goodbye 2009

But first...you lying scum!

Good morning everyone. Yeah, morning. Cause i just woke up bout 20 minutes ago.
Last night was torturous....i just couldnt get myself to sleep! Ended up...falling asleep at 6am. Great...My sleeping pattern is just so messed up right now. I need to fix it or im totally screwed for when school starts again. AHH

oh'nine is coming to an end. Hm...i dont know what to say to that really. Had a lot of good times, met hella people. Had a lot of sad times. ( of course if you've all kept up with my blogs, you would know that. :) Learning learning and learning more. Grasping life with my hands, pulling myself forward, picking myself up. Getting stronger. I think that would be my greatest achievement.

Stronger than these emotions...wait no, i think thats totally irrelevant. But i just heard that song by Gabe Bondoc.

Needing to be in my happy spot. The happy place. With all the fried chicken and spaghetti there is to eat...and pizza. mmMMmmm...Fucking hungry right now.

Last night while i was tossing and turning tryna get myself to sleep, i was hella hungry. In result to that, when i actually fell asleep, i had a dream about food. Lots and lots of food.

a bit afraiidd of what 2010 has in hold for me. Who is gonna make me all depress this year, who will i meet, what will i do wrong.

But be optimistic right? It'll be as great as i make it.

Last day of 2009 and im bouta try and live it up. End 2009 with a mmfucccn bang.
Hell fckin' yeah...But first, i need some plans.

WHATS GOOD FOR THE NIGHT?! I dont know ._.
Too bad no one reads my blogspot, or i'd tell people to hit me up -_-

Party In the USA motherfckkaahhs.

<3 <3 <3 <3 Much love for my life. Much love for 09.
created hella memories this year, and im bouta miss everything a hell of a lot.
Gonna make some happy memories next year, and i'll be fuckign happy as fuck.


LAST POST OF THE YEAR! o:

Goodbye '09

whaaaatttt daaaaa fuuxxxxxxxxxxx....?!

OMFG! Extreme Bi-polar explosion. Starting fucking NOW?!!?!?

Oh jeeze...oh jeeze....omg omg i cant breathe...
inhale exhale inhal exhale inhale exhale.

omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg...

_________________________________________

Actually that was more of a mealtdown than bipolarness. ._.

Apparently though, there has been a girl around this whole fucking time. But damn, nah, i getchu.

Really though, right now i need to go get some fucking air to filter through my lungs and refresh my mind with some mothafckin ice cream. But shiet its too cold for ice cream...

Mmmmm....my mind is at such an amazing state. But my body is feeling like its going to explode on me. & then it changes and my heads pounding and twisted and dying.

i need to see someone.

Moving on to the next life...go, go...

Okay, guys im going crazy over here, someone fucking save meee.

oh gosh you got to be kidding me

day 3 of the last week of break...
& i am stuck at home again.
BECAUSE SOMEONE AINT DOWN TO GO OUT -_______-

i could just go watch Avatar with a certain somebody...but i dont know if im down to go do that.
But if all else fails, ill hit em up. But now, i dont think they're down to go watch it.

SIGH. WELL I GUESS?

& everyones busy tonight or some shit.
im not used to hitting up niggas to kiccit.
No one ever hits me up thoe either. Booo...

Maybe ill be back to blog again later about my gay ass night.

Tomorrow is new years eve. Better be fuckin craccin, with something to do.

& this is why im bouta keep shit on the dl.

im glowing on cloud9

what is cloud9 anyways. im not sure.
bouta "urban dictionary" up that shit.

a feeling of extreme happiness or euphoria, feeling like you're floating on air.

Oh..so thats what it is. Im not exactly floating on air.
but im pretty damn happy. LOL. Yup glowing on cloud 9

glowing

CATCH MY DRIFT?!

*mother...please dont come check up on me. ILL BE IN BED SOON!
its only 12 ]:

AHH!

Last week of break, and i gotta make the most of it. I JUST HAVE TO!
I am not having another week of NOTHINGNESS! I WILL JUST NOT ALLOW IT!

So far two days, i have sat at home, and havent done shit. So i better be doing something tomorrow, and i better be doing something Thursday, and i better be doing something Friday, Saturday and Sunday! ...okay actually...i needa stay home and do homework. Ha..procrastination ftw! (hey i spell procrastination right. nais)

For once, my mother let me go out at this time ( i bet she'll even let me walk out the door right now...) BUT the one time, my mom let me leave the house after sundown, there is absolutely nothing to do. Nothing at all! Wowwww...i guess. & on top of that, its raining. So my babygirl doesnt wanna stay out in the rain. But she said she would if i found sump to do. But there aint a thing.
(not like literally stay out in the rain...i meant like stay out while its raining..)

I guess i really just got ready for nothing. Well atleast i look nice now. :l For no one...
Actually i look like this everyday. Like when i go out, so its nothing special. Cause i was just bouta post up a picture of my face, the way everyone always sees it like.

you look so sexy, you really turn me on

What a small ass word this is.
Christina's friend, is cousins with my friend's girlfriend from Fremont. Damn the connections.
How cool. I wish that i had cool connections with people. Like cousins and shit. But all my family is in Vietnam...and the cousins here that i have, i barely know and theyre old.

My cousins here show me hella respect though, cause theyre suppose to treat me with respect cause i guess im "older" than them? But im only 16 and theyre like 21 +
idunno, some viet thing. Cause my parents are older than their parents, so they have to call me by "chi"

The other day when they came over and i came out, it was pretty weird...
i think i mentioned this the last time they came over though. Haha. not sure

Thinking bout crackin' open the bottle in my dresser tonight...

to start keeping things on the DL

DL: downlow. for those that dont know...

I havent thought of any new years resolutions yet. Or i have, but then they totally slipped my mind. & i think they were good ones too! How can i not remember...unless i was dreaming o_o

Sometimes i get my dreams mixed up with reality. Like i think something happened, but it was only my dream. How crazy is that. Cause i think i happened, but im not sure if it really did...so maybe it was just me dreaming.

Well i'm kind of like the type of person that pretty much shares everything with my bestfriends. The girls at least. I share everything....every little tinklet. From where i go, to what i do, who i'm with...etc. But like why not, keep most of that information to myself. Like the personal shit. Yakno?

Cause maybe they dont even need to know everything that goes on with my life. So i'm pretty much over that. Telling my friends absolutely everything. Because i mean, i like knowing things. But i think i only like knowing things, cause i let people know so much. Like...someones where-a-bouts.

I used to keep everything bottled up. But then after a series of unfortunate events...that went all bad BECAUSE i kept everything bottled up, i began to share with my friends everything.
Yeah, but i guess there are things that would be nice to know, and things that like...oh thanks for telling me, but doesnt really matter much to me kinda stuff. So i guess ill just tell people things when they ask about it.

WAIT AM I EVEN MAKING ANY SENSE?! .... do i ever -_-

something something...lost my train of thought...uhh

O_O....erm... eff my brain.

OKAY. WELL THEN....
next topic:

was suppose to go to basketball game with Justin and whoevers at 12pm today. But i woke up two hours late. Now im stuck at home watching Lena. Will someone please come home soon, so i can dash outta this house. I cant believe ive been home all break...again. Somebody save meee.

Went to sleep at 4 last night. Been staying up HELLA late now a days, cause i dont have school.
Mother came in and saw me on my laptop around 4, got mad...said she'll take it away from me. Noooo... :x

kay...now time to find something to do for the day. And figure out when fams comin home.
shiet.

where have...my fucking friends been?!?! no one fucking hits me up anymore. -_-
i guess im not that important.

then again...no one ever hit me up....cause ive never raelly crossed anyones mind -_- So im down with whatever guysss..

except Justin, i love justin. He always hits me up. Woulda been out with him today, but i just had to sleep in huh?

drunkass niggas up in here.

Just gonna keep this short & simple. and then rant a little...

My whole family is drunk as fuck, laughing their asses off out in the living room playing some drinking game. I can't play, cause they wont let me drink. If only they knew...but then they'd beat my ass. No drinks for the under aged sister. BOO!

They told me to join, but then drink water. Hell no, i aint bouta be the only one sober in the circle.

Hey now, drinking aint the shit. Honestly thoe...i kinda just love it.

& i dont give a fuck what alla yall niggas think. Just keep the shit talking going. HA!
cause i guess its true? I like to drink. So what. -_-

POPOS DONT GET ME!

we are all living up life. why cant i get drunk with my fam. Bonding time? Hell yeah, but cant. ):

hoping someone will drunk dial me tonight, thatd be cool. LOL
*stfu Kathy.
okay sir.

happy boxing day!

Today is Boxing Day. Which is like the "black friday of canada" - says some girl from tumblr
I NEVER KNEWWW. Till today...apparently there are hella sales today. Its like a black friday pt. 2! Damn. Missed two GIANT shopping days this year. Super lame indeed.

Whatever...i guess i saved myself some money. & plus i dont think i wanna stand in longass lines for days. Yup. Good was of thinking it.

& now for some holiday cheeer.

Happy Holidays From my Family to You! :D
245 pictures...yay for the holiday spirit. & i think these are the only pictures i have with my whole family & my siblings & my parents. Since we dont usually take pictures together...

__________________________________

Took so many takes of this. This was the best one. Haha. I dont like the white balance thooe.
HEHE arent my folks the cutest (:

Calvin: "Wait I look fat in this..."
Gosh we don't look alike at all.

Peanut (:

Merry Christmas Motherchuckers.

& this Christmas i lost my magnificent Shiseido eyelash curler. I am so aggravated. It was only 20, no not only it was twenty dollars. It was amazing and i loved it. And now its gone. WHERE THE HELL IS IT?!?!??........
*Camille if you read this, did you happen to find it somewhere in your house?...cause it mightve fell out of my bag (atleast now im hoping)

I seem to loose everything at SPCL. Like last year i lost 100 dollars around Christmas time...actually it was around thanksgiving during like some practice. So i learned not to bring anything hella valuable there. & now my eyelash curler.

hella worked up over an eyelash curler. well it aint cheap nigga! >:[
(wrote something here, related to that ^ but it got deleted somehow...)

Merry Christmas everyone!
I just got finished opening gifts with my family. * Yeah at night, on Christmas eve, European style baby! Atleast thats what Lisa calls it? So...im just gonna call it that. Never knew tho!

Its always been like that though, my family never waits till morning to open up gifts. Only one year we did that because we had a hugeass get together, and when that was over my parents were too tired to stay up to open gifts.

So apparently...all these years...Santa Clause has been my daddy. I thought there was something fishy. BUT I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT IT WAS SANTA!...cause one year i woke up ran to the chimney, the cookies were gone and the milk was drinken...and there laid a barbie. Her name was Chelsea, and she came with a little scooter car! I forgot what kinda barbie she was. Gosh i hella happy...and i hella thought it was Santa.

Wow is my dad clever, going out to get me a barbie. I think i still would have believed that all these years, Santa left me gifts if my dad never told me it was him. Cause i was watching Santa Clause 2 with him one day...and he was telling me how great it is that kids believe in Santa, and we should never take that away from them. I dont know.

Santa MUST be real...right? I dont even know anymore. Maybe im too old now -_-

I remember when i was hella little i was afraid of growing up because i thought that Santa wouldnt give gifts to older kids...well theres that. Im older now, and he isnt even real ):

So many Christmas memories, would love to share, but maybe next year!

- Nothing great given to me this year. Like every year though, so im not trippin balllssss. Guess i shoulda sent out a wishlist to my sister and brother! Everyone was telling me how they had no idea what to get me cause i ddint give them a list of what i wanted...great. Like i knew they would have actually gotten me what i wanted -_-

Lena basically got everything she wanted. From a Teckdeck skateboard thing to a bopit toy, to a nice ass ipod nano. Jealous? HELL YEAH! LOL. i reacted more to that ipod then she did...

pictures coming sooon
i took all my christmas pictures with my brother's camera(:
SO I THINK THEYRE GONNA TURN OUT GORGEOUSS.
im so excited. hehehe. but he's gonna send them all to me tomorrow...he better. i cant wait too long for it. im impatient.

yay! i love family pictures.

KAY NIGHT EVERYONE AND MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN! <3

oh fml

fml
fml
fml
fml
fml
fml
fml
fml
x100

...why is this happening to me.
i have this huge guilt on my shoulders.

ptfo.
gtfo.
stfu.

pussyass shit. why are you back?

no title.

ill give u that damn time machine.
so you can go back 2 years into the past. including the time where you met me, and make that not happen. Yeah? hows that.

two fucking years ago when you were with your damn ex girlfriend.

a year ago...when we never met.
and when all my troubles NEVER happened.

screw you. i deserve much better than whatever youre giving me. and honestly you deserve better than me too.

we are two puzzle pieces that do not fit.

bunch of lies and bullshit. seriously no shit..

time to go live my damn life. God im free. and im fucking happy. and smiling cause fuckyeah.

lifes good.

i hate you

always and forever.

and im not saying sorry. because i did nothing. and idgaf about what you say as of right now.
say what you want. i aint listening. accuse me of whatever, call me names, put me down. It wont fade me.

i do what i do, because i want to and i have my own mind and i control my own self. i dont have anyone telling me what to do. everything i do is because i want to do it.

i am here. alive. stronger than ever.

and nothing you say or do will put me down. i will not shed a tear.

im gonna beat you. beat you hard.

because NOW im done with you and your pussyass piece of shit. I dont want to hear a word from you. i cringe at the sound of your name.

lifes cruel. and all you do is make me wanna put a knife through my heart.

and i hate you because you blame everything on me. because youre not fixing it. Im not gonna give it. i will not be the bigger person. im not saying sorry. i always do.
if everything you have ever said to me was all recorded, you would be able to hear what you sound like when youre bitching at me. Because you dont realize how mean you are. what an ass you sound like.

i realize what i sound like, because i too sound like some bitch. Atleast i see it.

tables have turned.

stop fucking quoting me. Son of a bitch

cause im just cold hearted right? you fucking always contradict yourself. im not taking anything nice you say to me into consideration anymore. ill take all of those bullshit words as...yeah a bunch of bullshit. cause everything negative thing you say about me is considered the truth, in your eyes. Fine with me.

and maybe this will affect me in what kind of person i will be when im older.

i have a serious problem and i need help. but there is no one. and i am alone.

i am suicidal.

fuck kathys crazy

There is only one person

in this world that would make me angry, and would have me result that anger into tears.
And i thought i got rid of it.

This post was suppose to be about something else...

*as you, the reader, can see...it seems like im going through some difficulties.

I feel sick right now. Im really exhausted at the moment, but i dont want to sleep. And my throat feels funny and i dont know why. Sleepy...

Seems like my life is kind of going down right now. Hell yeah, cause the economy sucks. Even though it picked up it seems like its getting worse on my part. Apparently the house i used to live in, in Union City, has never been sold. Its still my parent's property. We were unable to sell it, so we still own it. & we rented it out to some family (i think?) Well this damn house is causing us problems! We're in major debt, getting poor poor poor. And we have to pay for two damn houses?! What the crazy! That house needs to go. But who the hell is going to try and buy a house now in this economy. Ugh. Screwing us over man. It fucking sucks too.

Dad's getting to the age of retirement. Or something of that sort. With his business, no one is really trying to get anything done with their house or tryna get a house remodeled, yet again because of the economy. Which is bad on our behalf cause my dad needs those clients for dinero. But they arent coming by for the services. Doesnt look too good.

So basically now, my mom is on her own trying to make money to support the family. My sister is trying to gain more business with her wedding thing to help my mom make money to support the family. & my brother has to wait for my sister to have clients for him to have clients (hes a photographer) or like for people to want him to take pictures? i dont even know! im pretty much clueless in whats going on with my family financially...well just in general actually.

Deng i need a job. I need to help. Cause its to a point where its like wow...i cant believe whats goign on. Reality seriously just smacked me in the face. And ive lived all my life in complete decency, unaware of the troubles. I feel pretty damn spoiled to be even complaining about anything thats going on. But really, im very sad.
*i have stopped eating lunch. Eventually this will add up to big bucks. Hopefully?
good thing i havent had much of an appetite lately.

Last time i've been to Vietnam? Oh geeze, it was such a long time ago...probably the summer going into seventh grade. I miss it there, and i have been wanting to go back to visit in such a long time. Never was able to though. Cause my mom whenever we decide to go to Vietnam, it would be during the summer for a month. And since im such a damn fuckup, i have to go to summer school every year...and cant go visit family.
And i cant believe how long its been. My great aunt (yup!great...the only great left) is really sick. She's like 80 something now. Youngest child in her generation. Well she's really sick, she has been in the hospital for i dont know how long but they just sent her back home because they can no longer give her aid...cause there is nothing that they can do now.
In my life i have only lost one person that mattered to me. That i actually knew...that i actually remembered. Its nothing compared to what others endure but wow. Tough times right now.
My mom was telling me about what my great aunt was telling her sisters. That even with her being so sickly and what not, she told my aunts that she wanted to go back to her home town and get my mom fruits and send it go America, cause my mom hasnt went down to see her in such a long time. And its all my fault...because i fucked up all those years and held my mom back, cause my mom wont just simply leave me here alone. Im just kind of speechless...
But then again, what is there to say about something like this?

Everyone is growing to their old age. And its almost time...and now we have to go visit.

I just have to say to Lisa, that youre a very strong girl with the way you are handling your situations. Because we all know how much weaker and sensitive i am about certain things. But im glad things are brightening up for you and i just hope it continues to get better.

...but my mind drifted off and i got carried away

well no, im happy

im happy because this person makes me glow...in the dark.
thanks.

-see? moodswings. i getchu!

"fcking sick of her moodswings"

Damn...i wish i could drive. I need to drive myself over to F21 so i can steal a button from a peacoat to sew onto the sleeve of my jacket. Damn coat didnt come with an extra button. The ONE time i actually need an extra button, the coat didnt provide it for me. What the nonsense is this? I mean every single time i get something with buttons, there are extra buttons included and i NEVER need them. -___- Good one.

Okay, so i get it. I have heard it before. Its not the first time! I'm a moody girl. Hell yeah i am. My mood swings are off the charts. Damn i'd feel bad for the guy that has to be stuck with me to deal with. But then again, its just like that with SOME people. Actually not even some...just two people. One more than the other.

& right now im feeling it. If i were to talk to one of those two, i would go crazy. Got to let it out.
This feeling im having is making me sick. Like i feel like i want to cry, or yack. I dont even know what kind of feeling it is. Kinda a mixture of those two. LOL. Or i need to scream.
Scream, Cry, and Yack. Nice combination of feelings, yeah?

sick of my moodswings? oh yeah? well im fcking sick of you. No im not, youre sick of me.
Live & Learn. If youre sick of me, then youre sick of me. Im not going to do anything to make you loose that feeling.

People are in my life for a reason. & if theyre gone...well good riddance. Im sorry that i was terrible. Youre not around cause you chose for it to be that way. And youre not around cause i chose for it to be that way. God fckin damnit! THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

All i want to say it fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. Cause i didnt do shit.
but thenn......thats the problem. i didnt do anything because i never do anything and thats exactly the point of this situation. And now, once again all fingers point to me. All the blame goes to me. Im guilty, and this is my punishment.

Blahblahblah. Cry more Kathy.

*just get wasted. Wasted wasted. Drown. Yum

winter = dried skin for me

Boring Boring Boring...its been pretty boring lately, but chill at the same time.
I mean, its nice to stay home and just chill. I would rather stay home of course than sit around at PcTap for hours...doing nothing? And on top of that, it bothers my mom. Might as well just be at home in the comfort of my own home in sweats then. (:

Totally passed out when i got home today. Haha i didnt even expect to. It was nice. I guess i was hella tired thennn. I had trouble sleeping last night, kept waking up thinking i had to get out of bed and get ready for school.

This morning when i went outside, holy cow it was cold & icy! I think if it was that cold...it should have snowed then. haha. I hateee being cold. Snow is pretty though. If only snow was warm...or like cold but warm weather. COOL! Speaking of the cold, i hate having to walk around during first period more than ever now. Needing a hella hella warm ass jacket.

Skipped ROP yesterday, and damn did i pick a bad day to ditch. LOL. Cause we actually did something yesterday...rather than just sit around doing nothing like usual. Sigh.
But ROP is so boring...how would i know when something fun pops up. ):
When Samantha said that they made a heart out of clay i hella thought she was joking, but she wasnt. They really did make a heart out of clay. Now how fun is that!
Learning bout...hearts in class, atleast i think. Crap i need to pay more attention haha.

So since its Winter now, ive heard that in colder weather, your skin is suppose to be more dry than usual. Im not sure if thats true, BUT it sure seems like it. I dont recall ever having this problem before though...soooo i dont know. Lol. Hella bothering me though! I've been sitting in my room all evening applying lotion to my cheeks, i hope its working. Nah, i dont think it is. Crap.
It could be the brush that im using to apply on blush. Cause the bristles arent soft. Damn you make up tool!

The amount of makeup i apple to my face has been reduced.
*Which reminds me that i need to go get some fluid liner.

10:57pm - i need to finish english homework. & i need to start writing in my planner again. LOL...cause i dont even know when this hw is due. So im forcing myself to do it, just incase its due tomorrow...damnit -_-

Kay Goooodbyee (:

I miss cuddling! :<

Youre pathetic...

hell yeah you are. open your eyes and SEE.

actually...in truth, we both are. Dont even try to deny it.

LOL look what we are fucking doing. Gosh we both are pathetic.

Nobody cares. I dont care. Cause well...you basically take things to the next level. Over react. But i get it. I know exactly why youre the way you are. Because normal friends dont act like this with each other. I guess that means we arent normal friends. You dont know how to be normal with me.
& thats just sad.

Wtf!?!

I can't sign onto tumblr...and i dont know why. AH so frustrating D:
I wonder why...what the gay.

Seriously now, how do you think people make friends? Tell me now.
How did i meet you, and how did i become close to you. How did we first start out. How are we both friends right now? Met you through a friend, you know like mutually. My friend took me and introduced me to you. We said out greetings and well just began to talk more after. Gradually built up and now we are where we are now.

One day, i want to scream. I want to scream and yell. Yell at you. Tell you that you...are not right.
Tell you that i do not need your pity.

I dont fucking need the sympathy. I DONT FUCKING NEED YOU TO FEEL BAD FOR ME. I DONT NEED YOU TO HANGOUT WITH ME JUST BECAUSE I HAVE NO ONE ELSE. i dont need...it. Be true to yourself. Be true to me.

You just dont understand. You dont get it. We are different. We aren't the brightest things on the block. But we are nice...we are f
un. No one gives us a chance. Sometimes i dont even know if youre giving us the chance. What the hell is this?

God dammit, why cant you people just be more open. Why do you people got to enclose yourselves in your damn cliques.

"I dont even talk to them, why would i hang out with them" <- what the hell is that huh?
The hell....the fuck.....mother effer thats fucking bullshit. You know what? Thats how you fucking get to know people. You hangout with people you dont know in order to get to know them.

We have all been together for so long now. How can you possibly say that you dont fucking know me. You all know who i am, why cant you just get to know me a little better. Hun i dont bite.

You gotta be kidding me.
& fuck you if youre gonna be making a joke out of this. Its gay, im over reacting. Its stupid, YOUR STUPID.

you know what...i dont even care.
Its all a bunch of bullshit. Ya'll dont even know me. dont even care. dont even get it.

so stfu, keep your mouth shut and keep our names out of your mouth.
Be true to us. Be true to yourself. I aint bouta put up with buncha bullshit.

Just Pissing Me Off.
& i dont even know what im saying.

Mother is in Los Angeles

W0ke myself up this morning, made myself a waffle. Put it in the toaster, set it and ran off to get ready. Got ready and waited for Justine to come swoop me off to school. Had to wake up Lena, had no idea where the hell my dad was. Called him to remind him to come home and take her to school.
Wow i think id be a great mom (:

School School School.
Assembly? > It was actually decent this time. Haha, best assembly all year. The slide shows were pretty gooood too! never seen them do a slide show like the one shown today o:
& Lisa came to school late and joined me in the second assembly, so that was nice.
I wish i had the first assembly with my girls ):

ROP: had skill check today for vital signs checkup shit. Lisa was my partner. We both passed (:
hehe. At first, while taking her vital signs i couldnt hear the beats of her heart! But thank
goodness he let me do it again.

ROP is getting annoying now a days. Its such a waste of time, no lie. We continoulsy sit there and do nothing for 2 hours. But i guess its nice bonding time for Lisa,Vivian,Helen,Samantha, and me. Too bad Justine is in a different class. Lol. But its a hassle too. Im just so tired of it. AH...

I hella miss being at school as well. How ironic...
Just miss seeing people, you know? Eh...sucks.

Well after school, Justine, Lisa, and i went to Vivian's house. It was hella chill! Should just kickback and relaxx at someone's place every now and then. Rather than always being outt. Cause its nice...i like spending time with them. (:
First time at Vivians too, her house is cute. & she did all of our makeup. HAHA.
I look scary too. And Lisa is just insisting that i go to school like this tomorrow...she wants me to be at school looking scary. The hell. LOL.
We'll see i guess.

Its December! Which means, its officially Christmas season. WOOHOO!
So happy. I loooveee this feeling. I love listening to christmas tunes. Hehe. Its pretty awesomeee man.

LOOK WHAT I GOT!
http://www.formspring.com/forms/?761194-kV3MBlPrAe
Its a formspring. So basically, you can just ask me whatever, or tell me whatever...and ill reply back. Neat-oh. Just giving it a test run, cause apparently its the new "fad", whatever that is. LOL. IS THAT EVEN THE RIGHT WORD OR DID I MAKE IT UP...? But yeah, cooolnesssx10

Stressing; not

AHHH...school was soo tiring today. It was soo hard to wake up this morning. My mom came in to wake me up and i got annoyed thinking "why the heck are you botheringg me" but then i remembered its Monday, and i have school. Checked the time and crap i had no time to shower. Well i did actually. It was 630am, totally just wasn't up for it. Well since i showered yesterday around 6 i pushed showering at the moment just wasnt worth it. Tried to catch a few extra minutes of sleep. Ughh....not showering resulted in my semi-bad hair day. & on top of that i was paranoid of smelling. Ew i cant stand not being clean. Didnt even wanna give out hugs. LOL. But let me assure to you, that actually i still smelled lovely >:[

Im not exactly stressing out >> at least i do not think that i am. BUT THEN WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY PIMPLES?! Ahrggg. :x

Sometimes in my tears i drown, but i never let it get me down. So when negativity surrounds, i know some day it'll all turn around.
- One Day|Matisyahu

& Thats how i should see things. Stand strong, you know?

Snickerdoodles! I wanna make some. I need some help. I think i might make some with Christina, probably next week? If we are both free of course.

Gotta go shop for people's Christmas show outfits & help think of ideas? Idunno.
But i'm here at Jessica's service. (:

Also gotta go dress shopping for winterball! Which is on the 18th. Nothing too pricey this year, nothing too much. Just plain jane will do. Not like i will be having a date anyways. Haha.
Lisa should be enough for me <3
Reallyyy hopes Justine goes though tooo. Damn :[

Kay bye errbody! Sleeping at 10 or 11

Come out of hiding.

im curious about what went wrong... i may just be completely oblivious though about the whole situation, because i think i do know what went wrong and its all my fault.

Not a word, not a sound. Mere strangers now. Or at least on the brinks of becoming so.

Where are we...what the hell, is going on?....Dust has only just begun
-Hide and Seek|Imogen Heap

How perfect that i ran into this song while posting this. I really don't know the artist's meaning for this song is though, however when i heard that line what came to mind for me was how i feel about this. Gosh i sure do love this song. Its so mellow and just perfect. Kinda puts me into the mood of things, lifts up my spirits.

Mmmmmmmmmm......& i love the transition into Whatcha Say. The techno remix of this song is nice too.

Honestly though, i'm kind of scared of what we will become as people going in different paths. Afraid, knowing that i will regret everything. What im afraid of is loosing the perfection of this boy. Not knowing where how when i will find it. I'm afraid that in the near future...the thought that comes to mind of me will be "Ugh...she's a bitch, i hate her" Or something along those lines. Like the way i have heard it being said about the girls before me. Understand?

Dont come and ask me about the happiness of my life. "So are you happy now?" What is that suppose to mean? Am i happy that something is missing now, that life is really better now? Or am i just HAPPY. But then what i think about when that is asked...*thoughts have been lost

Just come out of hiding. I dont want to play this game anymore. Cant we just be civilized? Cant we just be friends without giving each other the bad vibes...

Living life to the fullest, finding anyway to be happy. I want to be happy. Then so be it i will. I am happy i will be happy. I will not fall, i will not crumble. I will be strong, i will learn. Because i have learned. Good experiences for me.

All i need is to smack a smile on my face. Shoot...its just perfect.

So ask me now am i happy, i will answer back, "Hell yeah, i'm happy" No questions asked, no need to think about it. Straight up, there you go.

It doesnt matter to me now what is missing, what is here.

"Because there comes a point in your life when you realize: who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future"

Though i wished that it would have made it that far.

CAMILLE I AM GOING TO FALLOW YOU ON BLOGSPOT NOW ! :D

Last day of break; Damn it. Those 11 days off with no school was good. Even though it was probably the laest break everr, it was chill. Hella not wanting to wake up early in the morning thotho. Shitt...

&here i am sitting at home, nothing to do. Typical of course.

Tata for now (:

lets see what thoughts spill

Haven't been on blogspot in a while...haha.
Poor neglected thing of mine.

Well hello there! Im on my Thanksgiving break, and so far the most exciting thing that has happened to me this break was seeing Tram at the mall and visiting Christina at her school.

So far...i have basically just been sleeping late, sleeping in and staying home.
Usually my Thanksgiving breaks are boring though anyways. Haha. Like last year, that was hella boring ._. I think last year for my break i stayed home and read New Moon. Lol. Finished that book in two days though.

Well speaking of New Moon I watched it on Friday with Justin and Lisa! Really, the Twilight Saga movies are probably the most corniest movies ever. Twilight itself was just horrible to sit through, and as excited as i was to watch New Moon, i couldnt stand to watch all those EdwardBella moments. It was killing me. BUT THEN...it was still pretty good. Better than Twilight of course. Taylor Launter, with his baby face was breath taking o: That nigga has a niceee ass body, fersuree. Like "Porn for little girls" haha. That could be true...nahh.

Now i wanna watch The Blind Sight < thats what its called right? Yeahh. The moovie looks good. Seems so very deep. I dont know. Haha. Or meaningful? Having been to the movies that much lately. Not many good movies playing, or atleast that im interested in.


Wow oooopsss, i never finished my post. Hhaha. Well lets see...recap on my day? Cleaned my room, watched Heroes <3><

I HELLA WANT SOME PHO THOOOO.....next time next time. Damn Justin just thought that was "too hard to eat" well i guesss hunnn..

Home now. Gonna jump into bed. Night booos. <3


ITS THANKSGIVING. WHO'S EXCITED? I AMMM

Football game tonight!

You see people sometimes, and they go through girlfriends/boyfriends like...chips, i dont know. But its like one after another. Just cause things dont really work out and they learn a little more. But then when they find the right person, that relationship would last for a loong time. Until something goes wrong again.

Or they could just be a player.

So i went to our school's last football game today. It was HELLAA cold. Oh my gosh. ): The benches were like sitting on ice and my tosies were freezing. Shoes dont even help. I wore shoes for a reason & my socks were spose to be thick too! It was alright, kinda interesting. Haha.

Had pho with Justin, Eric Liu, Justine, and Lisa at Pho Saigon before the game. It was yummy delicious. I wanted some yesterday but we had chipotle insteaadd.
I think the score was 24-7, we lost. ): Bummer. Played against Newark. I wish that one day when i go to a game again, we would actually win. We were doing pretty good ( i think? ) for like...half the game. Tied with Newark, and then i dont know what happened. lol

Im hungry again. :x

whoohoo!

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is OVERRR. Finally. I wonder what book is next on my teachers literature list...my goal now is to not fall behind, and stay on track with the reading schedule :x Not my fault this book is hella gayy.

Wrote an in class essay today about Huck's maturity level & fml i didnt even finish. -___- Im so bad at thiss. ): Atleast i was able to get in 4 quotes? Now my teacher can see how im bad of a writter i am under pressure. Then again, i didnt even read and understand the book like how i should have. So can't blame me! But she doesnt know that. I wonder if this is going to do any damage to my grade at all...and since i was in such a rush to hurry, i forgot to return my book back. I wonder if she will understand if i explain to her the reason why i forgot to give it back...i REALLY dont want to have to lose 5 points for forgetting. And if i do, well then crap.

Bombed the History test today. :l Damnit. Gotta do hella makeup work for that class. If my teacher is going to let me make it up, i should take that to my advantage.
I.Hate.History.

No school tomorrow guys, yet i still feel like going to sleep early. Feeling a tad bit tired.

I dont like letting my sister barrow things. It takes years for her to finally give it back. That lady still has my camera...UGH i dont know when im getting that back. Next thing i know, ill have to go buy another one. -_- What the heckk mann. And i hate it when she comes over and takes my clothes. I swear most of my blouses and jackets are over at her house. Its just pretty gay when im looking for something in the morning to wear and realize that she took it.

My Dog is so cute right now (:

Any plans for tomorrow guys? I feel like its friday...Nothing planned for me atm. Was thinking of something but now im having second thoughts about it. Depends on the other person of course then. Cause im totallly down.
*homework
*clean
*laundry


peace out my niggass.

faillllllll.

So latley, or just today, i did a lot of thinking. Spent the day with my mom all day. Went to wal-mart and had dinner with her and my sister, along with my little niece. Most of the thoughts running through my head today were about my mom, my family, my life...the future. It actually made me kind of sad. I think what i fear most is life after my mom. I dont really want to say it out or type it out. The thought it just too scary. Lets hope you all understand then. I love my mom. Ive spent my whole life with her...and i cant just think of what life will be like for me after.......THEN WHAT???? Im such a vegetable. Im such a....im not even sure the word for it. But i cant do anything. anything. I cant do anything at all. Im not so much of an "independent woman" I dont really know how to take care of myself. I cant cook. Oh my gosh, im going to die in this world. This is all i can think. Im afraid to be alone because if im alone im just worthless. I cant make anything of myself. What is the meaning of this. How come i am like this i want to know....I realized from my friends, that im such a little child. You know? Little children who depend on other people to be there for them and help them all the time. Little children who cant really figure things out. I never learned. Im never going to know. Now i dont jnow where im going with this. Basically....i fail at taking care of myself. Come on now, no one is going to be there for me when im older. And ill have to know how to do stuff. I cant even cook...im gonna be a fat lard cause i cant cook and all ill be eating is top ramen. KNOCK ON WOOD. AHH.*

I was looking at my niece and i was thinking about how my kids will probably never get the chance to get to know my mom the way she got to. Does that make sense...like when i was little i wasnt able to get to know my grandma the way my sister and older cousins got to know her. Shes just a blur in my life...and i dont really know her. It makes me sad, i want my kids to knoww my mom. I want my mom to be able to teach my kids certain things ill never get to teach them. Like speak in vietnamese for instance. Oh sigh...vietnamese is disapearing on this side of the family. Oh i love my mommmaaa. I cant believe how much im disapointing her, and she doesnt even know it. Wait till it hits her...then what. She was telling me today that all she wants is for me to be successful, and be able to afford everything i want, live an easy happy life and she will be just equally as happy. Problem is, i highly doubt that any of that will come true. I have a huge feeling that itll be just the opposite. Is there a chance that i can turn my life around from this point? With the classes im taking...i dont think itll take me anywhere but help me graduate from highschool. Then its community college. :x My mom has no idea that i have no hope. No hope what so ever...UNLESSSSS.....some state would actually count my "intermediate algebra" class as an actual math course, and unless i make up that F in spanish 2 THEN MAYBE, just maybe ill get accepted into that state. But thats unlikely, right? Does anyone know if i need to take chem for states...i think i do. Crap. That too then. Such a fat Failure -______-

and here i am talking about failing, and im not even studying for my history test tomorrow.
Oh Crap. Should i, Should i? Fuckk itt. I DONT WANT TOO. AHHHH fuck history ]:
whywhywhywhywhwywhywhwywhwy.... -_- I wish my mind was capable of memorizing things better. Then maybe ill be good in science too. Ugh.

Justin told me to get myself together if im going to point out all this, i need to do something about it. Now im seriously thinking about making up this wasteed year my senior year. By taking algebra2/trig and chem. So while everyone is realaxing ill finally be feeling that stress from this year...jsut a year later. Crap i dont wanna fucking do that! Okay time to think...what to do, what to do. How do i turn my life around.

Ironic thig. My mom told me today that she didnt want to keep me in milpitas because she didnt want me to get involved with anyone from there. She thought that people from milpitas were not such good influence on me...and ill just become a bad kid. So she wanted to pull me away from all this by bringing me to fremont, where the good kids were at. She wanted me to meet all these smart kids, so they can influence and make me want to do good in school so i'll be successfull. I think she kind of got all these things mixed up. I think the problem is, i just mixed in with the wrong group of people. You know what i mean? Either that...or i hella just didnt care much. I like the group of people i am with though. They got her fooled. She still thinks theyre good for me.

Oh my gosh, i feel bad. My poor mom...this means, i should do good. Otherwise...she wasted her time trying to make me make sometihng of myself. Was her whole thirty something years of her life to make something of her kids, to make them happy. Let them be able to get what they want in their life. I dont know! Too much thinking....
._.

Too much writting.

And justin says: Dont waste your time being a blog addict

sooo much thinking.

nice people

Whats your view point on jackasses?
Are they really truly jackasses or is it just to you in particular?

Most assholes probably have their nice sweet kind side. But for some reason they were just an asshole to you...who knows what you did though.

I really dont know what my point here is. I guess all i just want to say is, that person is an asshole but i hella did not derserve it because i never did anything wrong. But then just cause that person was a jerk to me, does not mean he really is a jerk. Because when that person was being fake, it seems like that person can really be sweet and kind like how he was pretending to be with me. To get his way?

Is that just attractive...badass, sweet boy. best of both sides. Fell for it. Learned my lesson. Know the signs. Over it.

Shows me how decieving people can be.

Jerkin 101

Who is down to go? Hit me up for Presales & more Info.

This is a cute song.

AND ALSOO...i no longer have "virus protection" or whatever on my laptop...so wheneve im trying to go onto a sit shit pops up like "WARNING: THIS SITE MY CAUSE HARM TO YOUR COMPUTER WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE" Its annoying and my brother wont help me fix this problem of mine. He said he will do it tomorrow though when he has time. BOOOO....

-_- because my Norton free 30 day subscription thing is now over.

WOW....

I JUST WROTE THIS HELLA LONG POST AND IT ALL GOD DELETED AND I CANT GET ANY OF THE WORDS BACK. WOW FML. D:

.......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....ALL MY THOUGHTSS. NOOOOO.....

-_- Shit....

Open your Eyesss.

you my hot thang

Sigh

I hate it when things are sad. I hate it when something happens to people making them sad. Some people just dont deserve what happens to them you know? Just unfair. Like i totally feel you. I take your sadness and embrace it. Makes me sad too...

siiiiighhhh. for everyone whoh is sad, i just wanna give you all a big fat hug. Say its okay.

JUNIORS 2011 <3

As much as i could show sympathy for someone, i cant really help if i dont know the reason for why someone is down. I can still be caring though. I tired to be, dont dare to say otherwise. Sorry if this makes me sound uncaring but what was i suppose to do? Stop life and focus my attention on you? I mean i totally would have though...if i knew what happened in the first place. Dont try to make me feel bad for going out and having a good time.

HOMECOMING WAS AMAZINGGG <3333
it was truly truly truly amazing. Oh my goshh, Juniors did soo good. I was completly blown away. AHHHHH. SOO AMAZINGG!
The skit was gooood. The people on stage acted everything out so well, the voice overs were hella cute. ahaha. Airband was totally jaw dropping, from first to last. WOW.

Totally killed it today. Im so proudd of everyone and their hardwork. Everything DEFINITELY paid off.

It was worth being late to ROP fersureee. Sigh, so amazed you dont even understand. hahah.

Well walking into ROP late was kinda like awkward. Dr. Cliff hella looked at Lisa and Me. It was a bit sdaryy. ): Had my 200 points bone test today! & i think i did okay! I think i got like a B or something. Got 4 wrong. Ahh. wish i got an A though, had such dumbdumb mistakes. Shooot. But then, you gotta say...its a good score for someone who studied for the first 30 minutes of class and not knowing anything when i first walked in. AND I STILL REMEMBER THE BONESS. Thing sticked in my mind like glueee. HEhe. I bet i can just grab a body and label every bone (:

Ill probably forget soon though...like overnight? Who wants to be my dummyy. Just kidding. The test really wasnt that hard for 200 point test though. Lol. I was thining that it would have been hella much harder.

Was hella tired when i came home earlier. Slept for like three hours though. My mom made me get up -_- When i got up i thought it was morning for some reason, probably cus my mom came and woke me she usually doesnt. You know how it is when u wake up from a nap in the evening, you think its morning and you freak out. Yup, thats what happened. But then i got my thoughts together and double checked my phone and it said PM. Haha.

Well...thats all. GOODJOB JUNIORS (:
im sad that i missed most of homecoming, i probably wont even be watching the Seniors tomorrow. booo. No rop next year, im missing out on too much. D:

* Hope everything goes well...

<3 (:

your ex, my ex

i just realized that most people after breaking up with their girlfriend/boyfriend, from that point on they refer to that person as their ex. Even if theyre like friends now. Like "oh im with ________, ________ and my ex. Or soemthing like that. When does that pass and the ex becomes known as a friend. Im with my friend.

Interesting

leave me with peace.

Bleh. I have school today...
& i have just saved 100 dollars. Woohooo.
Overtime i would wish that i have gotten it, but i think ill be okay. Haha.

I think that people are more at peace, when they end things peacefully. Right?
Cause if u end things on a bad note, it just creates tension and hate. Well of course...

And it doesnt help to say like "im not going to talk to you anymore..." If thats the case, there is no need to announce it, just do it. Cause now the other person is going to end up feeling like shit. Or something along those lines.

Hmm and the thing with trying to teach people a "lesson", or so it seems to be like that...i just dont understand it. I guess its kind of just like "a taste of your own medicine" kind of thing. You did that to me i didnt like it so now im going to do that same thing with you. Ha! How do u like that now.
Uhm...well i get it, feels like shit. Feels MORE like wtf though to the person when youre doing it only cus they did it to you. i dont exactly know how to explain this well. does anyone know what i mean...?

in my mind its "fuck this shit"
yea...fuck this shit.

I really do not know what to say of my "friends" Who are they and what do they want...and why are they keeping me around. What am i to them. Its really all these distractions in life though, as well as my stupid mind that just keeps over thinking things.

You know how there are those surveys people take on myspace or something and repost it, and sometimes on the surveys they say "if there is anything you could say to someone what would you say?" Well if there is anything i could say to someone right now i would say...that we are drifting apart and youre like a stranger to me now. I know nothing about you and you know nothing about me. What happened to keeping in touch. Because im about 10 miles away from you it cant stop us from stop keeping contact with each other. I understand that youre busy with your own life but does it hurt to check up on me every now and then and see how im doing...maybe catch up a little. Well that would be nice. I dont remember the last time i talked to you and like actually talked to you and had a nice conversation. And its been a really long time since the last time i saw you. What is to come of us. What are we now. Where do i stand. Where do you in my life.

To another person...what happened to chicks before dicks.
and then to someone else...i want to know what you think of me. REALLY though. Why are
you keeping me around?

sometimes i just do not like the people in my life and i wish i could find new friends. Find people that actually care. Like a true friend...not saying that my current friends arent caring.
The whole "one way relation" thing. With friends though.

Sometimes i wonder what life wold be like if i fallowed a different road...

I wish i wasnt the way i was. Kind of jsut want to peel away from everyone.
Wanting to drive, so i can just be by myself during lunch everyday...so ill be alone and not feel stupid.

Just want to be alone...with out the fuss?

Sometimes i despise you and i jsut want to scream at you and tell you to shut the fuck up.
or it could be the envy im feeling.

Its not a competion. One day im gonna go crazy...go crazy and blow up. Fuck. This. Shit.

This Girl

first rainy day of the school year.

I want another umbrellaaa. I used my red umbrella today, that i had since i was in like first grade. But then i havent used the thing since first grade...been left there untouched. So when i used it today i was like wtf ITS SMALL! i swore it was bigger...but i guess thats because i was little the last time i used it and i thought it was bigger. I want a biiggg red umbrella. HEHE. Because some small thing isnt really about to keep me dry :/ But it worked. my hair stayed dry...kinda?

Needing some boots thought because just normal shoes are bouta get my feet soaked.Poor feet.

Got really wet this morning from walking around school in the rain. Thankyou Justin for thinking of mee! Even though i didnt have my phone, i knew you were. GOOD FRIEND YOU ARE. At the begining of first period i was kinda like freaking out cause i thought sabrina wasnt going to be there. i was like shitt am i really going to have to deliver all of this by myselff. I kinda just sat there and stalled for a while and she came. YAY. thank goodness. I guess it wasnt so bad. I didnt like getting wet though. >< And my shoelaces kept getting untied -_- And then my socks got kinda wet...Damn vans, you do not help what so ever. Nikes tomorrow?

Im still behind on my reading for english...i actually dont think ill ever catch up. Gosh deng it why am i so lazyyy. Sigh. Should be on like chapter 20 or something i believe and im on chapter 7. :x fml. fuck huckleberry finn. Damn little boy ):
Seriously thought the book would be more interesting. Then i again i think its just cause im lazy and im not reading it. Yea ill get to that eventually.

Napped for two hours today. 5-7 I hope this doesnt make it hard for me to sleep later on.

Even though it was rainy and gloomy today though, i was still a happy button (:
Maybe even a little more happier? In some parts...i guess?

Emerald thought i was high today in Math. I told her i wasnt but she didnt exactly believe me. I was shocked. LOL. I think its just cause i when i walked in mr. Sugden was like "are you okay? why are your eyes so red" and then i started giggling cause Something was funny...but then only i was laughing...so i guess she thought that was out of my natural state. Ahaha.

My mom made spaghetti for me (:
Now im going to go enjoy it with orange juice. Ahh so excited. HEHE.

if i could love again...

Hella talented !

Fool...i hate Huckleberry fin.
So behind on this book...i need a day where my laptop wont work...so then i'll actually read. Lazy as a mother fucker. Sigh. Shouldnt be though, thats not good at all cause im actually doing good in english. Till this point atleast, not its all downhill till i slap myself across the face and tell myself "bitch get to reading!" Yea, im not bouta do that though.

Who wants to give it a try?

The Invention of Lying

Im sleepy again. Hmm im starting be be tired really early a lot lately. Lol. I need to read and take notes of Huckleberry Finn first before i can go to sleep.

Sigh...i ran out of skittles. ):

Before reading though, i decided that maybe i will blog. [:

So homecoming week is postponed since its suppose to be raining this week. It got pushed to next week. I guess thats okay haha. One more week for me to pretend that i have to go to airband. Lool.

Watched The Invention of Lying today. It wasnt that great actually...just okay. Hellaaa long though too. Two hours. But i think i was just hella fidgetty cause i was hella hella hungry. bleh.

Im kind of brain dead right now...kind of just wanna curl into bed and sleeep till 6am.
Tryna sleep at 10...so that means i have 2 hours to read and take notes. Damn..i guess i can do it, if i get to it right now. Im hella behind in reading.

OKAYYYY. time to read. ):
Huckleberry Finn is a boring book

kiss me, im waiting

i am sleeeepy.

I need to read for English. We are reading Adventures of Huckleberry Finn I don't really understand it....the writing is all weird. That means I'm kind of illiterate? Yea...Ms. Wong said that if we had a hard time understanding then we needa go take some reading comprehension classes. I was just sitting there like...shit, I'm retarded -_- OR it could just be that i wasn't exactly paying attention to what i was reading. I have a lot to read tonight, because last night i didn't really read what was required...i only read two pages :x

Samantha did my makeup for me today during ROP. Lol...it was kind of awkward because we were afraid Dr. Cliff would say something. But he didn't. Our table is the "mission table" we're the only mission girls, and we all sit together...with the exception of this Indian girl that stopped sitting with us after the first day. We always seem to be off task. Not really though...i mean there really isn't anything to do in that class. You work on the packets and then take notes off the power points and basically sit there for the remainder of the time because there isn't anything to really do. I don't pay attention to what the other girls do...probably just chit chatting away, so we can't be the only table that's off task...come on now, we're from mission (:

So i stayed home today, like how i did yesterday. Watched Cruel Intentions. It was actually an okay movie. Its from 1999, so its pretty old. Kinda scandalous, the girls were. Lol. I saw like a picture of the movie on someone's tumblr, and i was like hey how interesting cause of the title, so i decided to watch it cause i really didnt have anything else better to do.

Sister came over earlier, and we talked. Hope everything will get better for her. I don't like seeing her all sad. But she's holding up, getting better. She deserves the best.

Tomorrow is Mommaas birthday! Ahh...i couldnt go get her anything because i had no transportation. :l I went into her room earlier and was like tomorrows your birthdayy, and shes like yea, did you get me anything and i was like noo ): and she's its my birthday and u didnt get me anything? how sadd.
Yup how sad. i wannaaa get her something she'll hellaa like. But i dont know what that could be.

Okay, im wasting my time blogging about nothing, i might as well go read.

i am prepared to

give you my all if u accept this from me.
be there for you when u need it, cause i honestly and truly care.

girls...are so decieving and dumb.
most guys dont deserve to be with their sleazy gfs.
yet guys are jerks and assholes.

this combination of people just dont seem to be fair.

you boys better treat your girls good, and respect them. and girls better stay truthful to their man. lying aint bouta get you no where.

honesty is key, agree?

cold fingers

I want some spaghetti...i just realized that i havent had some in a whileee.
MY TUMMY IS CALLING FOR FOOOOD.

The mornings are beginning to get cold. Everyday i miss the warmth of the sun more and more. Was freezing my ass of this morning while giving out papers to people. Whenever i entered a room with a heater i totally melted and just wanted to stay in there. But then back out to the icy coldness of the morning i go.

Nothing happened at school today. Then again...does anything ever happenn? Nooopee. Every class was boring. English would have to be my favorite period. Ms. Wong is actually really nice. Math turns out to be a fat bore, even with Lisa and Justine in it. I do nothing and just sit there silently all period...Or sleep. I didnt sleep though. I dont even remember what i was sitting there doing. Oh yea, wishing for food.

Went to Sam's house for lunch today. Lol. So many people in one little kitchen. So chaotic. Made myself a sandwhich. It was fulfulling. Yup (: Getting closer to her and Sam, its nice to have more girl friends. Sighhh.

R.O.P is getting kind of annoying with all the notes we have to take. But i guess? I really hope i pass :l Anything under a 75% is considered failing to Dr. Cliff. I currently have a B. The only thing im afraid of are the tests, those would totally kill me. Test on Oct 15 on the medical terminolgy. Gotta memorize all that shit. Blehhh.

I wishh that...i talked to more people at school. Its not fun drifting away from people at all.

My hands are so weird! My right hands feels hella cold and my left one is warm...i dont understand. I need gloves. Love gloves.

You frustrate me, even when youre not around -_- UGH.

Kathy wants a....something something.

i dont want it but i do
my affliction, im addicted i cant lie.

mmm i smell fooooood. ._. Smells delicious.

TOOOOODLESSS.

So well here's the thing

Happy Sunday everyone! I went to church this morning. Oh my goooodness, it was HELLA cold! I wrapped a scarf around my head and put a hood on, wore a long sleeve and a jacket. Gosh the upper half of my body was warrrmm. Wish i could have said the same for my legs. I wish they invented furry jeans...but then that would probably be herra thick and uncomfy. LOL...i was thinking about furry boots.

Ran into my Housemates when i came home. I guess i was only able to avoid them for a week. ><

Was thinking about going back to sleep when i got home from church, but then i thought about it...if i went to sleep then i would probably wake up around 12, and that would have been such a fat waste of my day. So i didnt sleep, ate some chicken and took a shower. The shower woke me.

Watched Heroes onlineee. Heroes is so interesting. Lol...thats probably the only show i try to keep up with, along with the reality shows on mtv and Vh1. Im kinda lame :l Oh well! Just recently found out that my mom canceled our cable -_- Sighhh...but i guess im not so like sad over it cause i barely watch t.v anyway. Good thing i have my laptop now though right? Haha.

Its football season! Anyone watch the game today? I did not...but it was on at tap. People came in and watched. Today was mucho boring.

Lisa has a lot of catching up to do for school, cause she was sick last week. Poor hunnay. She asked if i wanted to go to pcTap with her and do homework. Its better than staying at home doing nothing riightt? Lol. Being at tap was like being at home though...just without the comfort of being at home. Just sat around, cause i really didnt have any homework. Played with Sophia's little puppy, Coma. HELLLAAA CUTE :D she's so adorablee.

If i could drive though...i would totally have gone out and done my own thingg. Like visit friends from milpitas and Sanjose. I hella want to do that. I miss them like crazyy. I would go down and see trammie poo...and christina. Thats it though. LOL.. Everyone else all forgot about me. Sucks i cant even drive till im 18 -_-

At tap someone asked me where he is. And i was just like...how the hell should i know where he is? You know how people say things when they're mad?...They dont really mean what they say but they say it out of anger. I was having a tough time and yea i said things that werent meant to be said. I dont know, all i can do now is say sorry for my faults.

I miss you alot and I wish we could still talk here and there, but you’ve
banned me from your life. You know I would’ve given you that chance if only I
knew.I just want to be able to say Hi to you without the awkwardness.

Got that from some blog on Tumblr. Thats how i feel. Like...in a few years we will seriously be nothing but strangers. And there will be those times when you will come into my mind and i will seriously regret what happened between us. Because now we are like...cat and mouse. Oh you know that show from back in the day? Tom and Jerry! They would always fight and go after each other...but dont you tihnk that deep down they really did love each other. But Jerry just always annoyed Tom and Jerry got such a thrill out of it. LOL. I dont know im not comparing it correctly. Me and my nothingness -_-

OKAY BYE EVERYBODYY.

history go die

It was actually warmer today compared to the rest of the week. I still dont like it cause it hella threw me off gaurd. I wasn't sure what the weather was going to be like so i dressed as if it was suppose to be cold. Oh well, i was really warm this morning (:

Need to like find someone that is 100% dependable for rides to ROP. I dont like being stuck at school hoping that we'll find a way to get there. Well Sam and Helen are like most reliable at the moment, but they kind of do their own thing so they can't always be there to take us. Thanks to Vivian, otherwise i would have missed ROP today and yesterday :x

So when we had no ride to ROP today, we were like shit...so we kinda just roamed around school for a bit. Boy was it weird, kinda felt like i was back in the past. ._. Even sat in the cafeteria and ate food there. Bleh. Well when Justine starts driving, everything will be okay [:

Wore my Paris Hilton today and the scent reminded me of last year when i would go to the library everyday. Lol. Kept thinking bout it whenever i smelled it. And my lotion reminded me of summer school.

History is such a pointless subject. I hate it >:[
UBGKNDMAODPCKLMSRFERAWHW. I want it to go die.

Im tired. Bouta ptfo soooon.

but...gotta finish this shit -_-

Converse fail

ITS COLD AND I DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT.
stupid fall.stupid winter. stupid cold weather.



Today was a better day. All was good. Yippee.

Went to the dentist after school, dentist said my teeth were pretty. :D

Afterwards, went to greatmall with my mother because i really wanted to buy myself converses. I dont know what happened, but i walked out with a pair of vans instead. And im totally dreaded it. I dont know if i want to keep them or not...i really just want to go back and exchange it to get the converse. Damnit what was i thinkingg. My mom told me that i dont have vans like the one i got yet so i might as well, so i was just like eh i guess...but now im sad. Boo.



Well the guy that was working there sure was a cutie. Didn't really look at him though, but what i saw was cute. Too bad i looked like shit. Haha. Oh well, never gonna see him again.



Brought my mommy to Chiptole and got her a Chicken Burrito bowl. She likes it :D Hehe.



Im starting to not like Office T.Aing so much. I dont like having to walk around in the cold. Now just wait till December and January...gosh ill be a popsicle. ]:

bouta bring a hella warm blanket with me everywhere.



I want to sleep right now, but i gotta wait for my laundry to dry

damn it.



TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE WARMER
weather do not lie to me >:[

Nothing Today.

Boys ruin everything. Boyfriends get in the way of friendship. She told me that she doesn't like to text around him. She's with him a whole lot now cause i don't really talk to her anymore. Dear child, is so busy. Busy with school, busy with life, busy with her guy. Kathy is miles away. I hope im not loosing her...no impossible.

She spends 24/7 with him. When was the last time we truly spent time together. I want one day where we can be together, the three of us with no boys involved. But whatever makes you happy i suppose. I actually envy you just a bit. Congratulations on your six months. Im happy for you, i really am.

One, Two, Three...lost count. Wait its not really that many. Life seems to be going great for her with the exception of the jerks that are apart of it. Putting her down, making her sad. Being the stupid assholes that they are. She has feelings and she's not some animal you can just pick on and harras. Respect girls. Why are guys such pigs. Get a load of yourself you dickwads.

Lol...im so pathetic. How come every blog i write seems to be "sad"
Thankyou guys for caring...Its nice to know someone reads, and cares for me. Thanks for checking up on me, and seeing how im doing. By the time you see me and ask me if everything is okay, ill say yes...cause probably by then everything is okay. Really though, everything is okay.

Who are the people that asks what wrong. The people that i dont expect to wonder. The people that i wish would wonder dont know, dont care, dont worry.

I need to remove what stresses me, and makes me sad. Then i'll be okay.
i think ive done it. already i feel better.

im happy. honestly. wow.

to relieve this stress

In history today, we watched the Patriot and there was this scene where the guy went crazy and killed hella soldiers with his two little boys. IT WAS HELLA INTENSE. o_o His sons and him were hella ninja just shooting the soldiers and then all of a sudden he runs down to where the soldiers were and started stabbing them and shit. The poor son was hella just standing there watching and crying.

I think cause i watched this, it caused me to have a hella weird dream...well i dont exactly remember what happened but then like there were just people killing hella people...and like stabbing them and stuff. And i was in it and i was hiding in this shed and one of the guys came in...and then i woke up. ._. Weird.

When i got home today from school i just collapsed on my bed, didnt change or anything, just fell asleep. Woke up around 6 something and went and had dinner and watched Heroes (:
Im still behind with that. Watching from the first episode of the season. I missed the premier. Bummers. Got to catch up o:

No more juice, and no more milk. How odd cause i swear we had a lot more milk...cause i just had cereal ._. But then when i went to go get some milk to drink it wasnt there.

I need some...therapy shopping. Make myself feel better. Just been down lately, and i guess i just messed up again because i worded my words badly. I said things that weren't correct on their part. It was just what came to mind, i didnt go back to re read...i wasn't thinking. And then it just becomes bad.

Where is my daily dose of happiness. Whats going on cause i dont feel very like myself, what happened to make me feel so negative towards everything. I cant wait for it to go away though.

Behind that smile is a sad girl.

Maybe the sun needs to come out and make the day warm! It was cold today! And i heard its going to be chilly tomorrow. NOOOoooOOooOoOOOOOooo. I. Hate. Cold. Whether.

You know what im deprived from? Hugs. Big fat hugs.
yummy delicious, all warm and cozy.

HUG ME <3 [:

So here's what im thinking...

im this girl who is small and weak. I can be broken easily. Im sensitive to my feelings, and there are times when i take what people tell me seriously. I feel like im being put down, not too hard but lightly. Not much i do bout it though, cause i know its nothing to fuss about. im kind of like this nice girl. "pushover" maybe? Not sure. i do things to please others, make them happy. And sometimes it gets taken advantage of, like people can always get what they want with me. I know that if i just stand up for myself i can get my way, but sometimes when i actually do stand up for myself it totally backfires. Then i get frustrated, like wow no one listens...

everyone knows how shy i am. ive been starting to open up and come out of my little shell, a little. When i talk i use a lot of hand gestures and i move my hands around a lot. I learned that, that means that im uncomfortable and insecure? Is that right...i wasn't really listening in class.

i am trying to figure out where i stand in this place. what i am to everyone. Who are my true friends. I really believe that the ones i keep close to me are really legit. They will be there for me whenever i need them. Of course there would be favorings among each other. I have a feeling that if she was single and not so into her boyfriend, that ill soon be pushed away if i continue being the one thats left behind. Then there i will be trailing behind them for ever more wondering the what ifs.Just because we had this problem before about two years ago, for the reason because i became mute. And that messed things up. Resulting them to talk shit about me. I am being dumb -_- If anything turns out badly, i take full responsibility. Its always my fault anyways. No one does anything...exactly, nothing. Thats the problem.
I feel like i put too much effort into trying. She has her sweet lover and she has the people that are better than i am. And i have...my best guy friend.
Well thats what i think, i dont know whats really going on.
I could just be blabbering for absolutely nothing right. Over analyzing, picking out a problem to fuss about. much ado about nothing...

its my blog, i can say I however many times i want...but then now i see too many "i"s makes me feel like im talking about myself too much. I should bold all the i's i see. Nah, that will look weird. :x

*end of rant

goodnight loves :>

Yesterday's Work

Goodmorning fellow blog followers?
I really have a feeling that soon its going to be my...time of month. Cause either i have a serious problem or something, but its really annoying when i calm down and realize it. Fucking Moodswings.

Im not a neatfreak. But i like to clean. I like it when my room is neat, i dont like it when its all messy. Especially now since i sit in my room all the time. Neat space is happy space.Haha i dont know. But im not a neat freak, cus im messy. Right? Iderno. Define that for me, will you.

Had "work" yesterday. My sister had 3 weddings. One in Palo Alto, and 2 in Cupertino. Such a long day of work. Its like my work out, cause i have to carry heavy things back and forth. Now my arms kinda ache. Anyways, so the wedding in Palo Alto was hella cackin. Wish i was a part of it. Haha, it was in the Four Seasons Hotel, and their theme was brown. At frist when my sister told me i was like wtf thats hella ugly, but actually it was hella cute! Very modern like. Reminded me of chocolate...but yea it was hella cute, the girls were all hella cute too (:

Saw hella cutie yesterdayyy :D
All the groomsmen from the Palo Alto wedding were goodlooking, and shoot the husband from one of the weddings in Tino was cute. Damn. Too bad im just sixteen. Lol. Oh well thooughh.

Finished around 1230, and got home around 200. Crashed at my sisters, cause she didnt want to have to take me home -_-, couldnt go to church this morning with my mom cause i was at my sisters, and was tooo tired to wake up and get my sister to take me to church. So i havent gone to church yet, and i need to. Shoot. I guess ill call my papa later and tell him to take me. I feel bad if i dont go. But then again, im really lazy and i dont want to go. Bleh.

Plans for today? Homework i guess.

Toodles (:

oh dear god im fucking bipolar.
im in depression then im cheerful
help me im dying

mother fucker

I FUCKING HATE YOUR ASS.

im sad.

today was a good day. pretty chill, but didnt do much.
got to experience what pool was like...yet i suck, gotta get better at that i guess.

kinda down. Lightweight. and for once...its nothing that has to do bout my life or anything. It makes me so sad when my friends are down. Especially when theyre hella down...down to the core of the earth. Grey cloud above them. Everything is dark and gloomy. Usually its me that is like "fml" for some reason seeing my sad friend is just as equally painful. Hearing their story its like oh gosh...
I want to help. I dont like seeing people sad, its just horrible.

I wish everyone was just nice to each other and everyone loved each other. Boy that'd be nice. No hate.

I feel like i just put myself in their shoes and then i feel the pain theyre feeling. The hurt, the hate...i got that tight knot in my throat like i was about to cry. Dont know how to explain. But of course its always worse for the person who is recieving the pain.

Everyone be happy.


its not my problem. its not my things. not something i really need to worry about...but damn this shit hurtss!

am i stupid dumb retarded that i care hella much for someones feelings that i barely know...putting hella thought into it.

clueless. i feel like a terrible friend. DAMNIT

shitlags ]:

damn my laptop is kinda laggy ]:
can someone tell me how i unistall shit...?
please and thankyouuuu


this is from this morning at 2:51am [:

i must be crazy or something...i usually wake up at 6 to shower in the morning. freaking i dont know what but i just woke up and was like shoot i gotta shower. and i went and i showered and i came back into my room and i realized "hey...i woke up kinda earlir than usual cus i dont remember my alarm going off this morning" then i look at my phone and its like 2:30 and im like "yea i did wake up early o: how odd..." cus in my mind i read 6:30 then i looked at it and im like wait WTF ITS LIKE TWO IN THE MORNING.................

so its two in the morning and i just took a shower...my facial wash made me wide awake, and since i realized how early it is i dont want to dry my hair cus im afraid ill wake up my parents.

What The Hell...

O_O

Nigga You Down?

hit me up for tickets (:
aim: omgamonsterr

Crank 2?

SEPTEMBER 9, 2009! - So supposedly today should be a very lucky day for viets...cause nine is like our lucky number? Hehe. Unfortunaly though, i didn't get any good luck today at all. Bummerr. Oh well, at least nothing bad happened to me.
AHAH Vivian broke a mirror today...

First day to Teacher Assistant for office. It was kinda weird and boring. I was just sitting there most of the time hoping someone would give me something to do. I went around school and passed out those little slips to classes - i actually enjoyed that though (: But then it was hella awkward whenever i would walk into a class in like interupt the teacher to give them the slips...i could like feel everyones eyes following me ._. Walking around campus passing out shit is a lonely job thoughh..But i guess over time i'll get used to it and enjoy it. Atleast i hope soo. I'm also in charge of answering the phone. :l When the phone rang today i was like OHSHIT ._. but i just ignored it cus the secretarys took care of it (: Thank gooodnesss.

I met this girl, her name is Sabrina & she T.As with me. She's a senior and she's nice. We didnt talk much though...i hope that one day if we actually have to answer the phone that she is the one to do it...i wouldnt want to pick up the phone. ahhhhh.

"Hello, MSJ student speaking."

Then the person on the other line will be like "The hell...why is a 10 year old answering phone calls at this place ._." & then i'll have to transfer them to who ever they want to speak to and press in numbers and hangup. Sounds nerve wrecking!

Watched Crank 2 today...IT WAS HELLAA WEIRD....ask me bout it if youre interested. The trailer made it look hecka good though...but it was nothing like what i expected.


Thats what i call false advertising. ): BOOO!

So far school seems like a breeze...lets hope it stays that way.

____________________________________

So i was about to post this post and freaking for some reason a part of what i wrote got deleted! So i had to redo it. My office T.A story got cut off so i had to re-do it. Thats why it sounds hella weird now. First time is always better huhhh?
:l

ahhh

SCHOOL IS EXHAUSTINGG
soo...medical assisting seems like a lot of memorizing...its just like another science class basically aaha. But more hands on. Im anxious for whats to come in this class [:

Im liking my classes so far, everything is chill. The hard part is yet to come though...
Tomorrow in English we are going to start reading this book. Wong didn't tell us what the book was yet though but when she told us about it, it sounded like a good book. She said its very "promiscuous" Hahah.

LUNCH WITH BECCA TOMORROW. Yay (:
Miss that girll. Hehe.

I am tryna get a WWJD lanyard :D
http://www.whatwouldjesusdo.com/wwjdcart/cart.php
Taa-Da! I want a black one.

Badabing.

Finished all my homework for today, all i had was math though...haha so not much.
This year, my goal is to get 3.0. I think i can do it o:

Dropped outta bio today! Yay, though Kuei's class was pretty fun. She's so...funny. Hhah in a weird way of course. Now i'm Office T.A. Bouta become real cozy with the office folks. o:

I wanna wear Seans naked girl shirt...but since im gonna be in the office...i'm afraid to ><
Should have worn it today huh. Lol. Darn. Oh well i guess.
I needa go see that guy, and give him his shirt back. :x

My Hives are going away. Oh yea i figured out what the nasty on my body was. Lol. Good thing, cause now i lightweight no how to treat it! Got hella like shit for this...im not even sure whats working. I sprayed calamine spray on myself...it like prevents me from itching? Im not suppose to itch myself. :l This is horrible! But im just glad that its going away. Going away...very slowly. Haha.

So this Laptop of mine? Oh i'm loving it. My family said i disappeared ever since i got it though. Ahaha. So today i sat in my living room for like hlaf an hour eating cereal and watching Real World on my Laptop...just so my family can get a glimpse of me (:

Yesterday i did Twenty Situps. YAY. Now if only that can become a daily routine...but im way too lazy. :l

Okay Cleaning time then bed. BYE
*havent done a legit post on here in a while o:

My friend...be mine

Being someones friend doesnt necessary mean you have to see them often. It
might actually make your friendship stronger, and both sides happier keeping
for
an lookout for eachother from a distance

Youre my friend, and i love you dearly. Like how i love every friend i have. I want to keep them close to me of course. I wouldnt want to loose anyone of them. Of course friends come and go...and the ones that stay, they're there for a reason. I want you to stay in my life and havea reason to.

Sometimes its just takes you to ignore me, for me to realize that fuck...i dont want you gone.

School Update

SOOO school....wow. It actually seriously doesn't feel like the first week of school. it feels like ive been at school for a while now. haha.
School is kinda exhaustingg. ahh. I got home today and totally just collapsed on bed. ><
I still needa go to like wal-mart or target to get school supplies, staples didnt have what i wanted. Actually staples had pretty much everything i might have needed...except no college ruled notebooks...that were cute [:
plus i need to go to wal-mart or target anyways to get some stuff, so might as well wait to go with my mommaa. I shulda just waited and done that all together huh. haha. Well now atleast i have binder paper nd a composition notebook, which by the way is herra cute. Hehe.

ROP is a hassle actually...like the trouble i got through to get a ride there, and then a ride home. Yea i guess my mom can just pick me up but she's busy...and she takes a while to come get me, so i dont wanna end up waiting by myself. And i realized it would be nice to like be able to go back to school after school to get my books outta my locker and just head home. i gotta figure out a better system...hmmm

Kayyy today was pretty tiring. I'm gonna try to sleep early. [:
...like earlier than 2am.

night everybody

Goodbye Summer..

WHY AM I SITTING AT HOME NOT DOING ANYTHINGGG
sighsigh.

Well i have school tomorrow...im sorta like "fuuucccccckkk" and at the same time im a little bit excited...sucks that my last day of summer sucks dick...i've just been laying in bed all day, literally. Except for that one hour where i was watching the fabulous life on vh1.

status check : exhausted

anyone up to entertain me? Mommas making me clean, otherwise id pass out on this bed right now. Not much on my mind. Bunch of nothingness actually. Still in a daze...the fact that school is bouta start tomorrow has not COMPLETELY hit me just yet...but i just know its the last day of summer...and like always, kathy is stuck at home. Alone and Bored. Oh what will i do.

Maybe i should create an imaginary friend....and learn how to cook.
be in some good use.

loooveee my babies, looooveee my niggas, looooove you all.

I want to cuddle

and im kinda bummed

Envy

Went to the Movies today with EricLiu, Ilene, Justin, EricYai, and Rhonda.
We watched The Time Traveler's Wife, well e.liu, ilene, justin and i did but eric yai and rhonda watched something else. i forgot what...well time travelers wife was a good movie [: I liked it, got to shed a few tears. It was pretty sad. :l

Sorta envy...the person i could have been, if i were to stick to a different path. Kinda jealous of the person i dislike cause her life is totally better off without me. Wish she wasn't such a bitch to me, cause it might've been nice to still be her friend...maybe.

Lets see where life brings me.

I like youtube

Its sad

to see people sad...
and it hurts me to see my sister in so much pain...in this oh so fragile state she's in.
I just want her to be happy, and i want to do something to make everything all better for her.
but right now all i can do is pray and be here for her when she needs it.

i hope everything will be better for her soon. I don't want her to feel this pain she's feeling anymore.

Its not fair is it. :l