It's 4:30am. The night breeze is making it's way through my fully open window. The blinds are down, only to let some of the breeze in - lightly hitting my forehead, and i take in the freshness. If the blinds were open as well, I'd be too cold...
I was in a deep sleep prior to this, but suddenly woke up for no reason at all...usually I'd be upset about this since I have to be up in a couple hours, but I woke up with thoughts filling my head. Good thoughts, thoughts that make me feel blessed. So here I am at 4:42am now - wide awake - with thoughts to share.
I'm practically 20 now (in four months) and here I am laying in bed, under the sheets sharing body heat with a young man. I have this feeling that I'm not sure how describe. To be able to share a bed with another person, who is a guy, is....just....I'm really at a lost for words right now.
It's like, when I was younger I imagined what love was like. What it was like to be my parents, my siblings who were in serious relationships. To have someone to depend on. I imagined what it was like to be older in such a scenario.
For some reason though, I never imagined that it'd be the way that it is. That I'd be 20 years old (which still seems young) and in love. That I'd actually get the pleasure of being in someone's arms, and at 4am as the cool air is filling my room making my exposed skin chilly, under the sheets his body is keeping me warm.
I've imagined this, being with someone. But it's noting as I imagined. It's so much more grand. It's almost a blessing. I look over at him as he's peacefully asleep, heavily breathing and it makes me filled with so much joy.
To love and to be loved is a blessing upon itself...a feeling too hard to explain, which makes this post a bit hard to comprehend the feeling I'm trying to express.
The most I can come up with is: to be in love is to wake up in the middle of the night, and not be upset about not being able to fall back asleep because the person next to you is so beautifully peaceful. Where you can't help but smile and inhale their essence. To think how blessed you are, then smile at the fact that you can just turn over and snuggle up by their side to easily fall back into a deep slumber knowing that in the morning they'll still be there. That now you just want morning to come so you can see heir bright smile and tell them you love them.
That's the best interpretation of how I'm feeling right now. Goodnight.
♥ ♥
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Judgment
Something that just seems to be inevitable in this society of ours: facing judgment.
Perhaps it's just us thinking that wherever we go, whatever we do, someone somewhere is watching our every move. But our egos can't be that high to always be feeling like someone has nothing else better to do than to stare us down and pick apart every action we make, can we?
It's why most of us have insecurities. Because judgement is a thing. Because most of us really do feel like, for the most part, whatever it is we do, someone somewhere IS in fact judging what we do. From how we're dressed, how we act, who we hang out with, the list goes on...
Especially with social media (such as Facebook, Instagram, twitter, vine, tumblr, etc.) promoting everyone and their moms to upload their lives for the world to view, negative judgement is impossible to avoid. We're all prone to it! And for most of us, it's hard to avoid because we need to keep up with the times. We need to post #ootd (outfit of the day) and all those ratchet #gno (girls night out) photos. These photos are really unnecessary to have to share with the world, but we find the need to show everyone what we're up to. To either let people know "hey I'm having a great life!" or "I feel pretty today". Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing...it's just a habit our society as fallen to. And before someone calls me a hypocrite - I do these things too. Well here we are, showing the world our lives, it shouldn't come to a surprise when people start talking about it. It's sort of like we make up our own tabloids. Celebrities get bashed on, we get bashed on by other minorities because we just put ourselves in that position to do such a thing. Someone will see your photos and have something negative to say towards it. It's going to happen. And that's when most of us will say "idgaf".
Which leads me to say that there's no privacy anymore. All 200+ of your followers know what you did last week, and most likely you haven't spoken to them since...graduation of high school. This leads to gossip, and if people care enough it's so easy to dig up information about each other because of all the information we just throw around. It's like we're unaware of it or something. Don't lie now, most girls are like detectives and can dig up information about someone else that recently catches their attention so fast. To figure out someone's hobby, likes/dislikes, music taste, the group of friends they have, and all of that.
At some point, people find out the things you've done in the past, things you've tried to escape, and you swear you thought that you did a good job a trying to keep that on the downlow as much as possible. But with people out there knowing what you ate last week...it seems like its just prone to happen. We then judge each other on our past. It's like you can't be a new person. You can't really reinvent yourself...it's difficult. It's hard to escape what you are now ashamed of. It just sticks with you...
Well we aren't all that full of it. I may have exaggerated a tad, most of us aren't that interesting for there to be people on the hunt for information about us...but really think about it. People know about you. They do. Whether they're aware of it or not. They know.
♥
P.s. it's 4:00am, and I honestly don't know if I made any sense...or even if I was able to get my point across. I sort of got carried away a bit. :x
Perhaps it's just us thinking that wherever we go, whatever we do, someone somewhere is watching our every move. But our egos can't be that high to always be feeling like someone has nothing else better to do than to stare us down and pick apart every action we make, can we?
It's why most of us have insecurities. Because judgement is a thing. Because most of us really do feel like, for the most part, whatever it is we do, someone somewhere IS in fact judging what we do. From how we're dressed, how we act, who we hang out with, the list goes on...
Especially with social media (such as Facebook, Instagram, twitter, vine, tumblr, etc.) promoting everyone and their moms to upload their lives for the world to view, negative judgement is impossible to avoid. We're all prone to it! And for most of us, it's hard to avoid because we need to keep up with the times. We need to post #ootd (outfit of the day) and all those ratchet #gno (girls night out) photos. These photos are really unnecessary to have to share with the world, but we find the need to show everyone what we're up to. To either let people know "hey I'm having a great life!" or "I feel pretty today". Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing...it's just a habit our society as fallen to. And before someone calls me a hypocrite - I do these things too. Well here we are, showing the world our lives, it shouldn't come to a surprise when people start talking about it. It's sort of like we make up our own tabloids. Celebrities get bashed on, we get bashed on by other minorities because we just put ourselves in that position to do such a thing. Someone will see your photos and have something negative to say towards it. It's going to happen. And that's when most of us will say "idgaf".
Which leads me to say that there's no privacy anymore. All 200+ of your followers know what you did last week, and most likely you haven't spoken to them since...graduation of high school. This leads to gossip, and if people care enough it's so easy to dig up information about each other because of all the information we just throw around. It's like we're unaware of it or something. Don't lie now, most girls are like detectives and can dig up information about someone else that recently catches their attention so fast. To figure out someone's hobby, likes/dislikes, music taste, the group of friends they have, and all of that.
At some point, people find out the things you've done in the past, things you've tried to escape, and you swear you thought that you did a good job a trying to keep that on the downlow as much as possible. But with people out there knowing what you ate last week...it seems like its just prone to happen. We then judge each other on our past. It's like you can't be a new person. You can't really reinvent yourself...it's difficult. It's hard to escape what you are now ashamed of. It just sticks with you...
Well we aren't all that full of it. I may have exaggerated a tad, most of us aren't that interesting for there to be people on the hunt for information about us...but really think about it. People know about you. They do. Whether they're aware of it or not. They know.
♥
P.s. it's 4:00am, and I honestly don't know if I made any sense...or even if I was able to get my point across. I sort of got carried away a bit. :x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)