Untitled.

I can't exactly say what it is that draws me towards him. And i can't understand what it is about him that attracts other females. I just can't put a finger on it. People say looks don't matter, but it's looks that makes you even want to approach someone in the first place.

When i first met him, i don't feel like it was his looks that drew me to him. In fact, i'm pretty sure it wasn't his looks at all. I still can't figure out what it is. As time grew on, and as my love grew fonder, he became the most beautiful man i have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. It's funny how love does that. It makes the person you love become a god/goddess. Then i always look back to when i first met him. Scrawny guy and all. Looks was far from what i saw. It did not cross my mind once how "cute" he was. 

Yet now, i sit back and i observe. Now here i am, not in his arms, and there are what seems like swarms of females. Not really, just a couple. But it has never occurred to me, is he what i think he is? Handsome? So it wasn't just the relationship goggles making me think he was beautiful, but he really is in real life? 

Yet so why did people keep telling me i could do better. 

What was it that drew me to him, i can't put a finger on it. 

But i guess it doesn't really matter now anyways. 

This Woman's Work | Maxwell

Now...

Way back then, when beepers were a thing, before texting was a huge thing...teenagers and young adults all over would spend their nights in bed on the phone with their crush. But now...we sit here in the dark, with a tiny cube. With the led light shinning in our faces, texting each other in silence.

Sad.

Addiction

Anyone who has an addiction to anything, knows how hard it is to get yourself to pull away from what it is you're addicted to. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, what have you. And we all know how hard it is to quit cold turkey.

How do you really get over a bad addiction? Does gradually getting less and less of that substance to fill your small cravings here and there really help, the way you think it might? Is cold turkey really the key here.

It's an addiction, because it became a habit. It became something that was just part of you in one way of another. It's what you just fiend for, what you find that you need. It brings some type of "ecstasy" to you...

"I'm addicted to you"
This single line, is played in many songs. Is it signifying that being addicted to someone is a good thing. Or maybe its just a phrase to signify how extreme one's feelings are for another person.

Which makes me wonder...is it unhealthy to find yourself, in one way or another, "addicted" to someone? The thought occurred to me today...

"...you should love your companion more than you need them." I've written this quote up in one of my previous blog posts before. Really makes me think, now that i'm in the process of healing. I feel like trying to get over this past relationship is like i'm trying to give up an addiction. Trying to let go a part of me that has been rather constant for the past two and half years or so. Trying to let go of what had become a habit, a routine of my everyday life.

Perhaps substituting that addiction with another addiction...but what?

Fix It

"I can't fix it, if you don't tell me what's wrong"

Nothing can be fixed, if you never address the problem.

Advice from me.

Pain

I gave up on that happiness challenge thing. Well, i actually forgot about it because i have been sort of busy the past couple of weeks due to finals and all.

There has been many times where i've opened up blogger and started to write something, but i would never be able to find the write words to express my feelings. It's strange because when i'm down, that's when i think the most, but lately i just haven't been able to express them through words. My emotions are just feelings without words that can not be described.

These past couple of days, i have been a train wreck. Full of non stop tear works, and i just don't know how to turn this off. I don't really know what has gotten into me.

The pain of heart break is equivalent to the feeling of physical pain. But i wish so much that i was in physical pain instead of emotional pain. Because physical pain will subside quickly...emotional pain takes too long to heal.



I actually came upon this video months ago, before the break up. I didn't go off looking up a video about heart break, lol. But i had to go back to it, because now i can relate. And he's right. It's like physical pain, i feel it in my heart. I definitely rather have fallen out of a building and broken my leg, than feel this pain i feel now. But it is what it is, isn't?

Say Something

Go Away

My question here is: Are you happy in your relationship? 

If you have to take a moment to think about your response, i suggest you reevaluate what you're doing in that particular relationship. 

If you're answer is yes, then what in the world are you doing over here trying to bring up shit, saying shit like, "if i wasn't in a relationship..." type things. GIRL, please. Know better, will you? Get out of the damn relationship then, and make that IF happen. Otherwise, don't speak upon it.

How can you sit there in your relationship, and then go talk to an ex-lover about your past feelings. Schedule to meet up with the dude, and then say shit like "if i was singe". Basically saying that you'd be all for him if you weren't tied down already. 

Come on girl, please. Go away.

Christmas is around the corner, and you've been rather naughty.

Hoe, hoe, hoe to you my dear.