Journal

I bought a journal a couple months ago, because at the time i thought that maybe it wouldve been nice to have one. It just sounds cool - "i have a journal in which i write my deepest thoughts". 

At this time, it was when i first started to develop some sort of sentimental feelings for some guy i was beginning to date at the time. Nothing serious, but i had just begun to let my walls down and consider him as an actual potential person for me to connect more emotionally with. 

Anyways, so i purchased this journal at barnes and noble. Spent a good fourteen bucks on it. I stood in the book store staring at a shelf of journals and seriously contemplated on which journal was the one for me. Which one would make me feel like writing in it would feel just right. So i picked "the one". Fourteen hard earned  dollars. 

Knowing the mush ball of a "lover" that i am, the first two pages i wrote in that journal of mine was about how i met this guy that i was starting to have some sort of feelings for. At the time, i thought it was going to be something that wouldve worked out. I was completely wrong about that. That encounter with the guy lasted very briefly, that i barely even want to say it like it was actually a thing. It was sure not anything worth mentioning. 

I became a little embarrassed with myself for what i wrote in the journal, that im pretty glad i never wrote about him publicly on here. Since i thought that was going to be something more an all. After those two pages, i didnt even want to open that journal anymore. To see my mushy writing about some guy who is now worthless to me. 

Ive thought about tearing out those two pages and starting anew. But then those ripped edges would be there haunting me...and id know. Lingering thoughts that were once there. 

Anyways, the thing with that guy didnt work out in the end because neither of us were really compatible for each other. I wanted a different version of him and he wanted a different version of me. Perfect example of: 1. You cant change people for your own benefit and liking; and 2. Dont settle for less than what makes you truly happy. 

Well now that fourteen dollar journal is just sitting under a pile of stuff. Dont really plan on revisting that again.

And thats all i have to say about that.

Toodles!