that's a long time of friendship. Their wedding was definitely more extravagant than my brother's, but that has a lot to do with the fact that my sister is a wedding planner so she felt that her wedding had to have more of that "wow" factor to show her clients what she's capable of. She put a lot of hard work into her wedding, and it turned out very nicely. As a gift to her, i made her this faux six tier cake. Could have came out better, but not bad for my first try i must say.I was part of the bridal party, so i wasn't able to take photos of the ceremony. It was outdoors like my brothers, but this time i was standing directly under the sun. The day of my sister's wedding i was running around trying to help get things done, so i didn't get a chance to eat anything the whole day except for part of a cliff bar. I ended up fainting in the middle of the ceremony. I really couldn't believe it, i felt it coming too, but didn't know what to do. Because i was standing in front of hella people at the front of the alter...after the ceremony, my brother picked me up and carried me into the fitting room. I thought that was sweet of him.
Well anyways, i regained consciousness after my mom brought me some food to eat. I couldn't enjoy the cocktail hour, which was a bummer because there was a lot of good appetizers being served. My sister had a bunch of last minute touch ups that she wanted to do before her reception started, so she wouldn't let anyone into the reception area until it was done -- life of a wedding planner that had to do her own wedding. Everyone was just crowded outside mingling and eating. I went out to try and get some more food for myself, but to no avail...it was way too crowded for my liking. Everything turned out really beautifully in the end, i wasn't able to get a good picture of the whole venue though. She always seems to out do herself somehow.I've always wanted to be part of a bridal party, but it sort of sucked to be in one. Bittersweet, i should say. I didn't really get to enjoy the wedding, because of bridesmaid duties. It was still fun, nonetheless. Made me just realize that maybe i shouldn't have invited my friends haha.
I danced the night away along side with my sister, who i never knew had moves to dance the way she did -- at her age especially. She is still so full of youth and beauty.
And this is a picture of my newly wedded siblings and i.
Wonder when it'll be my turn...
Congratulations to Vincent and Vicky
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Calvin x Christine
June 22, 2014:
My brother got married on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. And i mean beautiful. The whole day was just so magnificent. I loved how down to earth their wedding was; very small and intimate. The outdoor ceremony was just breath taking. I really loved how their wedding revolved around them as a couple, being that they're both very out doors-y types of people who are very simplistic. They definitely did not go for a flashy type of wedding, and in which case "less" was really "more" from where i stood.
My brother's look on his face when he was watching Christine walk towards him down the aisle. I took a quick glance at him, and he just looked awestruck while holding back his tears. I hope someone captured that look he had.
His vows were simply amazing beyond words. I've never seen that side of him before, it was just the absolute sweetest thing i've ever heard come out of his mouth. I've always knows my brother to be some type of romantic, but he has never shown any type of public display of affection towards Christine in front of the family. They don't really even seem to be that "lovey dovey" type of couple actually. What i see when i look at them are two best friends, rather than lovers -- however, they just happened to be two best friends in love. In a more literal sense at least. His vows were so touching, he wrote up a whole page of what he wanted to say. I was sitting in the front row trying to catch my tears because i didnt want to ruin my make up; serious water works. If i didn't care about how i looked that day, i probably wouldn't had all my my make up smeared everywhere by the end of it!
The reception was beautiful as well, unfortunately i didn't get a chance to take a picture of the venue. I drank up and had a wonderful time. My father got really drunk and started dancing with the in laws.
We danced the night away (till 10pm). My brother has gone a very long way up till this milestone in his life, and i couldn't be happier for him. I never thought this day would come, and it's finally here. It doesn't feel any different for me, because i've always just considered Christine as apart of our family. She's had enough Vietnamese food with my family during our family dinners, never understanding a word we're saying. It's about time! She's the sweetest person, and i'm glad my brother and her are together. I see my brother as a new type of man, and i respect him so much for being the man he is today.
My brother got married on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. And i mean beautiful. The whole day was just so magnificent. I loved how down to earth their wedding was; very small and intimate. The outdoor ceremony was just breath taking. I really loved how their wedding revolved around them as a couple, being that they're both very out doors-y types of people who are very simplistic. They definitely did not go for a flashy type of wedding, and in which case "less" was really "more" from where i stood.My brother's look on his face when he was watching Christine walk towards him down the aisle. I took a quick glance at him, and he just looked awestruck while holding back his tears. I hope someone captured that look he had.
His vows were simply amazing beyond words. I've never seen that side of him before, it was just the absolute sweetest thing i've ever heard come out of his mouth. I've always knows my brother to be some type of romantic, but he has never shown any type of public display of affection towards Christine in front of the family. They don't really even seem to be that "lovey dovey" type of couple actually. What i see when i look at them are two best friends, rather than lovers -- however, they just happened to be two best friends in love. In a more literal sense at least. His vows were so touching, he wrote up a whole page of what he wanted to say. I was sitting in the front row trying to catch my tears because i didnt want to ruin my make up; serious water works. If i didn't care about how i looked that day, i probably wouldn't had all my my make up smeared everywhere by the end of it!The reception was beautiful as well, unfortunately i didn't get a chance to take a picture of the venue. I drank up and had a wonderful time. My father got really drunk and started dancing with the in laws.
Congratulations to Calvin and Christine :)
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