Christmas 2012

I know it wasn't just me, but Christmas season this year, just did not feel like is was Christmas Season...it was pretty sad. Up till the very evening of my family's Christmas celebration, i was not in the spirit of the holidays at all. I kept feeling perhaps it's because i was newly single. You know, because sometimes the holiday season is something you want to enjoy with a significant other or something? Then i realized it's probably just because i'm older. Perhaps because i had no one to be excited about it with, people excited about it and to buy gifts for (other than family). I know it wasn't just me that felt that absence of Christmas though, it must be because we're older...or the economy. Well regardless, the evening was wonderful. As always, time with my family is always a lovely one. 

 Merry Christmas from my family and me. My brother didn't want to dress up, but for this picture he went to put on a nice shirt...and kept the basketball shorts. One day i'm going to scrapbook our annual Christmas family photos, and see how much we've changed. (Or even how people come and go in photos.)

 Got a cake mixxx!! So excited to use it. Well actually my sister gave it to my mother, but i feel like its a gift to my mother and i. Mostly i, because i seriously got so excited to see it. And i feel every time someone gets a great gift, we all just jump into the picture. 

I gave my sister blue pumps, can't go wrong :p

I can't remember the reason for this family photo...it's kind of blurry but i like it. Partly because i can't remember what it was taken for, and because of everyone's stance.

I hope everyone's Christmas went lovely. It's the thought that counts, remember that. And it's about spending time with family above all else. :)

♥

Past 3 Weekends

It's honestly been a longass time since i've just been out and about to enjoy myself with good company. And actually enjoy myself, not try to enjoy myself. You know what i mean? My past couple of weekends have been lovely. And i try to really make something of it these days since i'm always so busy during weekdays that weekends are the only times i could really just chill. I guess for a while now, i just never had the means to really care to go out. I'd be happy to just sit at home. I'm not saying i wouldn't be content staying home though. 

Went to Union Square a couple weekends ago with Patstaccs and others. We really went all the way out there to eat at Cheesecake factory though. Haha. I think originally they wanted to do more, but we got there pretty late. It was still nice to just see the view and what not, and to be out of Fremont/Sj. Apparently in SF (or at least at Cheesecake Factory) they charge an SF dining fee or something like that. Ain't that just something else. When we left, it was one o'clock in the morning or something and Union Square was closed along with everything else, so we just headed home.

 Went to DJ's two weekends in a row to drink. I think last weekend, Ayejay told me to go watch Twilight so i got all excited to go, but he told me to go to DJ's to figure things out. So i picked up Patstaccs cause he was going to come also, but we ended up drinking lol. I mean i'm not trippin! The weekend before that, we went for the Pacquiao fight. I swear everytime i'm at DJ's i eat so damn good, and so damn much. LOL. God i wish his momma can cook for me all the time. That'll surely add a few pounds to my tiny ass body. P.s. Pineapples & pineapple is the shit. :p (especially when drunk.)

 This weekend was just one spontaneous ass weekend though. Just the way i like it. Well i finally got to go watch Twilight! It was soooo good, and i'm so sad it's over. I went with DJ, Ayejay, and Aaron. Hahaha. I think it's so funny that they all went with me. Nothing gay about it. I fucking accidentally ripped DJ's hundred dollar bill...but thank goodness the guy at the theatre laughed about it and accepted it anyways. We randomly decided to go karaoke afterwards with a couple tall cans. Sang my little heart out, definitely wouldn't have had the nerve to do that in front of three guys if i was sober. Had to get at least tipsy for that. It was a good time. I didn't get home till four in the morning. Crazy cause my mom didn't really even trip...the past couple of weekends i've been stumbling into my house at 2/3/4 in the morning and she doesn't bitch at me the next day. The most she'd say is "you were out late" and that's it. I don't really want to start pushing it though. Hahah, scares me a little. Such a revelation though! Maybe cause she knows i've been working a lot. Or maybe because she's finally starting to let me off the leash a bit? Who knows! Not complaining about that one bit. :)

 Got my last final Christmas shopping done yesterday with Aaron, met up with Josh and Mark at Vallyfair. I satisfied my pizza craving at Pizza My Heart, saw Gigi at Mac and she wanted to do my makeup. Now when was the last time i had my makeup done or even haaad make up on like this! Mark was so intrigued  by it cause i guess he's never seen the process of makeup getting applied before. Getting my makeup done made me want to get super dolled up and go somewhere. But of course there was no where to go.

Ayejay, Aaron, DJ, Tim, and I ended up getting some beers and going here (photo below) to drink. Sort of been drinking a lot lately. Not necessarily a lot, but more frequently. Always a good time though i guess, just chillin with good company.

I haven't really had the time to just write about my little adventures, so i decided to just collaborate it all into one post. Not every weekend has to be filled with drinks and adventure. Although it's nice, it's nice to just stay in also. 

One more day till Christmas. :)

♥

P.s.  To the Anonymous posting up songs, i notice you. Thank you for the songs haha.

Unkept Promises

I still believe in the idea of love. I know it's out there...somewhere i guess. However, the word "love" just seems to be a word that holds broken promises. When you tell someone you love them, you're promising them a thousand things. I promise not to hurt you, i promise to protect you and be there for you no matter what. I promise to make you smile always, and wipe away all the tears you shed. When you tell someone you love them...you make promises that you don't know if you can keep. 

To hear the words "i love you", is like having the doors to a field of sunflowers and tulips open up with rays of sunshine and butterflies.Your heart flutters, and it melts into a pool of happiness. What do you think when someone tells you that? Do you think to yourself if they really mean it or not? Do you feel the same way? But when you hear those words, you feel your blood rushing up to your cheeks. It feels right, doesn't it? You don't think of negative thoughts when those words are spoken to you. 

Once those words are said, you're sucked out of the reality of knowing that this may not last. Of course you know it, but why would you have that type of mentality when LOVE is in the way. It's always baby, always and forever. 

I'm not doubting whether or not someone actually means it when they say it. At the time, they probably do mean it. When it's all over though, what does that word "love" entail then? When they say "i still love you, but not the way i used to". When you thought they'd never leave...? It means nothing. That word then is just as empty as the word "empty"...The word "love" in the context of "i love you", holds promises that will probably be broken.The idea that they may not really be there for you no matter what, they will hurt you, they'll be what causes the tears. 

It's not hopeless to find love. Maybe we just shouldn't love so easily...because then it's so easily lost. 

♥

Forward

Right now, i feel like my life is sort of falling into place. One door shut closed, but many others opened. Many others, in a sense that i have so much more going on for myself. I've written a post about how i felt like i've lost myself, and well now i'm slowly picking myself back up to who i was. Finding myself, once again. Now, i intend to keep myself in the open. Not trying to get lost again, have to really stay true to myself. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish, do things that you want to do in order to satisfy yourself. That's what i was missing, doing things for myself.

I didn't realize how much my relationship has sucked me out of reality, but i blame that on myself. I really lost myself for a moment because i completely drowned myself into it. I mean, i felt lost. Like i was missing something...but i couldn't really put a finger on it. I've written posts about it before. How i've left my friends, stopped trying to have a social life and all that also. Something important to remember: don't forget to have a life of your own aside from the life with your significant other. That's incredibly important now that i have opened my eyes to see.

I feel incredibly grateful of the series of events that occurred after my downfall with my relationship. I really am looking at the brighter side of things. Although i the relationship with S.B. ended, i gained a lot in life. It's interesting when i think about how my life came about like that...i feel like God kind of gave me a blessing. Does that sound silly? The way i see it, is that it's something i needed to get myself out of, but honestly couldn't. Like i said i was too sucked into it. But as it ended, my life began. That chapter closed, and a new one is beginning. I'm not trying to say that the whole time i was with S.B. that i had no life, i'm just saying that i'm no longer under a rock. No more missing in the action of what's going on around me. I think you really need to be in my mind right now to understand what i'm trying to get at, if you dont.

Forgot how satisfying it is to make my own money. And i love my job, which is even better. I've been unemployed for over a year, and stopped going to the gym. But now i'm back on that grind, and i haven't felt so good about myself in a while. I don't feel so empty.

I forgot what it was like to have somewhat of a social life with my friends. I feel bad that during my relationship, i left them out. But i'm so grateful that they're here for me still after that fact.

God has granted me a couple blessings, although i had to endure the pain of the heartbreak. But he gave me the strength to get myself back up and be okay with everything. I honestly didn't think i'd be strong enough to get through it, but i made it out. And i have my friends, family, work, and God to be so thankful for that.

Right now, i want nothing more than to just live this life. Go day by day, and see what happens. Do the things i plan to do, and head towards a bright future. I look forward to see what 2013 has to offer me. I look forward to all the opportunities and all the possibilities.

Here's to a life to live, that life goes on no matter up. Just pick yourself up and go. Everything will always be okay, if you want it to.

♥

Update: 12/16/12

I've been so busy lately, which is a good thing in a way. I started working about three weeks ago, and from then i've just been doing work and school every other day till evening. Now that school is over for break, i'm going to be starting to work full time starting tomorrow. Everyday so far has been sort of the same routine. Work/School, come home in the evening, have dinner, go to gym, come home and rest for the next day. I'm glad i have weekends off though, except i've been helping my sister out again whenever she has weddings - just to get extra cash. Been chasin' paper :p

So this is exhaustion? Working, not having time for yourself? I haven't had the time to just sit here and blog about my thoughts, or to chill and do my nails! I don't have the energy when i get home from work/gym to clean. Well i do, i just want to because that couple hours after the gym is the only time i get to just relax. I'm not exhausted, per ce...just tired. I wonder if i'm over working myself? You know, sometimes i'd be so tired, but i'd still conjure up the energy to go to the gym for a little bit. I could get a day off, my work is pretty lenient. What for though right? I like being busy...for once. I'm not over working myself. I'm doing life.

Gym progress update:
I'm going to the gym four days a week now instead of five, just so then i can have some sort of social life on the weekends. If i happen to have nothing to do on Fridays, i'd go to the gym. I think i need to take it down a bit with my work outs. I'm doing good with flattening out my stomach, but at the same time i think i'm getting skinner...which is not good at all. I think after i'm satisfied with my tummy, i'm going to fatten out again. I honestly don't know what to do about my weight problem...i need some protein bars or something! If anyone that's reading knows any way for me to get healthy fat (that wont just sit at my stomach) please share!! I've also started to do yoga, twice a week. I hope to increase my flexibility and whatever else yoga is suppose to do for me. I'm getting used to it, because when i first started out it was really hard!

I feel like in really contradicting myself, trying to get fatter yet i keep going to the gym? I really do want to gain weight, and get a bit chubbier. I want to be at least 110 or something...it's never been easy for my to gain weight. But i'm not going to the gym to lose weight, i'm going to tone up, get some muscle weight, and lose tummy fat! I need to talk to someone about this.

Endorphins. :)
No progress shot today.

I guess that's it for now! Toodles.
♥

Biebs

I wasn't aware there were actually people that read my blog? So i never really check comments...but who sent this to me!! I guess by my asking, defeats the purpose of "anonymous". Kind of made me smile for some reason. The blog post  was basically me talking about the way i love and the type of person i am as a "lover". The anonymous person sent me the following song:


Love Me Like You Do | Justin Bieber

I was wondering what Anonymous' purpose was of sending me this song. Haha. It was sort of relevant or seemed to be in response to what i had to say in that blog post. I don't generally listen to Bieber. I don't quite know what the big fuss is about him, where people hate him and love him. Maybe it's a love hate thing. Like why is this kid so lucky to have been able to get discovered by Usher and date Salena and now gets to hang out with VS models, AND has a nice ass car. Nice ass everything i guess...nice ass life. No hate for him though, i appreciate his music. They aren't bad. I guess something about it sometimes is just wtf? But he sure does have talent!

Anyways, whoever reads my blog...if there happens to be more than 2 people. Whoever is out there reading this at this moment, you should interact with me and my blog and lmk your thoughts on the things i say/feel. Just to make me feel...happy. Hehe. Just kidding, you don't have to. BUT i mean, if you feel like it don't hesitate.

And to Anonymous, thanks for the song. I listened to it like 5 times after i realized you sent it.

♥

Fight

From an instagram post, that was probably originally found on tumblr:

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not won’t. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At time, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lost something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.

I really couldn't have conjured up the words any better myself.

♥

Heartbreak

You know when you’re little, and you think about “heartbreaks” it was never really something you thought you could feel. It was something you heard about, saw in movies where someone will cry and cry about losing someone. You wondered, why is it called a “heartbreak”, does your heart really break?

Until you grow older, and you actually experience the feeling for the first time, the second, third, and so on. Each heart break hurts incredibly. You feel it in your chest. It’s tight and wants to jump out of your body. Your heart feels like its stuck in your throat, and you sob and sob…maybe you’ll scream out to the world, and maybe you’ll hit something. And you feel it - your heart breaking into pieces inside of you. You grip your chest wanting the pain to go away, but it doesn’t. There’s only one thing that could really mend your heart at that moment, to hear that it’s not really true. You’re in denial, you must be dreaming. But it’s true, it’s happening. Your heart is breaking. It wants to jump out of your body and die. But instead, it sits inside of you letting you carry around that pain until over time…it just heals.

Maybe that's just me.

♥

Lonely Girl