My Hair

I love my hair.

It took me a long time to grow out, and to bring it back to life again. You know, after years and years of putting it through the torture of straightening everyday ever since i discovered the wonders of a straightener in seventh grade. It wasn't until probably junior or senior year maybe that i stopped going through the troubles of straightening my hair every day.

Sophomore year, i got a hair cut it was the shortest it has ever been since elementary school. It was only up to about below my collar bones, which isn't all that bad...but it looked pretty terrible because it was layered and short. So my shortest layer on my head was probably around my ear somewhere. I don't know, but i wasn't too fond of it especially with my awkward body and all. I just felt awkward. I'd have to say that it grew out nicely though.

So, i've been contemplating on cutting my hair short again after my birthday in August. Not hella short, probably just up to my collar bones again. But this time, i think i'll go with a hair cut that'll actually work for me -- hopefully. My hair is currently up to my belly button or so. This decision is a big decision, and many girls can relate. Our hair is our life, basically.

Truth of the matter is that, guys find females with longer hair more attractive. We as ladies, find ourselves more attractive with long hair. You always hear the regrets that girls have about a month or so after cutting their hair short, but you never hear a girl with long hair wishing they can go short again. I think it definitely has a lot to with how long it takes for hair to grow out again, and the decision to just go and actually cut your hair short aid an easy task.

My decision to cut my hair short is not yet set in stone...i'll see how i feel after my birthday. I want a change, but i don't know if i want to make that change my hair. I guess that's what stepping out of your comfort zone is though, to do what you're scared to do...

Well i posted a status on Facebook one night, wondering if i should go short or not and i got mixed responses from people. It's not like i'll really genuinely value their opinions to make or break my decision, but it was more to just see if anyone could tell me if i'd look dreadful with short hair. It is all based on the shape of your face, you know? I considered talking to a professional about it. Lol. Yes, this is really a big deal.

I got a text from someone that said, "No, don't cut off all your pretty hair" as though if i did, i wouldn't be pretty anymore. Or more like, if i did he wouldn't find me pretty anymore. Not to sound vain, but i really do get a lot of compliments on my hair. And strangely, guys like to play with it sometimes. Well i was sitting around and thinking, my hair doesn't make me who i am. Like India Arie said in one of her songs, I am Not My Hair.

Well if i cut my hair, and i'm no longer "pretty" to you then obviously you don't genuinely find me a "pretty" person. Because if you were genuinely into me for who i am, my hair should not matter what length it is. Is he telling me that he will no longer find me attractive? That he'd prefer that my hair stay long. I guess the new flash here is that i'm not here to satisfy the views of how you wish to see me. Sure, guys find it attractive when ladies have long hair...and i'll admit that i had a conversation with one of my girl friends saying that i wouldn't feel pretty anymore if i didn't have long hair. Most of the reason of that had to be because of the idea of beauty that is embedded into the society saying that long hair is beauty. Long hair is what sexy is.

Maybe a response such as, "you would still look just as lovely, even with short hair".
But i guess i don't really have someone that cares for me in such a way like that to tell me something so corny as that. "Simpin" shit, as some would say now a days...

Sweat

I've been sick for the past 2 weeks, and couldn't go to the gym and workout due to my illness. Last week i was actually starting to feel better, but would get tired easily so i didn't feel up to par to work out. So after being sick for about two weeks, boy did it feel fucking great to get back in it. Unfortunately, my mom is going to be leaving for a month for vacation and i don't think i'll be able to go to the gym...for a whole month. Perhaps i'll go with my friends or something. 

Is it weird that i sort of love sweating sometimes...specifically when i'm in the sauna. It just feels to invigorating, in a way. I'm not sure how to really explain it. Sweating when it's humid on a hot summer's day is not the type of sweating i like though. Haha.

I'm asked why it is that i'm so determined to go to the gym, like "one day wont hurt to miss" because after all i need to gain weight, not lose it. I'm not going to lose weight, i'm just going to be fit and tone up. But another thing is that, it makes me feel great about myself. If someone was to ask me what my hobby was, i think i'd have to say it is to work out. Someone told me though that it's not really a hobby...well i really don't have anything else i enjoy doing more than this. It's the endorphins i'm striving for.

And on a somewhat relatable note (since i'm talking about working out), here's a quote from Steve Maraboli's book, Life, the Truth, and Being Free. I found what he had to say really beautiful and inspiring.

"Get Off The Scale! You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like you capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.
Get off the Scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because i have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.
It's true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That's it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don't give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful."

Although i'm not striving to be skinnier, i'm aiming to gain weight and hoping to maybe even become thicker. I don't think that's really all that possible though because of genetics. Whatever the case, this is beautiful what Maraboli had to say. Skinny or fat, we all have our insecurities.

♥