Went to Ray's Crab Shack because babe wanted to see how good it actually was compared to The Boiling Crab. I've heard good things about it. No one really complained about it or anything, and yelpers even said it was pretty good.
Unfortunately, the experience for my boyfriend and i wasn't the greatest. We went in with an open mind and gave it a chance. Perhaps they were having a bad kitchen day or something, i don't know. My boyfriend especially, being a huge fan of The Boiling Crab, was very disappointed by the outcome.
When we entered the restaurant, we were pretty please by the setting of the place. Everything looked really nice and comfortable. It was like a fancier version of The Boiling Crab. The bibs were nicer, and they even gave us gloves (although we preferred not to use them). The food came out, and that's when the disappointment and judging began.
The shrimp sauce was real pasty, and had a strange taste to it. I don't know what it was but it wasn't the type of flavor that you can continually eat, where you'd get sick of it fast. As a person who doesn't really like shrimp in the first place, i'd say my opinion of the shrimp would be bias. However, judging by the fact that The Boiling Crab was able to make their shrimp delectable to someone who generally doesn't like shrimp, i feel like i can say that Ray's Crab Shack's shrimp was not up to par. But since i'm not much of a shrimp person, i let that one slide a little bit until i got to the corn. I was so sad when i took the first bite of my corn. It was plain and...plain. There was no flavor to it except for the pasty shrimp sauce that i didn't even enjoy in the first place. Then we have the Cajun fries. The fries appeared as if they came from the frozen section of the grocery store, and this place just took that and threw it in the oven and added some Cajun powder on it. Another downside is that they got soggy, fast. My boyfriend and i only ate a couple and didn't finish it all.
Maybe we were being a little harsh on the place because we are so used to The Boiling Crab, but goodness, that was such a disappointing experience. My experience at Ray's Crab Shack has actually made me like The Boiling Crab a little more, since my boyfriend and i go there so much i sort of got sick of it. Going here actually made me crave Boiling Crab a little.
On the 27th, i joined his family for dinner at Boiling Crab. Babe, his friend, and i went to the Boiling Crab on Curtner Rd. before his family did to put our name down. The wait was said to be about 2 hours. We got there around 6pm i believe and since Boiling Crab is his all time favorite restaurant ever, we had to wait to eat there.
Well i didn't even eat anything the whole day, so i had to go over to the Target in the plaza and get myself a hotdog. That hot dog practically saved my life. We ended up waiting 3 hours to get seated. I would have probably passed out or something if it wasn't for that hot dog. Anyways, we took a while to get everyone's order down. It was a party of 11. I got my usual: One pound of mild Lemon Pepper shrimp with a corn in the bag, Sprite, and Cajun fries. We waited for a couple minutes and then our waitress came back telling us that the kitchen has informed her that they have ran out of shrimp. That was the first time i've ever heard of such a thing. You would think that at a place like that, where the shrimp demand is the highest that they'd have an endless supply of shrimp. Well dang, i think my boyfriend and his sister were bouta tear the place down. We seriously waited way too long to not be able to get any food...Luckily though, they said that they'll go down to the Boiling Crab down on E. Capitol and get us the shrimp. So we waited another 20-30 minutes to get our food out to us. I guess in the end it was all worth it to his boyfriend. He rather wait a longass time to get his favorite food on his birthday than not have it at all.
Ended the night drinking with his friends. He took me home early because i didn't have my car and he didn't want random guys taking me home. I was alright kind of buzzed when i got home. He waited till after he dropped me off to start his night off. Kind of sucked on my part because i wanted to party with him on his birthday, but i didn't get the chance to do that. I guess it's alright because technically, i did spend his birthday with him. :)
I took my boyfriend out to celebrate his birthday on the 26th. Originally, i wanted to have the whole day as a surprise so then he wouldn't know what we would be doing as the day goes by. However, since i'm the worse with planing and i was pretty skeptical about whether or not he would enjoy my plans or not, i decided to just tell him the night before.
I told him to try to wake up early and be ready by 12 so we can head out to San Francisco. I took him to GoKart Racer in Burlingame, SF. It was our first time GoKarting. I thought that i wouldn't really enjoy it too much, but it was a pretty fun experience! It was kind of hard to turn the steering wheel, so i had to drive faster to make it easier. I got stuck on the track about 3 or 4 times because i either ran into the walls or got stuck behind someone else who ran into the wall. Everyone was going hella fast, and i thought i was going fast too but the lady on the track kept telling me to move out of the way because there were faster drives coming up at me. Eventually i found my boyfriend and i tried keeping up with him, but then lost him momentarily after.
Originally i wanted to go to Japan Town to have some crepes because he never had crepes before, but then when we got done with Gokarting, it was later than we expected and we were kind of tired and hungry. So we just headed back home to my house to grab some stuff and headed out to San Jose to have dinner at Maggiano's Little Italy. I remember when i first met him, he told me how he liked eating there. He also was considering taking me there for my birthday. So i took my little Italian boy to Little Italy. :) The bill came out to be pricey; however, it was cheaper than what i expected it to be. We were surprised that for a place as fancy as this, they gave us little lemon cookies with candles stuck in them, rather than and actual mini cake or something.
After dinner, we went to mountain view to AMC mercado to watch Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. We got a little behind on time with dinner. We were planning to watch the movie at 9pm, but when we got in the theatre, it was packed. So we had to go watch the movie in IMAX at 10:20pm. Instead of sitting in the theatre waiting till then, we walked around the plaza and went to TJMax. I bought a Michael Kors bag (which is now my favorite bag) for about $170. It's original price was $320. So not too bad. It's a nice leather bag too. And matches the Toms my boyfriend got me for Christmas. :)
The movie in IMAX was whatever. I thought it'd be really amazing since i paid an extra five dollars for each ticket, but i barely noticed how different the quality was. The lady told us that IMAX is suppose to be better image quality and surround sound. I guess that you just can't really tell because you don't exactly have anything to compare it to. And also, when sitting in a theatre, it's generally loud. So i don't know. I don't think it's worth paying an extra 5 dollars for.
Good day with my baby, and i'm glad he enjoyed his day. :)
This is the first Christmas i got to spend with my boyfriend. It's nice how accepting they are of him and even went out of their way to get him gifts also. We celebrated christmas this year at my brother's house. He just got new furniture for his home, and his house looked super cozy.
Christmas doesn't seem to be the same as it used to anymore. I'm guessing it's just because we're all getting older and we don't care too much about it anymore? I don't know. What we all look forward to is probably just the Christmas dinner, and the family time spent together. The gifts is just a plus.
Bunny in a fishing net.
Well, i hope everyone had a nice and cheerful Christmas. :)
I woke up this morning and got ready to start my day. Took a shower, did my everyday makeup and dried my hair. Afterwards, i made myself a bowl of pho, watched Big Bang Theory, and curled my hair.
I had plans today to go hangout Jessica finally ever since we graduated. Finally i was getting to see her! We were never able to work out a schedule that fit with the both of us, and we finally made it work out. We were going to get lunch, but i decided that i rather eat at home because i've been spending way too much money this week. So, i just accompanied her at Newpark for a couple hours. She was just trying to find a couple of things to buy for people on her Christmas list. I found a gift for my mom finally. It was nice to finally get to see her. She's wearing making now! I was shocked. o:
So i bought Lena grey Toms for Christmas, just like she wanted. She really wanted Toms, so i got them for her. Obviously i wouldn't tell her what i got her though; however, she went and asked her aunt from her dad's side of the family to get her grey Toms. Sigh...so now, i have to go find something else for her -- which sucks because it probably wont be that great of a gift anymore. Such a disappointed.
I still need to get my dad and brother something, i plan on getting that done tomorrow for sure.
& I finally get to see my baby tomorrow! I missed him so much.
Wrapped up all the gifts i bought today for my family. It took a long time for some reason, and i ran out of one roll of the penguin wrapping paper. I hope i have enough to wrap the gifts i'm about to buy for my mom, dad, and brother.
Well i wanted to go to Valleyfair today again to return some stuff that i bought from there on Monday, so i asked Tram to accompany me. I haven't seen her in so long! I swear she is the WORSE person to go shopping with. Omfg. I intended to go there just to return stuff to get my money back, in the end i spent it all again. -___________- I returned the pants i bought from Arden B which were about 60 something. I then ended up buying a leather jacket from there that was 45 dollars. It was on sale. I guess i've been looking for a black leather jacket anyways...but gosh i'm just spending so much money this week that it hurts so much to spend more. I can't help it. Went to Victoria Secret's because she wanted to return something and i ended up spending 80 dollars there. Sigh. SIGH. I guess i'm just going to go return other stuff and get my money back. Maybe i don't exactly need a trench coat. I'll see...hmph. I was going to buy myself a Michael Kors watch too as a gift to myself, but after spending so much money on gifts and unnecessary money on myself (lol), i don't think i will anymore.
It was nice seeing Tram again. We caught up, i plan to see her again sometime during our break. :)
I hella miss my boyfriend, but he's busy tonight and couldn't come see me. What makes it worse is that he left his phone at home so i can't even talk to him. Bleh. Okay bye!
Picked Lena up today from school and went to Newpark because i was looking for a white sweater or cute blouse/button up so i can wear for my family party and/or my boyfriend's family party. I was unsuccessful with trying to find a sweater/button up, but i found a cute blouse!
We went back to her house to start baking. She wanted me to come over to her house so i can help her bake mini cheesecakes for her classmates, because tomorrow is the last day of class before her winter break and her birthday is on Friday. It seriously took a lot longer than i expected it to. I think we would have finished faster if we didn't mess up the first batch. Three batches in total, and one failed. It didn't exactly fail on us because it still tasted good. Just Lena didn't like it because it was hella ugly. The next two batches we made turned out looking better, the crust crumbled a bit when removing it from the foil. I don't know what she'll be doing about that.
I never realized how easy it was to actually bake. It's the whole making the goodies turn out like perfection that's the challenge. Because although they come out ugly, it still tastes good. :)
Woke up today thinking it was going to be a good day, and nonetheless, it was definitely a good day! I had a pretty productive morning, and a rather productive rest of the day as well. For the rest of the week, i hope to be able to keep myself busy with things to do. Whether it's hanging out with a friend, cleaning the house, or reading a book, i want to not have to sit at home contemplating about what to do and thinking how boring the day is.
Anyhow, i had a productive day today at the mall. I was suppose to go Christmas shopping on Saturday, but i had a minor setback with my plans and ended up not going. So my boyfriend and i went today. I didn't realize how late i am was on getting my Christmas shopping done! Luckily i got most of it done today, i was afraid that i wouldn't be able to. I only have 3 family members left, but i'll probably get their gifts tomorrow. Gosh i was getting so antsy at the mall, i hella just wanted to stop and go home but i just had to finish buying stuff. My feet started hurting and became stressed out from contemplating on what to get certain people, as well as the crowded mall itself.
I'm happy though because i finally found nice black jeans that fit me! I've been searching for nice black jeans for such a long time now, and i finally found a pair that i like. They're comfortable, and fit nicely in all ways. It's a little long, but i can bear with it. I'd be even more pleased if i was able to find decent black boots, i've been trying to find ones i loved for such a long time now too! You gotta love the things you buy, not just buy em cause it's close to what you wanted. Am i right, or am i right? I'm right!
I spent more money than i expected to spend, and i'm super super blown away by how much i even spent, and how many times i even swiped my card today! Just mind blown. o: I was like damn, i'd never spend this much money all for myself but shoot.....i'd love to. Wouldn't you love to spend a lot of money for yourself? Maybe one day...maybe one day when i get a job. I was thinking about that today while i was standing in line with my boyfriend. Just the whole day spending so much money, i felt kind of good that i was able to even though i wasn't spending all this money on myself. Just i know it's going to just disappear soon because i have no income, so i thought about it. I don't really know yet. I want to work somewhere i'd enjoy. Definitely NOT retail. I'll see! :)
Goodness, i'm just super excited Christmas now. I'm almost ready! Gotta buy the rest of my family members their gifts, wrap everything up, and then plan my holiday outfit. :p
Can't wait for Saturday, so i can spend some time with my baby again. He's going to accompany me while i go Christmas shopping for my fammm. Hehe, he's my favorite shopping buddy.
Gotta cherish these upcoming weeks where he's free because soon he'll just be a busy busy little bee for a whole month or two! Ahh, i'm going to be so sad and lonely not being able to see his cute little self as often anymore. Which sucks because i have a whole month off from school until i start my second semester, and i wont even be able to see him on the daily. Talk about a lame break! But i guess i'll just have to make the best of it for myself with or without him.
Today was pretty much my first day of break and i was literally in bed the whole day. To be honest, i'm pretty disgusted of myself. Bleh. After i made myself a giant bowl of Pho, i had super bad food coma and my bed just looked so warm and inviting...and then it trapped me there for the rest of the day. :l
Well i ended my night on a pretty good note. I picked up my book and read a couple chapters of Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. I'd have to say sitting here on my bed reading made my night quite relaxing and peaceful. The internet had nothing to offer me.
I don't know what my plans are for tomorrow, but i sure don't want to spend it in bed again. I just have no one to call up anymore. Sigh, i'll see what i will do. Maybe i'll clean my house...
I'm trying to find the deeper meaning of this poem. I sort of understand the idea of it, but i'm not sure if i fully grasp it or not. Hmm...it's having me think quite a bit.
I'm going for something along the lines of either how some people go upon their lives not being true to themselves/the world and when trying to find someone ideal for them, it's difficult because the possibilities of that other person going through their life "masking" their true identity as well...
Or perhaps just, people go through life so fast that they don't stop to realize that what they're looking for is right there. It could also hold the same concept as what i mentioned above, people "masking" their true selves as well as going through life so fast.
I just want to make some type of impact on someone life where i mean so so much to someone. Where when things go wrong in their lives, they still think life is alright because they still have me. Where they'll let me be there for them. I want people to think that life is better than what they make it seem. Can i make life better for any one of you?
I'm not very good with comforting people, but i try my best. At the same time i don't always want to just be soft, because sometimes you got to get slapped in the face and realize things about yourself. Sometimes people don't tell you things because maybe it's too harsh. Hey, i get shit all the time. Quit your bitching, stop over analyzing things...cold truths but i try to take them into consideration to build me up as a person. Maybe the things said are solely opinions from one person, but it wouldn't hurt to have an open mind on what others say. I know, i know, fuck what others think. There are those sayings where they tell you that other people opinions don't matter. However, SOMETIMES maybe ones opinion is actually a problem you can fix.
I'm still working on my problem, i'm taking a while with fixing it but i'm trying.
I know that although i don't have very much, that i'm a very lucky person. I don't have the nicest things, and i don't live a glamourous lifestyle nor do i appear to have one. (You know how some people, they don't really live glamorously yet they just appear to live that way -- nice things all time?)
I'll be honest, i'm lazy. Most of this laziness comes from the fact that i live a pretty easy life. My mom constantly tells me how lucky i am that i don't have to do anything, just school. Jeeze, i am lucky i guess. My parents aren't the type of parents who make me do things for myself. They don't make me go to work, or do anything. Most kids my age have to work their ass off and go to school at the same time. I guess they can handle it, but in some cases it can be rather stressful for them. I know for me it would because i'm not so used to that. My parents don't make me to any of that because they want me to focus all my attention on school. They don't want me to be working and not have enough time for my studies. So i'm lucky because i don't have to work as hard as most students do. I'm not a full time student with a part-time job who has to pay for my own gas.
Paying for your own gas is the biggest hassle for students right now, am i right? Or no...? Judging off the fact that gas is really expensive, and for students who have to pay their own gas they have to find a way to do that. With the minimum wage they're receiving, generally more than half of their paycheck goes to gas. The rest is for food, if they eat out or other expenses. Gas is always killer. Don't get me wrong, just because i don't have to pay for my own gas it still hurts me to have to get gas. I do keep my parent's money in mind, and i try to conserve my gas so i don't have to use too much of their money.
I'm lucky because i have such loving parents. I try my best to show them i love and appreciate them, and i'm glad that they aren't hateful towards me. I'm glad that they don't yell at me, and that they show their love for me. I'm glad we can share laughs with each other and have a healthy relationship with one another. As goes for my siblings.
There is just so much in my life that i'm grateful for. I'm a lucky person, i really am. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a wonderful family, and i'm young and alive.
Signed up for my classes yesterday, and only got one of the four classes that i originally wanted. The other ones were just completely full. Such a bummer! I thought i had it all figured out till the last minute when it was finally time for my registration date and i had to scurry away and plan out a new schedule that would fit nicely as quickly as possible in the case that other classes would get filled up in the next few minutes or so.
I didn't feel like i had the time to go through ratemyprofessor.com to see if the teachers would be good teachers or not; nor did i really have to choice. I was limited to which teachers and class times i could chose from because other ones were full. I kind of just had to go with it if i wanted to acquire more units. Also, i had to chose alternative classes to take instead of the ones i originally was planning to take. I guess it's alright because i didn't really feel like taking stats next semester, but now i have to take speech. I don't know much of what that class is, but i know for sure that i will NOT like talking in front of people....too shy.
Well, i paid for my classes today and now i'm just hoping that next semester will go well for me.
Babe and i also celebrated our 6th months yesterday. We didn't do much. It was basically just what we would do any other day but with more of an obligation to do it. As in, we planned the whole day before hand and intended to stick to it. Whereas, on any other day it's more of a suggestion to do certain things and the question of should we or should we not, do you want to go or not type of thing.
He had his friend make this for me. It's a photo of us painted on a canvas with a spray paint gun. I would say "spray painted" on a canvas, but he specifically told me that it's not spray paint from a spray paint can, but paint from a paint gun. I absolutely love it! I always wanted something like this to be honest. It's "artsy". And now i have one of my baby and me on my wall! I just love the way it is, i don't know how to explain it. I guess light vs. shadow, and how his friend captured it i guess. I really don't know how to explain it. LOL. But i absolutely love it. Although i put a lot of thought in what i got from him, i feel like this is just so much more sentimental and can hold more of a value.
We finally went to the nail polish place in SJ that i've been dying to go to for so long now. I got some nice nail polishes that caught my eye, and one i've been trying to get for a while now. Couldn't get the Designer...De Better from The Muppets' Collection though, and that's the one i've been dying to get my hands on. What a shame.
Then we went to Boiling Crab for dinner, yes Boiling Crab. He loves that place, and i'm merely sick of it. For some reason though, the past few weeks i was kind of craving it so i decided that we should just go there for dinner. It was good till i hit the last 5 shrimps, and i was back to that "i'm sick of this" stage.
Afterwards we went back to my house so i can change into comfy clothes because he wanted to go rent a Redbox movie and watch it at his house. So, we went and rented Limitless starring sexy Bradley Cooper and went to his place and watched it on his comfy couch with his giant T.V. It was a hella good movie!
Basically it's just about the main character Eddie, who at the beginning of the movie is living like a bum and not really doing much with his life. One day he runs into his ex wife's brother who introduces him to this mind enhancing drug that gives you 100% access to your brain. (Because according to the movie an average person can only access 20% of the information stored in the brain...i think it was 20.) Anyways, so he experienced his first pill and it made him into this super intellectual guy. He thought it was incredible! So he went to go find the brother to ask for more, turns out people were after him for his pills and killed him and ransacked his home to find the pills. Eddie ended up being able to find his stash and took it with him. And blahblahblah, the rest of the movie is how he turned his life around because of the drug and some guy was after him for the drug and so on. Watch it! It's suspenseful.
Once the movie was over, we went back to my house where we layed in bed together while he was on my computer going through supraforums and craigslists, and i just fell asleep.
I had a nice day with him, just like any other day of course. :)
Babe came over today and told me to get dressed and get ready. He didn't tell me where we were going, in my head i just figured we were going to go eat like usual. He made it seem like it was a giant secret where he was planning on taking me. Kind of trying to keep it a secret or have me wonder. Which worked, because i was hella wondering why he wasn't just telling me where we were going.
We went to Starbucks because he said he wanted some, and i got a tall Caramel Brulee Late. It was a good drink! I think it was definitely better than the Peppermint White Mocha. I asked him again where we were going, or what we were doing because he still hasn't told me. I was pretty sure Starbucks was not the mystery place he was planning on taking me. So he told me i had two choices of what we could do for the day: go to Valleyfair to go shopping (some more) or go watch Twilight. I think he thought about Valleyfair because yesterday for Black Friday we went shopping at New Park mall, OF ALL MALLS. For some crazy reason we didn't even think about what a poor mall choice it was to go there until we left at 8pm. -_________- I hella wanted to go to Valleyfair in the first place, but it slipped my mind somehow. And then Twilight was probably the second option because i've been hella wanting to watch it!
So i contemplated for a while because i kind of wanted to go to Valleyfair to look for shoes; however, i didn't want to go shopping again because i needed to save my money. I also didn't want to waste my time driving down to Valleyfair and risking us leave empty handed with an unhappy me that didn't get to buy boots. So, we went and watched Twilight. :)
But first...
Since i was hungry, we went to eat at Sushi Boat. The sushi was pretty good, but i still prefer Madfish or Satomi. It was a little more pricey than i would have hoped. Lunch was on me. :)
Then we went and watch Twilight. Starbucks, Sushi Boat, and the theatre was all in the same plaza so we didn't drive all over the place. I guess i wont go into detail about how the movie went. All i'll say is that it was awkward for most of it, but the ending was so intense. I can't wait for part two! :p
I can tell by how the day went that he thought it over about what he wanted to do with me today. It was nice because generally we're always either not doing anything or trying to figure out what to do with "what do you want to do"s being asked back and forth. It's so sweet that he thought of what i wanted to today! I love him for that. :)
And he was such a trooper sitting through two hours of Twilight with me. Hehe.
Overall, i had a really nice time today. I can't wait for next week. :p
I'm grateful for the family i have, because they have done wonders to help me realize what a great life i have. My dad reminds us repeatedly how we should be blessed to have what we have, and should never compare ourselves to those who have more than us. His philosophy on happiness is to be happy, you just have to be happy for what you have and not sad for what you don't have. I've noticed with my family that we are all so comfortable with just what we have. We're fine with the life that we live and the money that we make and we don't care too much about being glamorous or fancy. We settle for what we have and we're okay with that.
Such as my brother and his girlfriend for example, they worked hard for what they have and bought a house together. They don't try too hard to buy such nice things, and only shop for things they need or can even afford. I suppose that you can say that pretty much everyone does that, but the lifestyle that they're living...man, you just need to see them to understand what i'm trying to explain. Well i look up to my brother, i always have. To see how carefree his life is, and how carefree he is in general just makes me feel happy. Seeing that he's so happy with how his life is going, living to modestly and such makes me just see that you really don't need much. Him and his girlfriend make their own lives manageable to be happy in.
My mom and my sister also. As woman, we always want to have nice things. Generally always, right? Well as much as they wish they can have nice things such as designer this and that, or just have the money to live lavishly, they don't. Although they want that and don't have it, they're perfectly okay with it! I mean, it's always a wish to be able to live lavishly but in such circumstances you need to compromise. I don't know. My mom and my sister are great role models to me. Once you have children, you sacrifice a lot to make them happy; and in turn their happiness can be your own happiness.
And lastly, my dad. Gosh my dad, i don't know. I've written posts about him before how i'm not as connected with him as much as i want to be. But from what i noticed from him, he's such a carefree and down to earth type of man. He does good to do good, not to be praised. I love that about him. He never fails to be helpful. If you need something, he'll be there. My whole life, he's always been there for me. He's done so much for me and i never really stopped to thank him or show that i appreciate him. He's taught me a lot, and i really respect him.
I don't know if what i said made much sense, but basically i'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful because they're all wonderful people and i'm blessed to have them. I'm glad that my siblings are all making an effort to bring our family together by throwing little get together or family dinners just for the hell of it rather than just for occasions. I'm glad that we're able to share laughs together now, because before (especially for me) there would always be tension with my brother. I'm thankful that they have taught me to be happy with what i have, be happy for my life and have shaped me into the person i am today.
I want to take the time to say to whoever is reading (if anyone is even reading...) that you all should take the time whenever you can in your everyday life to tell your parents you love and appreciate them. Let your siblings know that you haven't forgotten about them. Because it's really important that you do. I try to let my mom know as much as i can how much i love and appreciate her for everything, because i don't want to someday regret that i didn't.
Well, happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you all have a great one.
I am truly blessed to have him as a part of my life. I am also very thankful for all that he has done for me, and i will never forget to show him how much i appreciate him for everything.
"Sometimes we expect much more from others because we are willing to do that much more for them."
I'm willing to do so much for you. So much...i'd seriously jump through hoops for you. Drop my plans if i know you're available. I'd buy you the world if i could, i want to make you happy; however, i don't want to spoil you too much right. I want to show you off, let everyone know what i great guy you are. I want to take you places, explore new foods, and experience new things with you. I want to create fantastic memories with you. Sometimes i just wish that you would notice how much in love i am with you, and give me back the same amount of love. Sometimes i wish you would jump through hoops for me too.
Maybe i expect too much from you, that's right i do. But it's only because i'm so willing to do so much more for you. Is it too much to ask the things i ask? Perhaps it is...i'm sorry i expect too much. I'm not perfect.
I've been getting a little bit better with my homework managing, i mean so far i have two more assignments for math to do until it's actually due on Saturday. Except i kind of pushed it till last minute when my teacher decided to want to make all the homework due Thursday. Thank goodness she didn't or i'd be stuck in a situation. So for this chapter i had 7 homework assignments to do. We started the chapter last Thursday and i didn't really want to do any of the homework, i tried to a little but it just seemed too overwhelming. About 30-50 problems each assignment. I guess the amount of problems i had stressed me out a little, but when i sat down to really do it Wednesday evening, it got through two assignments relatively fast.
So decided (since Wednesday night) that if i just do two assignment each night from that night on for the chapter, then i'll be on track. Anyways, today i completely my 2 assignment homework goal and i was starving! I was about to go out and buy some butter so i can make myself some mashed potatoes but my sister decided to text me and ask me if i wanted to go out to a buffet. I swear, i think this was one of the most exciting things i've heard in a while.
After a long homework session and being at home by myself bored all day, being invited to go to a buffet with my sister was exciting to me. How sad is that...
Anyways, it was really nice. I went with my mom, my sister, and Lena. Just the ladies. :)
We ate and all talked about things. I don't even remember what we talked about, but it was really nice. We sat there till the place closed basically. Haha. My mom loves going to buffets. And tonight i got to satisfy most of my cravings with cheap food, but it was good enough for me!
Went to my sister's afterwards because Lena wanted me to sculpt things for her. While doing that, i had a nice long talk with my sister about life and relationships. I love my sister, sometimes i wish that she was closer to my age so we can go to the club together or something. :p I wouldn't mind that. Can't wait till i'm 21 though so i can finally drink with my siblings and my parents.
Just here to remind everyone that I love my boyfriend, he's the sweetest thing.
Today he did everything for me. I love how he would generally just do anything for me with no questions asked. Willing to just let me lay in bed while i ask him to make me tea and food, and do everything else. Such a sweetheart.
Didn't really do too much today. Babe's super sick, and seeing him lay in my bed kind of just wanted me to go lay down with him. So instead of homework i just laid in bed for most of the day and tried to tend to him. Too bad he was just completely exhausted and was just knocked out the whole time. So it was a peaceful day with him today. He looked so miserable whenever he would wake up. Poor thing, i hope he feels better.
So i want to learn how to cook. I just don't know what dish i want to attempt to make first. Babe and i go out and eat way too much, whether it's a restaurant or fast food. I guess once here and there would be okay, but i think we got so used to eating out that we're just always going out to eat. Then again...there's never really anything at my house to eat. It's been like that for years huh. Lol. We're always at my house too, so when we're hungry...our first thought is to just go out. I guess it's too time consuming to go out and buy stuff too. But i want to learn how to cook just because i should. Haha, girls need to know how to make food right? All i know how to make is spaghetti, and according to my Italian stallion, it's not even legit spaghetti. :(
Anyways, i told Babe that and he said he wants to learn too! So we're going to try and cook something together. Lool. Lets hope that works out well. Wish us luck :p
I was going through old emails that i've sent over the past couple of years. I found this picture in an email i sent to my mom. It's Chowder as a baby! I didn't notice that she had that collar and name tag since she was a puppy. She was always such a cutie. Fluffy ball of cuteness. We still have her cage too. It's still in the family room...not in use anymore. She sleeps in it.
Oh, i don't know why i'm torturing myself like this. I really wish she wasn't gone. I fucking hate that she is. I don't like the thought of it...but i keep thinking about it. I guess over time i'll get over her death.
It's raining tonight. I really hope the city or someone took her out of the street. I don't want her to get rained on, and i really don't want cars carelessly driving over her body even more.
"The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have. It may never be enough, but give your best anyway" - Mother Teresa
Hm...the day started off pretty well today. Considering what happened last night. I woke up with swollen eyes so i just didn't go to school. Part of me really wanted to go find her and see her, even though i knew i wouldn't be able to handle seeing her like that. Well good thing Babe didn't go to school either (he woke up late), so he accompanied me at Starbucks for a while. I ended up not going to my second class either, and just went to class to turn in my essay and then i left to spend the rest of the afternoon with Babe till he had to go to work.
After he left i decided to just complete my homework, of course i was obligated to. For some reason, tonight i kept getting super distracted. I guess i just really didn't want to do any math at all. It took my 4 hours to finish all the assignments that were due today. -_____-
I kept taking little breaks in between problems, thats why. Haha. Surfing Tumblr, talking to people on Facebook, talking to my mom, playing with Bunny, finding things to eat, and doing my make up! I haven't done my make up like this in such a long time. I just wanted to play around with my make up tonight because i was bored...you can't really tell what i did with my eyeshadow, but i was pretty proud of the outcome. :) I'm not very good with applying makeup.
I did my eyebrows, eyeshadow, eyeliner, falsies, and blush. I don't wear foundation so i'm not completely caked faced there. :p
I left my make up on for the rest of the evening, until just now. I was about to wipe all my make up off but i decided to just wipe off half of it momentarily to take this second picture. LOL. I wanted to have a side by side comparison of me with half a face of make up and half natural. (That way, it's not as gruesome as a full face of no makeup...lol jk...) Now i'm like the Asian lady that you see pictures of with half a face of caked on makeup, and half of nothing.
You can see here, on the left, everything is just bolder and more "enhanced" as you can say. Darker eyes, darker eyebrows, fuller lashes, and rosier cheeks. Interesting, huh?
Anyways, my mom was completely down today. Apparently she knew about what happened to Chowder way before i did, but she didn't want to tell me. No wonder her eyes were red and watery when i saw her last night. She was telling me that she loved Chowder so much, that Chowder would always follow her around and stay by her side. Now she doesn't really have anyone to keep her company because Bunny is always around me. I hope she'll feel better. She didn't go to work today either, and wasn't in the mood to really do much around the house; so, she ended up going thrift shopping. I love my mommma.
Well all in all, today was an alright day. That's all i gotta say for now. Bye!
My dog has been missing for over a week now. I was about to go to the pound again yesterday to see if i can try to see if she's there again. I think this time, i should have tried to look for her harder. I should have walked around the neighborhood to try and find her.
My brother's girlfriend found her today. Someone called in and said they saw her on Mission Blvd/ Tamarack. She called me to let me know the news. I knew it wasn't good the second she told she had some news about Chowder. I was pretty much speechless, and tears just came faster than anything. I couldn't believe what i was hearing. I just wish i could have found her earlier.
I am regretful that i didn't show her as much love as i wanted. It's because of her little peeing condition. Always peeing and running away with a trail pee behind her. I got tired of cleaning it every time i petted her, that eventually i just stopped petting her all together. Every now and then i would...but most of the time i'd just get annoyed that she just kept peeing. I knew all she wanted was affection, i really wish i gave it to her. I really did adore her, i really did. She's the most beautiful dog. Her lovely coat, her cute pink nose, and her hazel eyes.
Really wish she found her way home. Christine only found a couple blocks down from my house...she was so close to home. Now she's just in the streets, and people are going to carelessly drive over her body. I want to try to go get her, so she doesn't have to go through that. Christine tried to, but she said the road is too busy. Is there any way i can get her out of the street?
Rest In Peace my little Angel. I love you, i hope everything is better for you now. ♥
Halloween weekend was this weekend! I did not go out and celebrate it. I did not have 3 costumes for every day of this weekend, nor did i go out to parties dressed up. I really wanted to dress up though actually. Haha. I wanted to dress up and go out, have funn. Do fun things! I guess some things came up, and it didn't happen. No biggie though.
I didn't even get to carve a pumpkin this year with my boothaang. :(
Halloween is dying out. People stopped decorating, no one really wants to contribute to this holiday. Leaving bowls out on their porch, turning off all the lights so people wont bother them. My mom was talking to my family bout how she doesn't even want to dare to open the door for anyone that night. Doesn't want to be risked getting attacked while she's most vulnerable, you know? Parents don't want their kids to be wandering around the streets asking for candy.
It seems as though, Halloween is soon going to just become a holiday for Adults (18+) to dress up and have an excuse to party all weekend. Amirite..?
Anyways, one thing im definitely excited for. Two dollar chipotle! I'm definitely trying to contribute in that. Hehhhe. If i don't i'll be so disappointed. :(
- School is still a drag, and i've been waking up late each morning lately. I hope i don't keep that up. I don't understand why i'm waking up late, because i'm actually sleeping relatively early. (1130-1230) Well the semester is almost over, and i'm trying to think of what classes i want to take next year. Definitely Math and English again, of course. I'll have to take a look at the plan my counselor made for me do see what classes i should take. I want to take an active class too, like Butts and Guts. Just to get my work out on :) Maybe it'll make me look slightly toner...in certain places? I don't know how that stuff works. Anyways, if that's the case, i may just end up canceling my gym membership. I haven't been able to make time to go...or more like i lack the motivation. Either i have too much homework, want to take a break from everything, or want to sleep. Bleh
- However, i'm doing good in school still. Yay. My math teacher praised me a little bit today for being a good student. Hehehhe. :p
- I'm really excited for the holidays! I'm starting to make a mental list of what i want to get people. Except i thought of what i wanted to get my dad yesterday...and then today i forgot. I can't seem to recall what it is either. So maybe i should start writing my ideas down.
- On a sad note: My dog, Chowder, has been missing for three days now. I'm absolutely devastated. I cried last night thinking about her, and then i was sitting in my car today in my driveway when i got home from school and i sat there wondering where she could be, and i started crying in my car. I felt...i don't know, hopeless. My mom has already given up on hopes that she'll wander back. Really just have no idea where she could be. I'm going to check the pound tomorrow...
- On a brighter note: I'm having a nice night, aside from the fact that my boyfriend's phone died; so, he can't text me. Sadface.
I found this song i think last night on tumblr. The song (beat and singers voice) just made me so happy. It instantly put me in a good mood, and i basically just had this song on repeat. I thought it was a love song, but after listening to it over and over again, i'm starting to doubt that it's a love song.
I happy to believe that this song is actually about a break up, or something related like that. I'm loving the lyrics though, it doesn't relate to me in anyway though...
Maybe when she says "when you leave i'm lonely..." Yah, that part relates to me in someway. Also, if i was to be in a breakup, the way she's reacting would be similar to how i would react. Asking him to stay, blahblah....
It's a good song though, absolutely love it. I can't find it on Youtube though, so i can't download it through the video2mp3 thing. So for now, i'll just have to settle for listening to it through here. Enjoy this song that i happened to enjoyed very much.
Dogs are the cutest. Dogs dressed as walruses? Well i'll be damned.
Are we ready for Halloween everyone? Cause i for one am not. Not even sure if i'm doing anything Halloween weekend...if my boyfriend goes and does something, he better be taking me with him. :p
The easiest way out of anything or everything is death; however, death does not come easy. As morbid and depressing as this may sound...it's true. It's not the easiest, there are always other options to compromise with certain situations in life.
Death does not come easy, death has a lot of consequences behind it even if you're gone from the world. You're leaving the world behind you by ending the life you have. What you're now leaving is a family who will now be filled with guilt, wishing they could have done something better.
Even if you think no one cares, there are just so many people who do care...so many people you're going to hurt. Taking your life away because you think it's "the easiest way out" is just the most selfish thing you can do to your loved ones.
My math teacher tells us over and over again: "You need to practice!" She want's us to spend at least 15 hours a week doing our math homework alone. That's approximately 3 hours a day during the weekdays. Three hours may not sound like a lot, but three hours alone for just math? It's as if she doesn't realize most of us students have other homework from other classes to worry about that may just be much more difficult and more time consuming. On top of that, some students are trying to juggle being a full time student with work.
One student told her how come she assigns so much homework for each assignment. But really, it is. Approximately 35-50 problems per assignment. All of which are very time consuming, and i emphasize the very. I mean, i try to put time into learning the material as i do it. If i get it wrong, that's more time put into the homework to just do it again. So imagine spending a longass time doing one single problem, getting it wrong and having to do it again. What if you get it wrong multiple times? Okay for my homework, if you get the problem wrong you have to do it again except with another problem that is similar to the last.
At some point in your life as you're beginning to grow up, you realize to stop worrying too much about other people. Such as, stop caring too much about what others would think of you. People are too worried about what others are thinking about them, when really no one really cares about anything you're doing. They're too worried about what you think about them. That's ironic because you're just as worried about what they're thinking about you. In the end no one is thinking about anyone because they're too preoccupied worried about others.
Did any of that even make any sense?
However, i guess it's just human nature to wonder what others think about you. Even if you claim to "not give a fuck" about anyone elses opinion, in the back of your mind deep deep down, you do care. Even if it's just a little bit.
And maybe someone out there will judge you based on your physical appearance. But whatever, right? As long as you remember that you're hot shit, it's alright.
They say that once you're happy, you don't have much to say anymore. Does anyone else agree? Maybe sometimes we just have bursts of inspiration to write. As i do now (i think). I don't know, words are just coming to me as i type. Prior to opening up this "new post" page, i didn't even know what i wanted to say. Then all of a sudden something came to me.
The last time i checked, i'm in a pleasant mood as of right now. Then again, it is 12:27am. They also say that some of you're most brilliant ideas come out late at night. Wait, do they say that? Maybe i just made that one up. I don't know, sometimes people get great epiphanies late at night while their body is begging for rest, but something in you is pushing you to keep on going.
Right now my body wants to shut down, my mind wants me to create. Although, i'm not creating much. But i want to just speak, write. Something. It's as if i'm running on "energy saver". That's what my Mac starts running on when it runs low on battery and i don't want to get up to get the charger so i just let it slowly die out. I don't think that's exactly what it's called but right now i can't think about what it's really called. And i'm not sure how to check because i currently have 35% battery life.
It's not 12:32am, and i feel like it's really late right now. Funny thing, because if this was about a year ago, i probably would think that right now is the perfect time to just go to bed. I've been going to sleep at 11pm or so this past week, thanks to my lovely boyfriend who has to go to sleep early in order to wake up at an impossible time (7am?) And i'm only up right now because (1) he's out drinking, and (2) it's the weekend for me, and i don't need to wake up early tomorrow. (Insert smiley here.)
Back to my "you don't have much to say when you're happy" thought. Perhaps that may be true. I definitely have more or a drive to write when i'm not so chipper. Mostly because i don't have anyone to talk to about my feeling, so writing my feelings and thoughts out about a certain situation makes me feel better. Writing is like therapy. Why pay a psychiatrist when you can just write! Oh, because they say things like: "And how does that make you feel?", giving you a sense that someone is really listening. Whereas, with writing you don't know who is reading...or if anyone is even reading at all. Hello? Anyone? Yah, i don't know.
And here i am sitting here (more like laying here in bed...) typing in my blog, as if it were a person. I want to pretend that someone is reading at least. Just so i don't feel useless. Then again, i'm writing for myself.
Now it's 12:41am, and i don't think my mind is on the correct track anymore. I have completely lost my train of thought. No more words are coming to me.
So onto irrelevant topics:
- I haven't gone to the club since i turned 18. I remember before i was 18, i really wanted to go to the club with my friends who were 18+. However, i looked like a little girl and there was no way i would be able to get in. Even with a caked face. Then again, i thought about it and i'm not even really that into "dancing". I just want to have a reason to get dolled up. I'm going to make my boyfriend go with me sometime soon. And i'm going to try to get Lisa to convince her boyfriend to go with her too. She hasn't gone since she turned 18 either.
- I want to dress up for Halloween! It's my first time having a boyfriend during Halloween. Yah, i know, big deal huh. No really, i've always wanted to dress up with a guy, but never had the chance to. Except my boyfriend thinks we're too old to do such things...i guess i'll just go get all dolled up anyways, and be me. :)
- I'm doing good in school. Yay.
♥
Goodnight, sleep tight. Sweet dreams. Hope you all have a wonderful sleep.
"There are no perfect fathers, but a father will always love perfectly"
I wish i was capable to show my dad i appreciated him more. For me, it's easier said than done. I've just never made that type of connection with him, i could almost say he's a stranger. I know the basics about him, but that's just the outer layer of him. However, i know that he's an amazing man. I'm not taking him for granted at all...maybe sometimes it may seem like it. I wonder what he thinks in his mind; that his children don't interact with him. Now that we're grown we don't talk to him as much.
I remember when i was younger, i loved spending time with him. He would always take care of me, make me food, take me to school, help me with my homework, teach my new things, do arts with me...each night i'd go into my parents room and climb onto their bed and sit in his lap. He would hold my palms and say prayers with me. I was somewhat like daddy's little girl.
I remember once my mom jokingly told me that no one will like me if i'm dirty. I was dirty at that time and i didn't understand what she was saying. I thought she meant that she doesn't love me. I went to my room and cried. My dad came out to look for me because that night i didn't go into their room. He saw me crying and carried me into bed with them and asked me what was wrong. I said that mom doesn't love me, and he chuckled. Telling me she was kidding and didn't mean it, and explained to me what she said.
For one of my birthdays, he bought me the shoes i wanted from payless shoes. The cool shoes that light up when you walk.
I remember holding his hand, but my hand was so small compared to his that i ended up holding his finder instead.
He liked to eat fast food. I remember he took me to burger king and i would always share a whopper with him because the whoppers were too big for me to finish on my own. I remember the day i finished my first whopper by myself and he congratulated me and told me i'm such a good big girl.
I was the baby of the family. Then i started growing older, started to not need his help with homework because i figured it out on my own. No longer cared for doing artsy stuff with him. He already taught me the essential things that i couldn't teach myself. I said prayers on my own...things just stopped happening at some point of my life and i don't remember why that is. And i was never able to reconnect with him again like the way i was able to with my mom.
He's growing older now, he isn't getting any younger. And i'm sad to say that i don't have as much time as i could possibly hope for. It's honestly that hard for me. Time and life is going to go by so fast that i wont even realize...
And even though we don't really communicate, i know that he loves and cares for me a lot. I know he wants the best for me and i know that he will do anything for me.
Lately, all i've written about was either school or anything that has to do with my boyfriend. I was sitting here wondering what i could write about so i don't sound so redundant in my posts. Because really, i noticed that those are the two things i write about most. If anything, once in a while i'll write about my day. But that's just for those days when i feel like blogging for the hell of it.
Before my boyfriend came around, i think what i wrote about most was probably about my heartbreaks, past relationships, being hurt, being lonely and once a while when i get pleasant days. They say you need to happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Where am i even trying to go with this. It was momentarily after i found happiness in myself and my life that i started talking to my boyfriend. I may have already found happiness in myself by that time, but let me just say that ever since he's came into my life i've been in the most pleasant state of mind i have ever been in a while prior to being with him. Meeting someone great can really change a certain aspect of your life and change your mindset on things in such a positive way. So...in some cases, you don't necessarily (i spelled that correctly on the first try, fuck yes) need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else, it's just recommended. It's recommended to teach one that they need to not depend on others to be happy. That they can be happy on their own. So that if the person they depended on for happiness left, their whole world wont fall apart completely. It'll fall apart for a short moment and then soon they can pick themselves up again. Do you know what i mean? So, it's recommended to not depend on others to be happy.
Happiness comes from within. Sure. I don't know. Happiness...my dad told me that to be happy with life, don't expect too much out of it. Or i think what he meant was be happy with what you got, and don't ask for too much. Don't be envious of others. Make the best of what you have. It's one of those things that really make you think in a way. You know? Like...sometimes you'd sit around wishing that you had that car, more money for nice clothes, that bag, those shoes, wishing that you didn't have to live this way, nicer hair, etc. You become envious of others that have what you wish you had, you get jealous and wish for maybe a more luxurious life. I mean, i guess it's just human nature to want more that what you have. No matter what class your classified in (homeless, poor, middle classed, high class). You're always going to want for more. Even the people with everything will wish they had something more, such as more genuine people in their lives who aren't just after their money and luxurious lifestyle. This jealousy makes you temporarily unhappy, and you fail to be happy with what you already have. My dad was just talking to me about this, made me think a little about all that i have.
Money isn't an issue for me, although, i wish i had more of it. I completely just contradicted myself. I don't care too much for money. It's just that you need to to survive, to do things. To eat and supply for yourself. Meh. I really don't know where i was even going with this post.
Infatuate: (v.) to be inspired with intense but short-lived passion or admiration for -- At some point, when i first met him, i'd say that i was very much "infatuated" by him. I was curious to know what he was really like as a person. You know how sometimes when you first meet someone, they don't let their guard down so much to show you what they're really like? I wanted to know what he was all about, what he liked and what he didn't like. He mesmerized me.
I'd get butterflies, be at lost with words. I'd have to think carefully of what i would want to say because i didn't want to seem strange to him. Don't lie; you've all done that. Funny, cause now that i think about it, it seems like when you first meet someone and you're trying to get to know them you unintentionally put up a front, kind of. You know what i mean? Need to think of what to say. Contemplate over whether or not you should text them right away or wait about ten minutes even though you were practically waiting for them to text back (that is, if you weren't doing anything.) Hoping that they would text first so you don't have to because you don't want to seem too interested. Hoping that they would text first so you would have some hope that maybe they're interested too and was thinking of you. Wondering if they feel tingly inside too, wondering if you make them melt like they make you melt. Trying to keep your cool, so you don't seem like a complete dork but not too kept where it seems like you have a stick up your ass. Everything is pretty much carefully done. What's going on in your mind when they're around or anything that has to do with them seems a little clustered. Doing all this, unintentionally putting up a front. You're not at ease just yet. Not yet at the comfort level to really, really be yourself.
Today i stumbled upon the question, is it really love, or just infatuation...perhaps lust? I mean, that wasn't even something i really had to think about. I knew the answer to that one. What i feel, definitely is not just infatuation and nowhere near lust. Yes, i'm infatuated to an extent. I'm infatuated but it's not "short-lived" as the dictionary definition defined it as, "short-lived passion or admiration". I passionately admire everything about him, everything that he is.
And excuse me, before you judge. Whoever you are. I've gotten this a couple of times, strange looks of, "really?" When i state that yes, i love my boyfriend. Let me just make that very clear that i honestly and truly do. It's just something i feel...you can't define love, you can't measure love. It's just something that's felt, and when you feel it you know. Don't you think so? By the dictionary definition, "Love" is defined as, "an intense feeling of deep affection". That is very much true, but then there's more to that. I don't know. It irks me when someone tells me that it's silly. Well, you're silly if you think that. Just my opinion, i guess.
Well, to answer the question i stumbled upon: Yes, it's love. A little bit of infatuation, and a whole lot of lust. Because well, i'm not going to lie when i say that i have a "very strong sexual desire" for my boyfriend.
Have you ever liked someone, but the timing was off? They seemed to have such nice qualities of themselves, but something just wasn't right. Maybe something just didn't click. Then maybe, because of the bad timing, you just ended up picking out little flaws of them to make an excuse of why they aren't right for you. No attraction, really that's what it might've been. All in all though, the timing may just have not been right.
They came to you at the wrong time in your life. Perhaps you're trying to find yourself. Maybe you're trying to be happy with yourself, or love yourself before you could feel ready enough to be happy with and love someone else. Too many things going on in your life, maybe their life is going no where. Age differences.
The question was, "Why did you decide to give me a chance?"
Well, simply put, you came into my life at just the right time. I'm glad that i met you when i did, and gave you the benefit of the doubt. Because probably, if i met you a month or so earlier, it wouldn't be the same. Do you know what i mean? Interesting how that works.
I realized that i don't have that many people in my life where i can just call whenever and they'll be completely down to hang out with me, to keep me company. I don't have many girlfriends, i actually...honestly feel like i don't have any at all. Just Lisa i guess. Christina may just be out of the picture because her and i are on completely different paths with life, same goes for Tram.
Yet, Lisa is always with her boyfriend. Same goes for me though. If my boyfriend is available, i'm always with him. But then when he isn't and i'm not with him, i generally don't really want to ask Lisa if she wants to hang out. I don't know, i'm strange in that way. Don't want to third wheel, and i don't want to ruin their plans.
My main problem is that i'm shy and it makes me a little uncomfortable in a way to hang out with people that i'm not so used to hanging out with.
I don't know. I wish i had more girl friends though. Girls i can talk to about anything, girls who got my back. Girls where when one is busy, the other one is available.
I miss having girlfriends. Can't believe i lost them all. Sucks.
Sometimes i feel lonely. Sometimes i feel pathetic. I don't do anything, i don't go anywhere, i don't see anyone. I'm in my house...doing nothing. And i've become so used to it that i don't even think about wanting to go out anymore.
If i didn't have my boyfriend, my days would consists of nothingness. No one to text, no one to talk to. No one to see or hang out with on weekends.
I realized that i don't make an effort to really do anything for myself because i guess in a way i put my boyfriend first. Such as, if he is available to be with me i want to be completely available for him. I wasn't really like this with my previous boyfriend, where i'd make a bigger effort to be with my girls. Then again, thats when i had girlfriends.
Starting to feel super studious nowadays. I spend at least 2-5 hours doing homework a day, depending on what i have to do. Maybe even more if i add studying and shit to it all also. The other day i even went to the library with Justin to do homework there, and the following day after i stayed after school and sat at the study hall with my friend to do more homework. Knowing me, that just seems so crazy. Because i was never known to be the person that'd actually sit down and get my shit done. My goal is not to procrastinate with anything because i don't want anything to pile up and stress myself out hella much more. Like right now, the amount of work i have to do hasn't really been stressing me out too much, however, the school work seems to be piling up a little.
I think because now i have finally faced the dreadful essay that my teacher assigned to me that's due in a couple of days. My first essay of my college life, and i have to right about nature. Nature...as if essays itself weren't such a pain in the ass to write in the first place, i have to now write an essay about my encounter with nature. I was pretty minded blown by that because how much can you possibly write about your encounters with nature? It's suppose to be a descriptive essay on one event where you had a certain encounter with nature. Pretty bizzare, but i guess thats the point of writing about nature. To challenge your writing ability, because if you can make reading a paper about nature interesting to read then you did pretty good at being descriptive in the essay. Am i right?
Then i have my first legit test that i need to study for for psych. And once again, knowing me i never really ever sat down and cracked open a book to actually read the material and have is dissolve in my mind. I tried to read a chapter in the book, but shit it's too much. My mind melted from all the words i was putting into it. I gave up and continued on doing math homework.
I definitely rather struggle with math homework than sit and study for psych and write an essay for english.
My boyfriend starts school next Monday, and he sees me with all my homework he's stressin himself out being all worried about how he may not even have the time to do all of this. He's going to continue working too, and i told him to just pace himself so he doesn't get overwhelmed. I'm afraid that we may not be able to find time for each other, other than the time that we'll end up spending doing homework together...if that even happens ._.
I'm really considering actually looking for a job now though. Probably not retail because they expect a lot, especially over the weekends and i need my weekends to buckle down and get what i need done done. Some down time...the only reason why i don't want one is because i know i'm going to be pretty overwhelmed with a job and school. Mostly i want to make sure i have time for my boyfriend. Is that kind of a bad thing? I mean i can handle school and him, but if i'm working, going to school, and he's working and going to school we probably definitely wont ever be able to find down time for just the two of us away from school and work.
I've been pretty sad lately because i don't have money for anything anymore, i'm up to my last couple of dollars from the last paycheck at ALDO. I feel bad that i can't pay for food or anything, and my boyfriend pays for almost everything. Then winter is coming up, and i really wanted to go out and buy all the jackets and coats and warm stuff i could possible get so i can enjoy my winter for once. I honestly only have like 2 jackets that would keep me warm. Fuck. And then Christmas is coming up too, and so is my boyfriend's birthday. :(
Lately, my posts have been focused on school related topics. I guess that must just mean that i got school on my mind a lot nowadays. Wish me luck with the rest of the year.
Here's a song that's irrelevant to this post, but lightweight relevant to portions of my life.
So i talked to a counselor the other day at Ohlone. I wanted to ask her about what type of route i should take to pursue my nursing career, asked her about where a good place to transfer to is, and also asked her about the classes i should be taking.
She pretty much mapped out my next two years for me with a list of what classes i should be taking in order to transfer to say...SJSU? I have the list with me, it will definitely be very useful for me. Need to stay on top of things!
Apparently, i don't even need to transfer out of community college. I can just join the nursing programs at any type of CC and go from there. By doing this, everything is supposedly set up for me to acquire my degree faster. I'm not exactly sure how that works though. I've always thought that people go to a CC and then transfer after however many years to a state or UC. So, i'm a little struck by this idea of just staying in community college. For some reason it doesn't sound right, but then there are so many upsides to it. Saves money, and easier in some sense.
I'm a bit stuck on what my plan is now. For what to do. I really need to think this over because depending on which route i want to take (stay at a CC or transfer), i need to do things differently because there are different requirements for them.
If i was going to stay at a CC i'm probably going to hop on over to De Anza or Foothill. Many CCs have a good nursing program, Ohlone being one of them also. And if i wanted to transfer, i don't think i'm going to be going to Socal. I wanted to before, but i'm not so sure now. I just want to get this schooling over with. I don't need to move so far ._. So my two choices of where to go now are either SJSU or SF state. They just sound like reasonable choices. I have my mind on SF state for right now though...but i'll see.
It would take approximately 2.5 years for me to transfer, assuming that i pass all my classes and get all my credits fulfilled.
Good luck to me! :)
Need to think of more questions to ask the counselor so i can go back and clear some stuff up for myself. Some things are a little bit confusing for me to understand especially since i'm hearing other nursing majors talk about different things.
Girls need to get it together. What's up with them these days? Why are they just all over the place, i don't understand. What ever even happened to self value? Wait, did that make sense...
It makes me kind of sad, seeing that there are so many girls out there willing to expose themselves and degrade themselves in such a way just to get guys or whoever to drool over them. To get those compliments telling them that they're sexy as hell. I don't know, what ever happened to conservatism?
Where i'm getting these thoughts from:
Girls, randomass girls from who knows where. Girls that i never seen, i don't know of and never even heard of until the second i see them on my Tumblr dashboard. Either holding their boobs together, showing off their assets, licking their lips, dressed hella hoe-like, etc. You know what i'm talking about right? Why must they do this. I mean, yah they have a cuteass face and all and they're looking good too...but why do this to themselves? Degrade themselves like that?
Because what most guys think of when they see their photos of whatever, they're thinking to themselves "damn, she's smoking i'd smack that" The thought of guys drooling over them probably boosts up their self esteem probably. Sad because they're already pretty and they feel the need to feed off of that type of attention. It saddens me, it really does.
Girls are so special, we're like gifts. But then some just don't value their self worth. They feel worthless, so they feel the need to try and something of themselves that is actually worth something...fishing for compliments? We're beautiful creatures created by god to complete society. We provide, and care. We're amazing at what we do....
I wish that girls wouldn't do that kind of stuff to themselves. I wish they'd conserve themselves. Give the guys something to think about you know? Rather than just letting them see it all...something to think about...something to wonder about. Okay, that sounds kind of weird.
Respect yourself, respect your body. Respect what you're made of. You have to be able to respect yourself for others to respect you too.
Think about it...fucking put on some damn clothes, stop taking pictures hella scandalously. PLEASE. Stop degrading yourselves. Be classy damnit. Fuck.
And the crazy thing is, apparently it is now legal for young girls of the age of 15+ to take slutty pictures of themselves. Honestly, i didn't even know that it was illegal in the first place. I guess. I heard the on the Phillip De Franco Show on youtube.
Didn't do too much today. I had a little plan in my mind of what i should do while i waited for Babe to come over. I was going to give my dogs a bath but then i realized i wanted to go buy fur whitening shampoo for my dogs, but i wanted to go to the store with him just to give us something to do. Plus i had to go pick him up anyways because his car is down again, and the store would have been on the way home. Only to my very own failed attempt to actually buy the dog shampoo, i went to walmart and bought everything but the shampoo. -______- So washing the dogs may just have to wait till tomorrow.
Anyways, babe was pretty much taking days trying to figure out his situation with his car. That thing keeps breaking down i swear. Dumb bimmer. Just kidding...but really. Poor guy's been dumping hella money on the thing. WHAT ABOUT ME. Sheesh...okay i'm really kidding about that one. And he tells me i'm running him dry on money. Pffttttt.
I felt pretty lazy after i realized it'd take him a while to be done, i didn't really want to do anything productive anymore like i originally planned. So, i decided to just lay in bed and watch Blue Valentine. I was reading the reviews for that movie and people said that this movie portrays the truth about life, family, and love so well. I mean, not everyone's life is like this but it does definitely show the hardships and struggles that some people do actually have to go through to keep their love going. So basically it was mostly about the hardships of love.
The movie got me thinking. I don't really want to spoil too much of the movie, because if you're into these kinds of sappy love dramas it's definitely something you should consider watching. Especially because Ryan Gosling from the Notebook stars in it.
So, it has me thinking about the "everlasting love" that couples vow to give each other when they're standing up at the alter or wherever giving each other the promise of their life time for better or for worse and all that. Everlasting love...does it last? Does love last? I mean, i could be wrong. I'm only 18, i haven't been through too much. I haven't been married. This is just what i think, what i assume from observing the things i hear, read, and watch. Marriages failing, people falling out of love, love vanishing, fading, failing.
Does the flame stay lit forever? Or does it eventually dim out slowly...
The flame of a candle compared to the love between two people or for a particular person. The spark..."the spark" that ignites the flame of potential or possible love. Without "the spark", there's no way that there could really be true chemistry between two. I heard from somewhere, probably from another movie, that "the spark" is just some fairy tale fantasy that girls make up in their mind. They made it up so they can have something to find, to let them know if the choice they're making is going to work out for them...i heard that somewhere, something like that. But i mean, it's this feeling we get when we're with someone we like. It's like butterflies, good chills, great vibes, good company, etc. Stuff like that, i guess that's what "the spark" actually is.
The flame i guess would be equivalent to the "burning passionate love" between two people. Such a strong connection, such great chemistry, such joy and laughter shared amongst the two. This is when the love is strong and powerful, where you'd think that nothing can ever bring you down. Like an inferno. So hot, so strong, so powerful. I guess that's why they call it burning love.
Overtime it just becomes the same routine, i guess. You two have just been through the same thing so much already. All the "i love you, baby" that's said constantly may soon become less frequent, the mini surprises, the loving gestures, the things you love that they do may just fade. The flame is dimming down, the spark is losing it's spark. Maybe you got bored, maybe you got tired of the same old thing. One person stops trying, the other stops caring making the other one not care either which results to the other not really trying either. It's like a game to see who will break first...or will is going to actually try to spark a match and make the candle light up again.
What happened? That's the crazy part. The saddest thing is when such great love, fades away. Not because someone did something, but because their love simply just faded away. It dimmed down, it's not as strong, not as powerful anymore. What happened? Nothing...nothing at all, and that's the saddest thing.
I don't know. I'm not saying this happens to everyone. It happens though, to the best of us. It really does make me think though. Does it last? Does it really last, in some lucky cases they do. But in others, married couples just stick it through till the end just because it either feels right or it's family they're worried about.
In the movie, the guy was trying one last time to make it work and he said, "do you want frankie to grow up in a broken family?" and she responding saying that the family was already broken. Things like that are always tough. Some people try to stick it through for the kids, but the kids can always tell if something isn't right. In the end, the daughter runs after him telling him to stay. That broke me up.
The guy sang this song to her when he was trying to get to know her, sang it to her while playing the uke i think and she danced to it while he sang. I found it ironic because he's singing this song "You Always Hurt the One You Love", and he fell for her when he first laid eyes on her. His love for her actually was there the whole time, till the end. It was her that lost it. She fell for him too, she really did. Unfortunately, she just didn't want it anymore. He sang this to her when they were younger, when he was slowly falling for her and she hurt him. No explanation, no chance to revive it.
You should really watch this movie, it say a lot in some sense. Sorry, i kind of ruined the ending. Watch it anyways if you want and get the chance to.
I really liked this song in the movie. It was cute.
♥
p.s. My boyfriend said the sweetest thing to me today, and i absolutely love and adore him even more for that.
Just got done watching Unknown with my boyfriend. Damn, the movie was hella good. He and i have been going out and renting movies from Redbox lately cause i don't even have cable anymore, and my house gets boring sometimes. There's just so much you can do. It doesn't have a wide variety of choices though. I guess you can't expect too much since the movies are just a buck each for the day.
Done with the second week of school. Today was such a nice Thursday for me! Took my first test in my math class this morning at 915am, and as soon as i finished i just left. That was such a nice feeling. So i pretty much was just in class for about 20-30 minutes, when usually class would end at 1050am. I decided to just go home because i had about 5 hours or so till my next class which was at 215pm. Did my psych homework, and went out to have yummy Chipotle with my lovely boyfriend. I woke him up early to go eat with me. Hehe. He went off to work, and i went off to school. I turned in my first assignment for Psych which was a take home test. Wasn't too difficult because it was a take home test. I might have a made few errors, but it's okay...sort of. Anyways, sat in class for about and hour. We didn't even do much in class today, just went over the test that was on APA formatting. My teacher let us out an hour early. When he first said that we could go, i was just so mind blown i wasn't sure if he was serious or not. I mean, that's the first time i ever experienced that. My mouth literally dropped. That was a super nice feeling.
I went home and took care of some business with the bank, and then took a nice two hour nap. Haven't taken long naps in a while. I shouldn't have napped because that messes up my sleeping schedule. Like right now, how i'm wide awake at 2am.
Oh, i took my school I.D today. LOL. The picture was pretty horrible because the lighting was just bad...oh well, not tripping too much. Don't even know what i would use the I.D for...discounted movies maybe? But i got a free planner. So that was pretty neat. :p
Kay, i never really talk about my day like this. I basically just rambled on for hella days...
At first, i was still kind of in "summer mode". Really hasn't exactly hit me that i started college yet. It's starting to sink in just a little bit, because i'm really trying to put my mind into it. Last week was my first week of college. Got to experience that great feeling of getting my first Friday off. To make it even better, i get a four day weekend due to Labor day on Monday. Friday felt like a Saturday to me, and today felt like a Sunday. But each time i forgot it was Friday and realized that it was, and how i didn't have to go to school i felt so awesome inside. :)
I got a couple of homework assignments already. Of course though, even in highschool they assign you homework the first week. For a moment i didn't even think about homework, but then somehow it hit me that...i need to check to see if i have any homework. Good thing i did check because i have a bunch of stuff due on Tuesday when we get back from out four day weekend. So good thing i started it already. I don't want to overwhelm myself with anything.
So far my toughest class has been math. Mostly because i haven't done any "real" math in a really really long time that my mind isn't even used to any of these algebraic equations and what not anymore. Everything was basically like trying to pick up a lost language or something. Basically. Trying to get the hang of that again. Everything that my teacher talks about in class and lectures on is such a blur to me. I kind of get stuck on some of the things she says. I try and dissolve it into my brain, and try to understand it but its all gibberish. I take the notes, but i don't exactly know what i'm writing. I just write it to hope that when i go back and go over it, i'll somehow pick it up. Didn't really work out for me too well. However, when i started to do the homework and go over the material myself, i realized that the stuff isn't as hard as my teacher makes it seem. I swear, most of the people are lost half of the time as she's scribbling on the board...or is it just me?? Cause the guy next to me is generally just as confused as i am. o_o Anyways, the online program that i bought for $80 dollars does wonders. I kind of picked up on the stuff myself and i understand it a little bit better. Some things are a little tough and along the way as i do my homework i get a little bit lazy. I feel that when i get lazy as i'm trying to solve problems, the information on how to do them doesn't really stick to me like it should. You know what i mean?
The one class i'm definitely afraid of though is Psych. The teacher is really cool, i hella like him. He's a good teacher, i could tell. I don't really know what to expect from that class...but i do know that i need to really be focused and really be on point with everything. That would definitely be a little bit on the difficult side because i have a tendency to space off every once in a while.
Definitely not looking forward to any essays...for either English or Psych. That's when the whole "college" thing will really sink in. From all those past years of my college peers complaining to me about their 5 page + essays, it is finally my turn.
Well it's 1:10am. I'm taking a little break from Math homework because i'm just tired of calculating numbers and what not.
Ever since school started, i haven't had the time to browse through tumblr. Bahaha. Saying that shows that i have no life...
This is the first Christmas i got to spend with my boyfriend. It's nice how accepting they are of him and even went out of their way to get him gifts also. We celebrated christmas this year at my brother's house. He just got new furniture for his home, and his house looked super cozy. 
I left my make up on for the rest of the evening, until just now. I was about to wipe all my make up off but i decided to just wipe off half of it momentarily to take this second picture. LOL. I wanted to have a side by side comparison of me with half a face of make up and half natural. (That way, it's not as gruesome as a full face of no makeup...lol jk...) Now i'm like the Asian lady that you see pictures of with half a face of caked on makeup, and half of nothing.
