Jealousy

I never knew what it was like to be "jealous" until now, or something like it.

I've been thinking. What is jealousy anyways? See, the way i see jealousy is when you want something that someone else doesn't else have. So if that's the case, how does the term "jealous" apply when it comes to your significant other?

Nevermind, i just looked up the definition. Bahaha. It has two meaning. One is being envious of others, and the other part is feeling suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship. And also, fiercely protective of one's rights or possessions.

So i guess in the end of it, i am feeling kind of jealous. In the sense that i'm fiercely protective of my possession. He's my possession. Well i've never felt this type of jealousy before, till now. It's not something i like. Haha. I can't help it.

Hey i trust him completely. And i guess under the circumstances, she probably doesn't really want him as much as i think she does. But jeeze lady, back the fuck off.

I guess in the reality of it, i don't like girls talking to him as much as he doesn't like talking me. Certain ones at least. But i never really felt this since randomass girls don't usually talk to him.

Never thought of myself to be the "jealous" type. But i guess we all have that protectiveness going on somewhere when it comes to certain things.

That's all.

♥

Hi, again.

When i first met you, i wrote a post about what i first thought of you. At first, you and i were pretty shy around each other. I always got butterflies, and i'd feel my face blush when you're around. However, although i was oddly attracted to you, you seemed to bored me. You bored me to the point where there would be times that i didn't want to even text back, but i would anyways because something about you kept me around and lured me in more. You appealed to me. I was kind of unsure of myself before. Not sure of how you felt, but i didn't care so much. I thought it was strange that you were still interacting with me. I liked it.

Reading back to this post made me smile. So funny the way things have evolved between us. At first i didn't even think we would ever start dating, let alone stay together this long. I had doubts about us, we were two different people. Completely different. I wasn't sure what we had in common, and even up till now we still don't have much in common. Well except we now have similar tastes in music, movies, and food preferences. We've only been together for a little over seven months now. Not such a long time frame, but it feels like it's been so long hasn't it?

Look at us now. Eight month later from when that post was written. We're much comfortable with each other. You went from being the guy that made me smile and made me blush, to the guy that would bring out real laughter out of me -- where i'd actually be gasping for air sometimes. Went from not having much to talk about, to just being able to talk about anything really. Or maybe even not talk about anything at all and be comfortable with that silence.

I never would have guessed that i would have fallen so hard for you. I never would have guess how much i'd end up loving you.

A little over seven months together, and you're still around. You've still stuck it through with me even though i can be a crazy nut ball sometimes. I know things have changed, we're so comfortable with each other now that we don't care too much about impressing one another. Things aren't the same you know? Because we all know the front that people put up when they first meet each other. Showing one another that they're a keeper. Well you're a keeper alright.

We've seen each other in all the gore and glory. The good and the bad, we've seen it from each other. We've seen each other as who we really are behind closed doors, and i feel like i can really be myself around you.

My family (especially my mom) went from not being so sure about you, to asking where you were when you weren't around.

You're the sweetest, greatest, and best thing that has ever came into my life and stayed. I really hope this continues on longer, because i love the fact that you're in my life. I love you so, so much, to the moon and back and to the moon and back again. I'm a really lucky girl to have been blessed by someone that treats me as great as you do.

I love you sweetie.

♥

Dating

What is the whole idea of "dating" anyhow? Dating can be whatever you make it up to be. Meeting someone who catches your attention and makes your heart beat a bit faster while having your face flushed. Dating can be just a fling for now, temporary kind of thing. Maybe its for experimentation.

The way i see it, dating is so you can find what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Finding the right person who suits you and makes your perfectly happy. You go through people like you go through foundations. You know, gotta find the perfect type of combination that will work with your skin. At the same time it has to match your skin tone nicely so you don't look like a clown. When you're going through guys, in some ways it's the same thing. Finding a guy who isn't a jerk. After a bad experience, you know not to go to people like the last one. With their good qualities, you keep that in mind in hopes you'll find that in the next person.

Hey, let's not set our standards so high now. No one is the same, and you'll never find your perfect match. It's all in a matter as to how happy you are with them, and the fact that the put up with all your shit. That's what matters.

It's not about the guy that cooks for you, dresses a certain way, drives a certain car...it's how he treats you and how he makes you feel. The rest is a plus.

So dating, it's to shape you into a more mature being. To help you know what you want in a man. To have you ready to handle him. When you get into a relationship, if you can't see yourself marrying them then you're wasting your damn time,

Keep that in mind.

Genuine

Maybe it's not to find love, but to find people who genuinely love and care about you.

I just applied for a job at Ulta and Starbucks, i hope i get called in for one of them. I need to start making something of my days, and doing something with my life. Realized that i need to get my priorities straight. Such as, not focusing so much on my boyfriend and focusing more on myself. I need to focus more on myself and what i need to do to make the life around me a littler more bearable and worth living.

Everyone is going around shouting "YOLO!", trying to live by the motto of you only live once. Trying to live life to the fullest. Yah i guess you do only live once, so make this life count. I haven't been doing that. You know how people say, live on the edge, be a rebel so you have stories to tell. My life story is a boring book. I have no exciting stories to tell. I don't have memories of my life where i go back and can say "holy shit, that shit was craaazy."

Currently my days consist of either my dogs or my boyfriend. I don't go out, i don't do anything. You know what the thing is though? In my past relationship, i told myself that i'm going to give the next guy i'm with my all. Knowing that i fucked up in my last relationship in that aspect of not appreciating him or prioritizing him, i wanted to do it right this time. Well now i'm thinking about it, and what's even right? I guess it's just whatever works...well here i am giving my guy my all and prioritizing him to the fullest that it's just not working for me. Cause it sucks you know, when you make someone your number one but then you're their number three.

This time around i'm doing it the say i would do it. I'm not doing it because i said i'm going to do it, well kind of but the other reason is because i feel like he deserves this.

Well i've been sitting here tonight pondering my thoughts. I thought to myself, i have found this guy that i truly love. I really love him people. Sweetest guy that's ever came into my life. Well i have found this guy that i really love...but then upon giving him my all and prioritizing him in my life the way i have, i look around myself and i have no one else. I have put him on the top, way top to the point where no one else is on my bar. I look around and although i have my love, i have no people. And then i realized...maybe it's not about trying to find someone to love that loves you back, but its about finding people who loves you genuinely. Although finding a significant other is such a blessing, what is life when you don't have people who love you to turn to?

Naturally, as human, we need more than one input to feel at ease.

Be Hopeful

♥

Apes!

Babe and i watched Rise of the Planet Apes tonight. That movie was absolutely outstanding! I loved the graphics, and the apes. Haha. For some part of the movie i was a bit confused by what the ape's objective was by breaking out of their "prison". I loved the way the apes were portrayed, especially Cesar. And i know it's all fake, but i was so in awe by how smart Cesar and the other apes became! I loved the monkeys. I cried at one part of the movie, because it was honestly just so heartbreaking. Monkeys sure are adorable, aren't they? Smart animals too.

Great movie. I give that movie 5 Bunnys on a scale of 1-5. :)

Nice Friday with my Boyfriend. We ran errands majority of the day, and then just had some Mountain Mike's and watched that movie. He has class tomorrow from 8-4 i think. So i'm going to be sitting at home enjoying my chick flick with my dog. Some alone time with me and my dog.

Last week of break and then back to the school grind. Don't think i'm mentally ready for that at all.

♥

Speechless

This was so worth watching and completely blew me away. I almost teared up a little by the intensity of his words!

I watched a couple of his other videos, like one where he was sharing a testimony with some high school kids and such. I could tell that this is a guy who was really touched by the words of God. Who really follows what he preaches. What i like about what he has to say though is that everything he's preaching makes sense to me. I feel like i can really connect with what his thoughts are. You know how there are some people who try to preach words of God to you, but in some cases it's rather hypocritical or seems strange to live by. I mean there are people who live by being completely innocent or completely pure of everything to gain the love of God and Jesus. For me, that just seems unlikely. I mean it's not a bad thing, it'd be great if i can live like that too. Be a total angel. However, i'm not. After watching his videos, i honestly felt better about myself. Because he's saying that it's okay to be a mess, it's okay to be sinful. He's saying that throughout everything, God will always love you. That God knew all the mistakes and sins that we were going to make, but he still accepts and loves us as his children. Right now, i don't feel so pressured about being a faithful Catholic. That as long as i believe and have Jesus and God in my heart, that's okay. That no matter what, they'll accept me and love me. No matter what, they'll never reject me.

Everyone has their own opinion on how religion should be played. I've heard things like this before, but i've never thought about them in this way. I never really absorbed those preaches the way i did with this. This almost had me in tears, and he was just saying things that maybe at one time in my life i've kind of touched upon in my thoughts but never really grasped it. You know what i mean?

Jesus sacrificed his life for us, suffered for us so we wouldn't have to suffer. It's okay to be a mess, because he will always accept us.

♥

Graffiti

Hm...the days a dwindling down. Basically two more days left where my boyfriend is completely free of stress over school. Sucks how just the thought of school can make one stress a little. I'm kind of sad that he's going to be so busy! But he got to do, what he needs to do to be successful. Even if it means going to school practically all day.

"Blogging is like graffiti with punctuations."
My boyfriend and I watched Contagion last night. That movie was pretty good. There was a scene in the movie where this guy was speaking to blogger and telling him how being a blogger is not the same thing as being a writer. And he said that blogging is just graffiti with punctuations. I liked that line; however i kind of disagree because blogging is just a more freestyle form of writing. But nonetheless, it is still writing.

Well I'm laying in bed right now typing this post up with my iPhone. It actually more of a hassle this way, but I was planning on sleeping because I have a bad headache. As I was laying here though, I decided to blog and put my blogger app into some good use.

Looking forward to last two days of no school stress with my boyfriend. It's rather bittersweet.

♥

iPhone Post!!!

iPhone has a blogger app! This is so exciting. I'm typing this up on MY NEW PHONE right at this moment, and the funny thing is that I have my laptop right in front of me. I've been waiting for this day to come -- the day when I finally upgrade to an iPhone.

Anyways, this really came out of the blue. I wasn't suppose to get an upgrade till September but since my dad decided to open up a line with sprint, I had the chance to get an iPhone. :)

I just downloaded a bunch of apps and I'm just playing with my phone right now. I got it in black, but I guess that's alright. I honestly rather have the black iPhone than wait till September for a white iPhone :p Nothing wrong with the black iPhone, only downside is that the white one looks good with a lot of the cute cases out there. I just bought myself a white speck candy case p line with red borders. I hope my phone looks nice with it.

♥

Lady

My boyfriend was listening to this on my computer earlier, and left it open. I love his taste in music.

♥

Miniature Golfing

Started the day off earlier than usual with my boyfriend. He drove my car home last night, and came back this morning around 10 to pick me up because i had a doctor's appointment scheduled at 12pm. However, they called me this morning when i finished getting ready to tell me not to come in. So we sat around for a little bit trying to figure out what we wanted to do today.

Ended up going to Golfland. I remember when we first started dating, he would always try to make plans to go mini golfing, but it never worked out because his friends were never down to go. We finally went today with just the two of us. It was probably my second time golfing, i think. It was a close game! We tied at the 10th hole, but i just couldn't keep up. The courses just got harder, and i was also pretty hungry so i guess i didn't put too much effort into it. Hahahah, idk. I'm just making up excuses. He beat me by 11 putts. Boooo!

We printed coupons online where it was one game + 20 tokens for $11 something per person. So we both had 20 tokens to go off and play in the arcade. We played a couple games of Initial D and other car/racing games. I am NOT good at those games. I keep running into the walls! He makes it look so much easier than it actually is. There weren't many games that really interested us and we had more coins left over so we went to the other side of the arcade to play the games that win tickets. I swear, i think those games were rigged. It was all so janky too. Haha. We just played randomass games and ended up with 69 tickets; which got us four airheads. :p

By the time we were done at Golfland, it was around 430pm and we were super hungry by then since we haven't indulged anything but coffee all day. We decided to go to Pepper Lunch at McCarthy Ranch to grub. The place didn't open for dinner till 530pm though. We considered just driving back to Fremont to eat sushi at Madfish, but when we saw that there was traffic building up we just drove back to Pepper Lunch and waited for them to open. It wasn't that long of a wait actually. Haha. Babe bought me some Fantasia after we ate. :3 Hehehh.

I guess we should have thought twice about eating so much, because my brother's girlfriend's celebration was tonight also. Originally, i was thinking that my boyfriend and i wouldn't go out to eat dinner tonight but we were so hungry and since we were in the area, we just went and got Pepper Lunch. We were still pretty full by the time her birthday dinner came around.

Like usual, my boyfriend and i arrived at my brother's house before the rest of my family. So, we went to his garage and played some pool to wait for the rest of them. My boyfriend and i played a couple of games of pool. I won once because he accidentally hit the 8 ball in. He pretty much all the other times, but there was this one game where it was so close! I don't understand how he keeps beating me at everything. -____- It's not fair. I need to find something that i can beat him at.

We did a lot today, more than usual. Golfing, Pepper Lunch, Fantasia/Quickly's, Pool, Family Dinner. I took him home right after dinner because he wanted to go home early to sleep early because he has a doctors appointment tomorrow at 8am. I have my doctors tomorrow at 11am all the way in SJ. I hate driving out there by myself.

I had such a lovely time with my baby today. :) I'm going to miss this stress free quality time that we've been spending together this break when school starts again. I'm going to be going to school, and he's going to be super super busy with De Anza, his CNA school, and possibly work. Gotta cherish every moment spent! It's going to back to the ole grind starting next week -- for him at least. I have two more weeks of break left, and i don't really know what to do with it. After this i wont get to see my boyfriend as often anymore. Sad, but we'll get through. Just about 2 months and he'll be done with his CNA school. Maybe it'll go by quickly.

In the meantime, i need to find stuff to do with my life. Haha.

♥

January 1, 2012

Since my boyfriend slept over at my house on NYE, i woke up on my first morning on 2012 with him beside me. Hahah. :p

He was still knocked out from the previous night, and i didn't even manage to get out of bed till 1pm. I got up and took a shower and cleaned up a little bit before waking him up. I didn't want to spend my first day of the year in bed all day, so i managed to actually get myself going. I got him to wake up, and took him home so he can clean himself up and get ready.

When he woke up earlier, and gained full consciousness he told me that we were going to go get some Boiling Crab. I laughed and agreed to that, because after the experience with Ray's Crab Shack, Boiling Crab didn't sound like such a bad idea. We went to the Boiling Crab on E. Capitol Expressway, and arrived there around 5pm. Got seated within 15 minutes or so and got seated at a booth in the corner of the restaurant. We ordered the same things as usual. Mmmm it was truly satisfying. Our first meal of 2012. Haha. Go figure!

Ended the night with movies from Red Box, junk food, and each other. I love this guy!

♥

Happy New Years!

Happy New Years everyone!

Hope everyone had a fun and memorable + safe New Years celebration. Haha. I actually forgot what i did the last day of 2011. O_O Well i know for a fact that i was with my boyfriend that whole day. Wow, i have no idea why i can't even remember what i did! Strange...now i'm sitting here really trying to think, but i can only recall my evening. I want to say that i went to the mall again, but i don't know.

Okay, i remember now. I don't know how the hell i could have forgotten this. We did kind of just planned this last minute right before he came over to my house. On Saturday, my boyfriend came over and picked me up. We went and got some Jamba Juice and returned a redbox movie. We then drove to Palo Alto! See, i don't know how i could have forgotten what we did because i've been dying to go to Palo Alto ever since him and i first started seeing each other. Haha. I've just really been dying to go to Sprinkles, but he's never wanted to. So when i brought it up, i was surprised that he was down to go there. Well the plan was to go to Ike's Place because i heard that they have really good sandwiches there and i wanted to try it out. But since we got Jamba Juice before heading out to Palo Alto, we weren't all that hungry just yet and went to the Stanford shopping center instead. We didn't really want to walk all over the place, because i didn't want to get back home too late. So we just went to Macy's and Urban Outfitters. I got myself a cute denim top, and he scored himself a nice jacket for $5! I was so envious that he found such a great deal on such a nice jacket, and i couldn't get a cheap jacket for myself. :(

Went to Sprinkles right after Urban Outfitters, and it was right in the Stanford shopping plaza! I've been there a couple of times, and i don't know how i missed that it was apart of the Stanford Shopping plaza. Got the two of us two red velvet cupcakes and a glass bottle of coke. ^_^ Hehe. We only ate one of it, and the other one is still in my fridge. Sadly, Ike's Place closes at 5pm on weekends, and i didn't even know that. I really wanted to go there, and it was originally the whole reason we went to Palo Alto. We ended up just going to Pizza My Heart. So i guess it was a bittersweet moment. I've always wanted to go to Pizza My Heart too. It wasn't as fantastic as i thought it would be, because whenever i walk by this place in Valleyfair it would always smell so amazing. Nonetheless, it was still good! They had really good cheese to go with the pizza. I enjoyed it very much. :)

We headed back home, and i got ready. I just touched up my makeup a little bit, nothing too much. I added on my falsies since i never wear them and thought tonight would be appropriate -- my boyfriend thought it was too much. The night went by so slow. We couldn't figure out what to do. He didn't want to come with me to join Lisa at the warehouse party in SJ. So we went and met up with his friends. None of them had any idea or plan for the night. I was in complete shock. These guys who always get together to drink, play beer pong, or even to just kick it with hella people were not able to make up plans on NYE. I had a couple invites, but since i could have only brought my boyfriend if i went and not his whole group also, it wasn't an option for me. We finally got to a party around 10pm. Which was late for me considering that the previous year, by 10pm i was already getting drunk. Haha. I guess i was just kind of getting worried that the night wasn't going to go anywhere. I got drunk with my boyfriend, or rather myself and strangers because my boyfriend got shitfaced and disappeared into the night. Lol. Ended the night with him yacking, and his friend taking us both home. I took my boyfriend home with me. I had to text my mom before hand letting her know that he was going to stay over, and she kept telling me to just take him home. I didn't want to tell her that he was drunk, and all i was able to say was "No, he can't go home. He's coming over." I was pretty drunk too, i tried to drive but dang that was so hard...i took care of him until he fell asleep. My mom heard us come home and came over to my room and saw him hanging off my bed. She made him some hot lemonade to drink.

It's the first night a boy has ever slept over at my house and my mom knew about it. LOL. I wish he was actually sober though. Last day of 2011 was pretty great, and i'm glad i got to spend it with my loveee. Everything turned out nicely. 2011 sure was a blessing.

♥