1,2,3

Sorry! (Not like anyone really cares that i've been missing...)
It's not like i've been really busy the past couple of days, but i've been too tired by the end of my day to really want to write. I've also been in quite a crummy mood these past couple of days.

Monday, November 25th:
The only thing i could really think of at this moment that made me smile that day was the fact that i finished my project for ICS 11. It wasn't as hard as i thought it would've been. I finished it a lot quicker than i anticipated also. So that was nice. I stayed up late though because i was helping Steven with his project.

Tuesday, November 26th:
Well, I actually didn't get very good sleep Monday. I don't think i slept in a bad position or anything, but then i woke up with knots in my knock, and shoulders. It was terrible. I think that caused me to be in a bad mood all day. School was a drag. And honestly, sometimes being around Steven (my ex) just puts a huge downer on my mood. Idk.

Okay, i'm talking about negative things when i should be say what made me happy that day.
I guess the only thing i can think of -- since i had an overall bad day -- would be that i played well in volleyball? Lol...idk.

Wednesday, November 27th:
I finally had work today! Seriously, my boss is giving me less hours or something. Next weekend, i have more hours though. I think only because she's firing one of the new hires. I got less than $80 on my paycheck this week, i'm hella mad about that....

But i'm glad i got in four hours today. I picked up this girls shift today, because i wanted to get Sunday off so i can go wild Saturday night (if at all possible ^_^).

That's about all i guess! Goodnight, all.

Project

Sometimes, i feel like maybe there just isn't enough hours in the day. Not enough for me to have the time to sit down and blog on the appropriate day. It's funny though, because although i don't really even do anything each day, i still don't have the time.

Took Lena to the mall yesterday because she wanted to find a dress to wear for her birthday dinner coming up soon. She's turning fourteen. Boy does time fly....she's growing up so fast, and getting so mature.

Ended up just going over to my sisters last night, to spend time with my sister and Lena. We had a movie night, with pizza.

My sister and i then discussed the possibilities of me starting on a project that i can do, that correlates with her wedding business. I feel like it would be a good opportunity for me, just so i can get my head out of the ground (yes, the ground), and involve myself in something. So, let's see how this project goes. And how far i can take it. Hoping for the best right now! Wish me luck!

Svedka

I didn't really do anything yesterday. I really didn't...i just went to work, and then when i came home and finished running my errands i took a fat cat nap. It was absolutely wonderful, and very much needed.

That's basically all i did.

It wasn't until later that night, around 12, that i actually went out and did something. So, for the first time in my life i just got up and walked out of my house hella late at night and didn't tell my mom. I think it's funny because i've never done that before. Haha. Lightweight felt like a badass. A little badass. Heh.

My night went well though, i went to a party with my friend Yayda. Who was a real gentleman, i guess. He opened the passenger door for me -- who does that anymore? It was a refreshing thought.

It was nice to just be around people, even though i didn't really know anyone. I love the vibe of chill parties. People are just nice. I guess, for the most part. I fight broke out, but i didn't really pay much attention to it. I was just a bit tipsy, and it was just enough for me to enjoy myself as i sat there and watched people.

Came home, crawled into bed and just smiled to myself. I smiled to myself, because i went out and enjoyed myself. I drank, and didn't feel overwhelmed with emotional sadness. And i find that to be an improvement in my healing process. So i went to sleep last night with a smile on my face, because i'm happy that i'm okay.

ICS 11

So, i have to do a project for my African American studies class that is due on Tuesday. I want to try and get out of the habit of procrastinating, especially since i don't really do anything with my days much anymore. Well it was either interview someone, or make a family tree up to six generations. For whichever i pick, i'd have to write a five page paper and connect it to African American culture/experience and what we learned in class.

I decided to do the family tree, because i thought that the genealogy websites, like ancestry.com, would have helped me put together all the people in my family. However, that was definitely not the case whatsoever. It hella just stressed me out even more! I spent about four hours on that trying to find family members past my grandparents, but it was just not working out. I feel like it wasn't working for me because majority of my family is in Vietnam still, so they weren't really on file or something. Also, my last name is so common. So, i gave up on that, and decided to just go interview my mom. I learned some interesting things talking to her life, and what it was like for her during the Vietnam War.

Talking to my mom was the highlight of my day, since i didn't really do anything else. Actually, talking to my mom was the best part of the whole entire day.

I love my mom. :)

That's all i have to say for my day.


Oh, and i also face timed Henry today! I'm actually face timing him right now as i type. That was a nice addition to my day as well. ^_^

Okay, goodnight! Ta ta!

Good Day | Greg Street

I didn't really get any sleep at all last night after i finished my mini paper. I was pretty tired, but my mind just did not want to shut off. Ended up getting out of bed at 5:30am, because i gave up on trying to sleep.

Although, i didn't get much sleep, several things that i encountered in the morning, put a smile on my face:

Every Tuesdays and Thursdays, i go to Starbucks in the morning to get coffee before school. I don't usually care for coffee, but i go to school with Steven, and he's addicted to it. One of the baristas showed acknowledgment that she remembered my name! I've never really been a "regular" anywhere before. I told Steven that i was happy about that, and he asked me why. It's a small gesture, and i have been going there a lot...but she didn't have to remember my name. She just did. Whether she intended to remember it or not. I like it when people remember me, in whatever type of circumstance.

Also, as i was standing there waiting for my drink, this older man said to me, "smile! your drink is coming soon!" I may have been standing there, staring into space, and i may have looked upset. That's the only reason i could of why he would tell me to smile. But it did make me smile, him and his friend made a little small talk with me. I didn't quite know what to say in response to anything they were saying though, so i just smiled at them. When i got my drink, very shortly after he told me to smile, he said "see, i told you it was coming soon." Then i said thank you to him, and told him and his friend to have a great day. I really love it when people are really friendly, especially in the mornings. Mornings are tough! So if you can manage to be nice to the people around you, that's just a great thing.

On the drive to school, the song Good Day by Greg Street played on Pandora. That song instantly put a big smile on my face. I hummed it through out the day.



What a positive song, right?

So everything that i took note of that made my smile today, all happened before school started. Once i got to school, i was just tired and became quite stressed out! The rest of my day was just whatever, i wouldn't say it was a pleasant day. Whatever the case, i had a pleasant morning. Thanks to the people at Starbucks. Lol.

Purse

I almost forgot to come back and write my first post for my "happiness challenge"! I drank a little bit earlier, thinking it would have been a good idea to do my homework and drink. Well i drank a little more than i intended, and got a little bit drunk and had to hardest time writing my mini paper.

I didn't do too much today. I stayed in bed till one, for the first time in a really long time. I must have been because of the weather. Well then i got up and ate some food, and went to go workout with my mom. I usually go at night, but i've been going in the afternoons on Wednesdays so i could do homework at night. Yay for productivity! Or something like that...

After the gym i came home and cleaned my room, put in a new air freshener. So my room just smells so great right now! I love it.

Had some dinner, watched some Criminal Minds, and then fell asleep for about 30 minutes due to me drinking while i had my dinner and watched my shows. Bad idea on my part. When i woke up i felt so groggy, and was about to not want to do my mini paper. But i'm proud of myself to forcing myself to get up and do it. So, a brownie point for me! (I wish blogger had smileys that i can insert into my blogs...)

Good thing it was only a mini paper. Two pages, that is. Lol. Thank the lord. I don't think i would have even drank if it was a real big paper. Especially after today, i know not to do such a thing. I struggled a little bit, but when my buzz went down a little my mind came back to me and i got it done.

Anywho, just boring stuff today. But this Phillip Lim purse that i ordered over the weekend, arrived in the mail today before i headed off to the gym! I'm in love with it. It actually arrived right after i finished posting the post about the "happiness challenge". I was thinking about what i could even possibly do today that could make me happy, and next thing i know, i get a knock on the door and it's a package for little ole me.

I even took pictures. Hehe.

Cute little bag. This little bag here is the highlight of my day.
And...that's all i really have to say.

Off to bed i go. Goodnight, sweet dreams. Toodles. Ta ta. Sleep well, my friends.

Happiness Challenge

So, i was on thought catalog, and i came upon this article about a "happiness challenge". Of course, i'd like to do whatever i can to just lighten up my mood in any way what so ever (not like i'm in depression or anything though).

Here, take a gander if you'd like: http://thoughtcatalog.com/bhamini-lakshminarayan/2013/11/take-the-happiness-challenge/

The writer said, "...if nobody cares that you're miserable, you might as well be happy."

So, this will be my attempt at the "happiness challenge". Granted, i don't think i'll be able to keep it up for 365 days, but i'll try it until i'm in a state of mind where i'm just 100% content.

I might as well try and be happy. Even if i'm sad, i feel like it's a great idea to reflect daily on something that made me happy that day. It's sort of like tricking my brain. Or...looking for the silver lining within each day. I love that idea. To be optimistic.

When i find the time later on today, i'll write something. Hopefully i don't forget to do so. Hopefully i keep it up. I'm sort of excited. If i slack off, can someone remind me. Thank you, kindly.

I always want to remind myself that i'm blessed. There's people out there that have it way worse than i do as i sit here moping around about a recent break up, like it's the end of the world.  It's silly to think about really. Haha.

Be back later!

Rain

It's raining cats and dogs today as i write this. You know when you're newly single, when it rains you just suddenly feel sad. Because on days like this when it's cold and gloomy as hell outside, all you want to do it cuddle with someone and have a lazy day. I'm feeling rather indifferent. 

I need to get my head out of my ass and do something with myself from this point forward. It's rather difficult though considering i still have baggage tied down to me. It won't be till mid December when i'll finally just be free. People won't understand the circumstances i'm in, or why i put myself through this. I mean, i know what i'm doing...sort of. I just don't know why. 

Back to the rain thing, i woke up this morning to the sound of the rain. I just felt lazy, but found the rain to be rather soothing. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with sadness that i'm lonely and all. 

Makes me realize, i'm okay. 

C.S Lewis

Love Less

Marry a man who loves you more than you love him. A woman will always give more than what is necessary to her lover. It is ingrained into her, like maternity. But even when a man loves you more, he will still only be able to meet you halfway.

My mom would always tell me to find a man who loves me more than i could love him. In that way, i'm less likely to get heart broken. Because when i love a man more than he loves me, i'm making myself vulnerable to him. Making it easy for him to take advantage of the love that i give.

Another Blog

Please read this, when you get the chance to.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-oconnell/2011/07/how-to-tell-if-somebody-loves-you/

Opposites Attract | Kendrick Lamar

Sit and listen. Absorb the words, and do you understand?
Do you feel the words.

These are the exactly the reasons why i cheat on you...

And that makes me wonder, will i continue to be treated like shit, if i continue to love the way i do. That's what i want to know. Or will someone actually appreciate me, for the way i am. 

Maybe i should have been more of a bitch. But i take pride in me not being much of a bitch.

Vicious Cycle

A nice girl dates an asshole. He fucks her over, and breaks her heart. She is heartbroken, and unhappy. Filled with bitterness, she becomes a bitch. This bitch dates a nice guy. She ends up breaking his heart. And he starts to feel like all girls are bitches, so he becomes an asshole.

It's some vicious cycle.
I saw a little chart of the somewhere once a long time ago, probably off tumblr. It's not 100% accurate. But it makes sense, in a way. Don't you ever just feel like things are unfair? So when you get out of a relationship, you kind of just want to let yourself go and do whatever the hell you want. I mean after being committed to one person for so long...?

Why does the nice girl become a bitch, and vice versa? Because to be nice is to put yourself in the position to be taken advantage of. People will walk all over you, as though you're a floor mat. So, upon being fucked over by someone you love, you may just feel like "what's the point?" What's the point of being nice, if you'll just get taken advantage of.

So be a bitch, be an asshole. And then you'll be in charge. You'll have the say. You wont get hurt.

But does this idea really make sense? It's just a fucked up thing, it's a fucked up way of thinking. That once we get hurt, we lose hope? We feel like it's pointless to stay true to ourselves, and to the people around us?

I feel like i was a nice girl, who was fucked over. And although i feel like i should grow a back bone, i don't want to become a complete bitch. Never want to amount to that.

It's 4am basically. Excuse me for this rant, i sort of forgot where i was going with it.

All of Me | John Legend

PSA

This is my "public service announcement".

"True love is built on trust, and mutual agreement." Everyone is aware that trust is one of the main things when entering a relationship. It is part of the foundation of a relationship. Without trust, you can't really have a stable relationship. This will just get fucked up, and it wont last as long as you would hope for it to. So, you need to be able to trust your lover, and they need to be able to trust you.

Here's the thing. The second you go out and do something, and you think to yourself, "i can't tell ___ about this, they'd trip out"(or something along those lines), is the moment you've decided to hide something from them and in turn have reduced to lie to them to protect your own ass from any further implications. It always starts with something tiny. A little white lie. Eventually it'll be another white lie, into a lie, into a fat lie. Perhaps the more lies you can get away with, the more often you will be prone to just doing it, to do it. Here is something i found the other day while i was just browsing online that pretty much just sums up what i have to say about lying to a T:

"It's very true, but even the little things count whether it's a romantic gesture or a little white lie about where you were in the night before when you cancelled a movie date. That lie may seem like no big deal at first, but a pattern is more than enough to speculate otherwise. In any healthy relationship, your partner should have no reason to lie to you..."

Lying is a huge betrayal of trust. We should all know this by this time of our lives of course. I think that to avoid lying, we should just avoid the situation of which we find the need to lie about all together. If you're going to have to lie about going to a party, don't go. Granted, if you even find the need to lie about going to a party, the person you're with may be a bit uptight if you think they'll get mad. Which leads me to another thing. Just tell your love what your plans are. To hang out with a person of the opposite sex, go to party, what have you...the thing is, they may get a little upset or even a lot upset. But they'll get over it! As long as your honest about what you're doing. If they have some type of insecurity, you could tell them in detail what you did that night when you went out. Build that trust. Just tell them everything even if they'll be a little upset about it. Cause in the end, it's just great you didn't try to hide the truth. It'll just be really appreciated that you didn't lie. And heck, there's even the possibility of your boyfriend/girlfriend becoming more okay with you doing whatever you want to do. In turn, building a better bond in the relationship. Case in point - don't lie. Honesty = happy couple forever (maybe).

Now, i have another thing i would like to address, which could tie in with my whole "lying" rant.

For the people in a relationship: All i ask if for the two of you to be real with each other. (Yeah, don't lie.) But, beyond that. Tell each other how you feel about situations, don't hold back. If there is something you don't like in particular, address it. Resolve the problem. You two are in a relationship now, you both should be past the point of fucking around with each other's minds. Stop with the mind games. Stop trying to hint to him/her that you want something done, just tell them straight up. What good will it do you if you sit around trying to hint something that you want. No one can read your damn mind. Because if they never figure out what it was you wanted, you'll just be cranky...cause you never got what you didn't ask for. If you want food, tell them you want food. You want an apology, tell them you deserve an apology. You want to be taken out on a date, say so. You want sex, say so! Being in a relationship is having the privilege to ask for sex with that one person whenever you want and not get slapped in the face. Talk, talk, talk. Communication, people. Problems should be talked out, and resolved. Not ignored. Eventually all the little arguments that were never talked out, will pile up into a giant mountain and blow up in both of your faces.

Also, if you're bored, if you have thoughts of wanting to be with other people, if you even have the thought that sometimes you feel like you want to be single, etc...do yourself and the person you're with a favor and figure your shit out.

Don't go ruining something great you have with someone, because you wanted a night of temporary happiness with someone who can't possibly care for you as much as the person you have waiting at home for you

If you're unhappy, unsatisfied, or whatever...either fix that problem within the relationship, or leave. Don't make a fool out of the person you love by sneaking around doing whatever the hell you want, because you're unsure. That's just unfair to them.

Now to the single people, in regards to people who are in a relationship.

Please, please, please. I beg of you with all my might, and power. PLEASE, do not be that person. Don't demean yourself into being "the other man/woman" in someone's life. YOU should have the opportunity to be someone's number one, not the number two late night booty call because someone is unhappy in their relationship, and needs you there with them for the night. I know sometimes, it's hard to resist the temptation of someone you find attractive. But if they're in a relationship, and you're fully aware of this...stay the fuck away. It's that simple. Honestly, how can you really live with yourself knowing you're in the process of wrecking a relationship. I'm not trying to justify it in anyway, but one time and that was a mistake. Sure. But if you continue to do it, there's no possible way you can really be "sorry" for what you've done. You went through with it every single time.

If someone is in a relationship, it's a red flag. It's a no brainer, just don't instigate anything towards them. And if they're coming onto you, well then just don't play along. You should respect a person's relationship. If you were in their shoes, how would you feel. You wouldn't like some sleezy ass, nasty, hoe interfering with your relationship. So don't go home wrecking on someone elses. It was the golden rule that we were taught in grade school guys, "treat others the way you'd like to be treated". If you don't want your s.o to cheat on you, don't allow yourself to be the "sideline hoe" and let someone cheat on their "lover" with you. That's just low. That's just dirty. And i'm disgusted by anyone who in their right mind would knowingly be the home wrecker. Shame on you. So please, just avoid any type of situation that can potentially put you in the position to fuck up someone's relationship somehow like that.

If you're horny, and want to go have a fuck buddy or just fuck someone, go fuck someone who is not in a relationship.

In conclusion, be honest and be real with your lover. Don't hurt someone who loves you hella, always have them in mind. Stay away from temptation. If you're tempted, just think of the person you have to call yours that loves you hella much. If you're unsure, and want other things/are unhappy, just leave. Lastly, don't cheat and don't be a home wrecker.

That's all i have to say. Granted, i'm not perfect...no one is. I just want everyone to have a fair chance with happiness in their relationship.

Red Flag

"...but keep in mind anyone who lies with ease should not be trusted, period. This is a red flag."

Read this somewhere, and then it hit me. Why was i so damn blind the whole time.

Keep Ya Head Up | Tupac

And since we all came from a woman,
got our name from a woman, and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women.
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
and since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a oman when and where to create one.
So will the real men get up?
I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up

Keep Ya Head Up | Tupac