Second Chances

Everyone makes mistakes, and i feel that if it they really want it, they deserve a second chance.

I also believe that for some people it may just take a little bit longer to change and fix their faults, and they should be given that time that they need to improve.

Fly me to the moon

Fill my life with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Pft.

Kind of sucks when the one you want doesn't want you.

Kind of sucks when the one you want, you can't have.

“It’s okay. It’s okay to want someone you can’t have. It’s okay to want something more. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, and it’s okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not, it’s always going to be okay. That’s just how it works. Sometimes things don’t work out how you want them to, and most of the time, it seems like they never will. But eventually, everything is going to iron out some way or another. You just have to believe, keep your faith, and move on.”

- Unknown

Damn, i gotta stop thinking bout this kind of stuff and "do me". That's what someone kept telling me last night. "Kathy, you gotta just do you." It made sense last night, but now that i type it out...it sounds kind of funny. But i understand what he means. Cause on the real, i can rely on myself for my own happiness.

damnit!

im always the one that screws up and makes a fool outta myself when intoxicated. shit.

change

Yah, so i've done some horrible things.

Yah i have a bad mindset and i handle things terribly.

I know what type of person i am and i am determined to quit what i do and be a better person. Cause i guess personally i'm a bit of a grimey person.

And i'm sorry for that.

sincerely sorry from the bottom of my heart

carplanss

Car Update:

I've been looking into buying new rims for my accord. Found out Rota has pretty cheap nice ones. So i'm lighhtweight looking into those.

Maybe some HID lights too...

And a new paint job.

Unless, my mom gets me another car i want. Well if she does i'm still going to try and fix it up a bit. Teehee. Useless spendings, you may say...but its fine with me. Oh this can only happen if i get myself a job. Oi.

Do you have a band-aid? Cause i scraped my knee when i fell for you

I really do wonder what it is that is so great about you that made me fall for you so hard. I can't pinpoint it...what can it be. How is it that i fell for you the way i did, but now i can't for anyone else.

i want to be bigger.

i don't know if i mentioned this before.

well i'm only small/petite because of my small bone structure. sometimes i really despise it.

i want to be bigger, not fat necessarily just i suppose you can say "thick".

what can i do to substitute for that, because that's definitely never going to happen.

if i were to just start eating a shit load in hopes to get "bigger" i'll just end up looking fat, and not the way i intended to be.

today i feel ugly.

& with that said i really need to do something with my life.

If you cared

If you cared no matter what, hella busy, hella tired, whatever...no matter what you would try to get in contact with me. That's what i expect. Am i asking for too much? I don't think so. Really not, just hello will suffice. Anything would make me feel at ease, to show that you're still there.

To make a girl happy, you know? :)

She just wants to know that you care. It may apply to males also.

Got game?

Don't think i do actually.

Either its been a while or my mind/heart just isn't up to it.

Well lately, i have been thinking...

I kind of stopped caring about guys for a while. Just stopped caring about whether or not they cared about me, because i found it to be useless. I mean i'm already happy as it is, so why add complications like boys?

Anyways i realized that i do NOT have "game". That's what its called right? Iono how to get a guy to want me i guess. If anything, it's always the wrong guys that i unintentionally real it. But...that doesn't even happy.

I was talking to my guy friend and he said something about flirting. In in my opinion i feel like (if anything) i'm not as flirty as i used to be. Really i never really thought i was to start off with but people seemed to get that from me, so i guess. I always thought of myself as friendly...any who.

So i was thinking about the whole concept of flirting. What does it do exactly...what is it, and how is it done? Because as i was thinking about this i don't think i even know how it is really done!

Is there any hope out there. Actually it is something that just comes naturally, not something that you gotta think and strategize about otherwise it will be off. You know what i mean?

Bobby Tinsley - Missing You

Last Winterballs

Long overdue post of how it went. They were whatever. I had great dates, both very kind to me. Haha. Last Winterball ever. Tear. The dances themselves were both just whatever. Didn't think much of it, went there and left. I had a decent time though. Honestly, i'm kind of over school dances. They're so blah. I don't even think i'm going to go to sadies...who even knows about snr. prom. Thats something i want to go to, but don't care much if i don't go...not sure.

WHS Winterball w/ Yared

My own last winterball w/ Trent

Yah not much i have to say bout how it went...

Fake smile in the second picture though. :(

SF bound

Happy MLK day. :)

Really can't wait for spring break. Just want to get outta school already. Even though i should be cherishing my last few months of highschool because highschool is supposedly the "best four years of youre life" i really want to get the fuck out, now. Especially for me because all of the classes i'm taking right now are completely useless and a waste of my time really.

Drove to SF today for the first time. Its was a bit scary because i was not familiar with the roads at all. I kept thinking i was turning onto a one way street. Lisa and i went to go pick up her bumper from some car place. Thank goodness i remembered my back seat could be put down otherwise the bumper wouldn't have fit. Had some dim sum and pork bun. Hehe.

That's pretty much my day really...we did some recording of our adventure there for Ethnics project. Hopefully we got some decent footage.

Still thinking of places i can apply to.

Still trying to start working out. I think i'll officially go work out when i get shoes, and membership. I told my mom that i'll just go running around the lake to save us some money. She responded with calling me crazy and don't even think about such a thing because i will get kidnapped. I guess...being a girl has so many restrictions.

im alive

hi. i am here. i am still alive.

still currently have no inspirations to write like i used to. i mean its not like i really wrote before.

thoughts from today....

well i'm going to invest in running shoes, because i need to work out. "work out kathy? wtf you're hella skinny, you don't need it" yah whatever, im going to go get toned :) tehe.

and then i also need a new job...

and a hobby.

Shady Fucks

Heres to all the shady people out there:

Fuck You

First of all, all i have to say and well...don't be so damn shady and fake.

Don't mess with peoples feelings and give them FALSE hope. That's messed up.

Be a true friend, be true to yourself, really now.

You always know how to make me feel so damn pathetic.

So done with you. So over it. I mean it this time.

Hopefully at least. Going to use all my will power to not fall again. Because right now i need to pick myself up and start over. Rebuild myself to the girl i truly am, except new and hopefully improved. Hopefully for the better?

I will have good things to say, good things to share. I'm going to get my ass out of my chair and do something on the daily. That's my goal.

I REALLY WANT TO WORK OUT! I get so anxious thinking about it, but my mom's lagging on getting me membership. I need a workout partner. I'm so excited. :)

Future Plannings

Hella been worried about what i’m going to do with my life lately. I’m not really thinking too far ahead. Just worried about what i should be majoring in and what kind of job i want. Of course my decision doesn’t exactly have to be what i’m going to be doing for the rest of my life but i feel the need to make that decisionnow or at least very soon. The clocks ticking and i feel like i’m running out of time.

What i’m afraid of is that i wont have motivation. The last thing i want to do is to not know what i’m working for. I think that’s the problem with most people…they don’t know what it is that they want and they’re just cruising along till it comes to them. I really don’t want that. If i have in mind a structure of what i want and where i want to be, i’ll know what i’m working for and i’ll work for it. I feel like that way, i’ll have more motivation and a better chance of getting where i want faster. I just don’t really want to waste my time, you know?

I guess i’m still “young” and i have time…but when will the time be up? I feel like these past four years or whatever have been such a joke to me that i never really focused on my future planning. Because highschool is the preparation for what’s coming next in your chapter of life. For what matters. And well basically i’ve just been putting this all off and waiting till now to figure it out.

Just been trippin lately bout this, that’s all..

Hopefully itll just come to me…like an epiphany.

& on another note........

I quit my job at Pacsun today. I guess that's that, i'm not unemployed and searching for a job. Don't know where to start. After all i am only 17 and most places like 18+

In the mood to shop

So i guess i'm about to quit my job soon. I really need to find a more consistant job soon because i really need this...i can't depend on my parents to give me money anymore.

Anyways, i'm out of money basically. Aiyah.

And lately i've been really in the the mood to splurge. Maybe i should hit up a thrift store and see what i could possibly find. You gotta be hella patient with those places to actually find decent things though.

Hey, it's not a competition.

For party people and what not, maybe it is. However, for me it just isn't.

Fact: I'm a lightweight.

Is that a problem? Is that something i should be ashamed of? Tell me, cause i'm not sure. Whatever. I'm not ashamed of being a lightweight, okay? Shit its just alcohol.

I don't go out and see how much i can possibly indulge before i'll get drunk or black out.

Well i mean, i know my limit. I know how much i can intake.

I don't know why people say stuff like, "Hahaha, wow...that's kinda sad Kathy!"

Wait...what's sad? Its sad that i can't drink a lot of alcohol before i become stupid drunk? Its sad that my liver isn't strong enough to hold so much intoxication to keep me in more of a sober state longer? Is it really a competition out there, because i wouldn't know. I don't go out to party practically every week. Seriously, i don't. Haha.

On top of that. FYI. Did you get a good look at me? I'm 100 lbs. (Yah, Sadly i am 100 lbs.)

I'm small and petite. My body frame is smaller than everyone, and my bone mass is lighter. Thats what my wrists are so small and my watch wont even fit my 11 year old niece.

Anyways, all this adds up to the simple fact that i just can't drink as much as YOU can. You or anyone on the damn planet.

On the brightside, when i'm legal to drink and go to a bar, it wont cost as much for me to have fun as it would for most people.

end rant.

this was pointless to rant about. i just wanted to say that i'm lightweight.

watch out for me. byes!