Stressing; not

AHHH...school was soo tiring today. It was soo hard to wake up this morning. My mom came in to wake me up and i got annoyed thinking "why the heck are you botheringg me" but then i remembered its Monday, and i have school. Checked the time and crap i had no time to shower. Well i did actually. It was 630am, totally just wasn't up for it. Well since i showered yesterday around 6 i pushed showering at the moment just wasnt worth it. Tried to catch a few extra minutes of sleep. Ughh....not showering resulted in my semi-bad hair day. & on top of that i was paranoid of smelling. Ew i cant stand not being clean. Didnt even wanna give out hugs. LOL. But let me assure to you, that actually i still smelled lovely >:[

Im not exactly stressing out >> at least i do not think that i am. BUT THEN WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY PIMPLES?! Ahrggg. :x

Sometimes in my tears i drown, but i never let it get me down. So when negativity surrounds, i know some day it'll all turn around.
- One Day|Matisyahu

& Thats how i should see things. Stand strong, you know?

Snickerdoodles! I wanna make some. I need some help. I think i might make some with Christina, probably next week? If we are both free of course.

Gotta go shop for people's Christmas show outfits & help think of ideas? Idunno.
But i'm here at Jessica's service. (:

Also gotta go dress shopping for winterball! Which is on the 18th. Nothing too pricey this year, nothing too much. Just plain jane will do. Not like i will be having a date anyways. Haha.
Lisa should be enough for me <3
Reallyyy hopes Justine goes though tooo. Damn :[

Kay bye errbody! Sleeping at 10 or 11

Come out of hiding.

im curious about what went wrong... i may just be completely oblivious though about the whole situation, because i think i do know what went wrong and its all my fault.

Not a word, not a sound. Mere strangers now. Or at least on the brinks of becoming so.

Where are we...what the hell, is going on?....Dust has only just begun
-Hide and Seek|Imogen Heap

How perfect that i ran into this song while posting this. I really don't know the artist's meaning for this song is though, however when i heard that line what came to mind for me was how i feel about this. Gosh i sure do love this song. Its so mellow and just perfect. Kinda puts me into the mood of things, lifts up my spirits.

Mmmmmmmmmm......& i love the transition into Whatcha Say. The techno remix of this song is nice too.

Honestly though, i'm kind of scared of what we will become as people going in different paths. Afraid, knowing that i will regret everything. What im afraid of is loosing the perfection of this boy. Not knowing where how when i will find it. I'm afraid that in the near future...the thought that comes to mind of me will be "Ugh...she's a bitch, i hate her" Or something along those lines. Like the way i have heard it being said about the girls before me. Understand?

Dont come and ask me about the happiness of my life. "So are you happy now?" What is that suppose to mean? Am i happy that something is missing now, that life is really better now? Or am i just HAPPY. But then what i think about when that is asked...*thoughts have been lost

Just come out of hiding. I dont want to play this game anymore. Cant we just be civilized? Cant we just be friends without giving each other the bad vibes...

Living life to the fullest, finding anyway to be happy. I want to be happy. Then so be it i will. I am happy i will be happy. I will not fall, i will not crumble. I will be strong, i will learn. Because i have learned. Good experiences for me.

All i need is to smack a smile on my face. Shoot...its just perfect.

So ask me now am i happy, i will answer back, "Hell yeah, i'm happy" No questions asked, no need to think about it. Straight up, there you go.

It doesnt matter to me now what is missing, what is here.

"Because there comes a point in your life when you realize: who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future"

Though i wished that it would have made it that far.

CAMILLE I AM GOING TO FALLOW YOU ON BLOGSPOT NOW ! :D

Last day of break; Damn it. Those 11 days off with no school was good. Even though it was probably the laest break everr, it was chill. Hella not wanting to wake up early in the morning thotho. Shitt...

&here i am sitting at home, nothing to do. Typical of course.

Tata for now (:

lets see what thoughts spill

Haven't been on blogspot in a while...haha.
Poor neglected thing of mine.

Well hello there! Im on my Thanksgiving break, and so far the most exciting thing that has happened to me this break was seeing Tram at the mall and visiting Christina at her school.

So far...i have basically just been sleeping late, sleeping in and staying home.
Usually my Thanksgiving breaks are boring though anyways. Haha. Like last year, that was hella boring ._. I think last year for my break i stayed home and read New Moon. Lol. Finished that book in two days though.

Well speaking of New Moon I watched it on Friday with Justin and Lisa! Really, the Twilight Saga movies are probably the most corniest movies ever. Twilight itself was just horrible to sit through, and as excited as i was to watch New Moon, i couldnt stand to watch all those EdwardBella moments. It was killing me. BUT THEN...it was still pretty good. Better than Twilight of course. Taylor Launter, with his baby face was breath taking o: That nigga has a niceee ass body, fersuree. Like "Porn for little girls" haha. That could be true...nahh.

Now i wanna watch The Blind Sight < thats what its called right? Yeahh. The moovie looks good. Seems so very deep. I dont know. Haha. Or meaningful? Having been to the movies that much lately. Not many good movies playing, or atleast that im interested in.


Wow oooopsss, i never finished my post. Hhaha. Well lets see...recap on my day? Cleaned my room, watched Heroes <3><

I HELLA WANT SOME PHO THOOOO.....next time next time. Damn Justin just thought that was "too hard to eat" well i guesss hunnn..

Home now. Gonna jump into bed. Night booos. <3


ITS THANKSGIVING. WHO'S EXCITED? I AMMM

Football game tonight!

You see people sometimes, and they go through girlfriends/boyfriends like...chips, i dont know. But its like one after another. Just cause things dont really work out and they learn a little more. But then when they find the right person, that relationship would last for a loong time. Until something goes wrong again.

Or they could just be a player.

So i went to our school's last football game today. It was HELLAA cold. Oh my gosh. ): The benches were like sitting on ice and my tosies were freezing. Shoes dont even help. I wore shoes for a reason & my socks were spose to be thick too! It was alright, kinda interesting. Haha.

Had pho with Justin, Eric Liu, Justine, and Lisa at Pho Saigon before the game. It was yummy delicious. I wanted some yesterday but we had chipotle insteaadd.
I think the score was 24-7, we lost. ): Bummer. Played against Newark. I wish that one day when i go to a game again, we would actually win. We were doing pretty good ( i think? ) for like...half the game. Tied with Newark, and then i dont know what happened. lol

Im hungry again. :x

whoohoo!

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is OVERRR. Finally. I wonder what book is next on my teachers literature list...my goal now is to not fall behind, and stay on track with the reading schedule :x Not my fault this book is hella gayy.

Wrote an in class essay today about Huck's maturity level & fml i didnt even finish. -___- Im so bad at thiss. ): Atleast i was able to get in 4 quotes? Now my teacher can see how im bad of a writter i am under pressure. Then again, i didnt even read and understand the book like how i should have. So can't blame me! But she doesnt know that. I wonder if this is going to do any damage to my grade at all...and since i was in such a rush to hurry, i forgot to return my book back. I wonder if she will understand if i explain to her the reason why i forgot to give it back...i REALLY dont want to have to lose 5 points for forgetting. And if i do, well then crap.

Bombed the History test today. :l Damnit. Gotta do hella makeup work for that class. If my teacher is going to let me make it up, i should take that to my advantage.
I.Hate.History.

No school tomorrow guys, yet i still feel like going to sleep early. Feeling a tad bit tired.

I dont like letting my sister barrow things. It takes years for her to finally give it back. That lady still has my camera...UGH i dont know when im getting that back. Next thing i know, ill have to go buy another one. -_- What the heckk mann. And i hate it when she comes over and takes my clothes. I swear most of my blouses and jackets are over at her house. Its just pretty gay when im looking for something in the morning to wear and realize that she took it.

My Dog is so cute right now (:

Any plans for tomorrow guys? I feel like its friday...Nothing planned for me atm. Was thinking of something but now im having second thoughts about it. Depends on the other person of course then. Cause im totallly down.
*homework
*clean
*laundry


peace out my niggass.

faillllllll.

So latley, or just today, i did a lot of thinking. Spent the day with my mom all day. Went to wal-mart and had dinner with her and my sister, along with my little niece. Most of the thoughts running through my head today were about my mom, my family, my life...the future. It actually made me kind of sad. I think what i fear most is life after my mom. I dont really want to say it out or type it out. The thought it just too scary. Lets hope you all understand then. I love my mom. Ive spent my whole life with her...and i cant just think of what life will be like for me after.......THEN WHAT???? Im such a vegetable. Im such a....im not even sure the word for it. But i cant do anything. anything. I cant do anything at all. Im not so much of an "independent woman" I dont really know how to take care of myself. I cant cook. Oh my gosh, im going to die in this world. This is all i can think. Im afraid to be alone because if im alone im just worthless. I cant make anything of myself. What is the meaning of this. How come i am like this i want to know....I realized from my friends, that im such a little child. You know? Little children who depend on other people to be there for them and help them all the time. Little children who cant really figure things out. I never learned. Im never going to know. Now i dont jnow where im going with this. Basically....i fail at taking care of myself. Come on now, no one is going to be there for me when im older. And ill have to know how to do stuff. I cant even cook...im gonna be a fat lard cause i cant cook and all ill be eating is top ramen. KNOCK ON WOOD. AHH.*

I was looking at my niece and i was thinking about how my kids will probably never get the chance to get to know my mom the way she got to. Does that make sense...like when i was little i wasnt able to get to know my grandma the way my sister and older cousins got to know her. Shes just a blur in my life...and i dont really know her. It makes me sad, i want my kids to knoww my mom. I want my mom to be able to teach my kids certain things ill never get to teach them. Like speak in vietnamese for instance. Oh sigh...vietnamese is disapearing on this side of the family. Oh i love my mommmaaa. I cant believe how much im disapointing her, and she doesnt even know it. Wait till it hits her...then what. She was telling me today that all she wants is for me to be successful, and be able to afford everything i want, live an easy happy life and she will be just equally as happy. Problem is, i highly doubt that any of that will come true. I have a huge feeling that itll be just the opposite. Is there a chance that i can turn my life around from this point? With the classes im taking...i dont think itll take me anywhere but help me graduate from highschool. Then its community college. :x My mom has no idea that i have no hope. No hope what so ever...UNLESSSSS.....some state would actually count my "intermediate algebra" class as an actual math course, and unless i make up that F in spanish 2 THEN MAYBE, just maybe ill get accepted into that state. But thats unlikely, right? Does anyone know if i need to take chem for states...i think i do. Crap. That too then. Such a fat Failure -______-

and here i am talking about failing, and im not even studying for my history test tomorrow.
Oh Crap. Should i, Should i? Fuckk itt. I DONT WANT TOO. AHHHH fuck history ]:
whywhywhywhywhwywhywhwywhwy.... -_- I wish my mind was capable of memorizing things better. Then maybe ill be good in science too. Ugh.

Justin told me to get myself together if im going to point out all this, i need to do something about it. Now im seriously thinking about making up this wasteed year my senior year. By taking algebra2/trig and chem. So while everyone is realaxing ill finally be feeling that stress from this year...jsut a year later. Crap i dont wanna fucking do that! Okay time to think...what to do, what to do. How do i turn my life around.

Ironic thig. My mom told me today that she didnt want to keep me in milpitas because she didnt want me to get involved with anyone from there. She thought that people from milpitas were not such good influence on me...and ill just become a bad kid. So she wanted to pull me away from all this by bringing me to fremont, where the good kids were at. She wanted me to meet all these smart kids, so they can influence and make me want to do good in school so i'll be successfull. I think she kind of got all these things mixed up. I think the problem is, i just mixed in with the wrong group of people. You know what i mean? Either that...or i hella just didnt care much. I like the group of people i am with though. They got her fooled. She still thinks theyre good for me.

Oh my gosh, i feel bad. My poor mom...this means, i should do good. Otherwise...she wasted her time trying to make me make sometihng of myself. Was her whole thirty something years of her life to make something of her kids, to make them happy. Let them be able to get what they want in their life. I dont know! Too much thinking....
._.

Too much writting.

And justin says: Dont waste your time being a blog addict

sooo much thinking.

nice people

Whats your view point on jackasses?
Are they really truly jackasses or is it just to you in particular?

Most assholes probably have their nice sweet kind side. But for some reason they were just an asshole to you...who knows what you did though.

I really dont know what my point here is. I guess all i just want to say is, that person is an asshole but i hella did not derserve it because i never did anything wrong. But then just cause that person was a jerk to me, does not mean he really is a jerk. Because when that person was being fake, it seems like that person can really be sweet and kind like how he was pretending to be with me. To get his way?

Is that just attractive...badass, sweet boy. best of both sides. Fell for it. Learned my lesson. Know the signs. Over it.

Shows me how decieving people can be.

Jerkin 101

Who is down to go? Hit me up for Presales & more Info.

This is a cute song.

AND ALSOO...i no longer have "virus protection" or whatever on my laptop...so wheneve im trying to go onto a sit shit pops up like "WARNING: THIS SITE MY CAUSE HARM TO YOUR COMPUTER WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE" Its annoying and my brother wont help me fix this problem of mine. He said he will do it tomorrow though when he has time. BOOOO....

-_- because my Norton free 30 day subscription thing is now over.