Remember me

I was thinking about this movie with Robert Pattison (Sp?) never thought he was a good actor. He isn't really, no offense to those who think otherwise. This movie was kind of boring. But it just ended...and i'm glad i stuck it through and watched the whole thing. The ending is just amazing. So unexpected.

I cried.

Day 14: Drifted apart

The drift was originally because of my lack of effort to respond to texts, and not show up to class.

At least that's what i think. The one time i got too caught up with my life, i didn't include her too much into it. She told me that she's now used to it. Used to not seeing me, used to not talking to me every single day. I sure do regret it, but i didn't think much would change. Its funny because i was just caught up with prom. Hm...when i was finally done and wanted to see her, she was then caught up wish her own life & left me out of it. Now i feel like we've just drifted apart. I try to talk to her, and see her but it just doesn't really seem to work out. This is a friendship i don't want to see end. So i'm still going to make an effort. Because she's worth it.

Day 13: & i'm done asking.

Dear the one i wish would forgive me,

Really, there is nothing more i can say. If you forgive me, i think i would cry. My mind would be full of confusion, it would just be clouded and i wouldn't know what to think. I probably have gave you a great deal of pain, but the hurt i caused you probably doesn't compare to the amount of pain you have caused me. Enough of that though. Because if you were ever to know how i really felt and what i was thinking, i have a big feeling you're just going to laugh at it and push it aside saying "idgaf". Let me tell you though. You're a great person, and i love you still...

If there was anything i would want to tell you, it would be to let you know that my life has became less unhappy ever since. I guess that's a good punishment, isn't it?

Debby Downer

Lately, i've been putting myself down a lot more than i like. I don't understand why i do it.

I'm letting my negativity take over.

the smiley face

parenthesis, colon. (:

To me, the smiley face is more like a friendly gesture. To make the mood right. In the case that the moment may seem rocky, the smiley face can ease everything out.

It shows emotion. Happiness.

But then other people also include the smiley face as flirting. I guess i can see where people come from. But not every smiley face means that the person's tryna flirt. Don't know why sometimes people just trip balls over a simple smiley face.

imo.

Day 12: Hm.

I don't really hate anyone necessarily. If anything, i may only despise them for hating me. Either that, or because they pushed the wrong buttons. Heh.

Right now, i can think of about 2 and a half people who have caused me some pain. Half because, this person only caused me pain because i basically brought it upon myself.

Actually, the people who have ever caused me pain was because of my own faults also. I guess i can't exactly blame them entirely for anything at all. In the end, maybe i just deserved it.

Its hard to really put words together to say what i feel.

In my head, part of it is your fault too -- and this is to all 2 and a half of them --

I'm not upset. But you definitely think that it's my fault, so maybe it's not my place to say "i'm not upset". However, i do say this as some sort of peace offering. Something like that. To let you know, that i wont be a bitch about anything. I put it all aside...and now i'm just full of hurt.

Eh. Well, i want them to know that i wish that everything can be put aside. I wish that we can communicate. Well that goes to one person...

To the other, we'll youre just a jerk. If you were to come see me and ask for my forgiveness i would just say screw you. Sigh.

And to the half. I have nothing to say.

Maybe just...although i made hella mistakes, maybe you could be the bigger person, and you are, and just be nice. Don't have to be so mean about everything. -_-

Day 11: Deceased

1. Marilyn Monroe

I actually know nothing about her. I just know that she was an icon back in the...what? 50s? Not sure. Hot babe. Yah that's right. I want to meet her, to get to know her. To know her ways. How come she is so loved. How come she said so many meaningful things that her words are now quoted. I mean not just cause she was famous and it came out of her mouth. But because, the words she said...well i'm being redundant, they're just meaningful somehow, someway.

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe

2. My mother's mom.

Simply because she's my mother's mom. The last time i saw her, i believe i was 5 years old. My only memory of her is when i went to Vietnam 12 years ago and she gave me a hair cut. A boy hair cut. Well not really but my hair was really short. My second memory i had that included her, was visiting her grave and bawling my eyes out for this woman that i think i only met once in my life. At least once, and i have some sort of memory of her. I bet she was an amazing woman.

Hm...i miss my family in Vietnam. I wish they were all here.

Day 10: Happy Father's Day

Previously, i said something about my dad. How i don't exactly know him, how i want to meet the person that he is. I don't think that anyone really knows what kind of man he actually is. I feel like the family kind of underestimates what he is capable of.

Basically all i know about my father is that he's in a shit load of stress, loves his wife, anti communist, and cares for everyone a lot. And everyone being people of the outside world. I'm sure he cares for the family as well, and i don't want to talk bad about my father...but that's just what i know. And see, thats what i'm trying to get at here...trying to figure out what's up with this man. What is behind all this?

He's a man full of mysterious. I always wonder what he's feeling inside & what he is thinking. What is he thinking about the world and his kids. I barely even see him though. I would see him in the morning before i go to school and say bye, he would reply telling me "Goodluck!" -- he would always say that, ever since i was little. Goodluck at school. -- and then i would probably see him in the evening at night & i would greet him and he would say "Hi". I can't exactly get much out of him. The only time he really as anything to say to me is when he's talking to me about life. When he does, it's pretty interesting.

I knew him more as a child than i do now. I guess because as a child i was more active. I did more. And you know how usually the dad would teach you how to do everything? I guess during my learning process of everything, thats when i knew him most. I was close to him. He took care of me, held my hand and talked to me. Helped me draw. Make pretty things. It was amazing.

He is such an artist. Such a creative mind he has. I totally forgot about what he can do. I remember every year in elementry school, on St. Patricks day, there would be a hat contest. He would help me the night before. Make the coolest hat ever. I honestly thought it was so cool. And really, it was. Wow. Glitter and clovers. Tehee...my hat made other kid's hats look like nothing. :p

He's a very smart man. He would always help me with my homework, then again what father wouldn't? His favorite subject was math. He was really good with numbers and that was something he loved to help me with. I thought it was kind of annoying. Whenever i would ask him to help me with math homework when i was younger, he ended up sitting there with me and watch me do it. Do all of my homework, making sure everything was correct. I didn't like all the pressure that it gave me, so i soon stopped asking him for math help.

Its hard to talk to him. There isn't much to say. There isn't much to say that i would think he could understand. What is there for me to talk to him about anyways? Yah, its hard. And its very sad that over these years, i seemed to have lost connection with my dad. What scares me the most is that i'm not even sure if i can ever get it back. Because i don't understand him, he doesn't understand me.

Sad that, he spent years raising me and now i'm basically gone. Well i might as well be right? I'm his daughter, i live under his roof and he doesn't even know me.

I wonder if he's ever jealous that i communicate with my mother so much more.

And then i wonder, is he even happy? -- Yah, i think that about my folks a lot. -_-

If there is anyone out there in the world that i wish i could talk to more, it would be my dad.

Happy Father's Day.

Or late father's day.

Day 9: I want to meet

I wish i could meet the person that people hide from the world. Because everyone always seems to not let themselves go fully and be themselves. Be the person that they really are. They weird quirky person that does weird things when no one is looking.

The person that is more than just the eye can see.

I wish i can meet my dad. Its funny to say, because i live with my dad. I see him almost every day. But the thing is...i don't even know him. I haven't exactly met him. -- probably more to come in the next post or so.

I want to meet his girl. She's a great person and all, but i know that there is more to her. All i see is this happy girl. Happy and joyful. But then there's something in her, thats not out. I feel like its because she has this guard up, and she doesn't really let people see her true emotions. However, it would just be nice to see some more out of her. But its a good thing, that she's strong the way that she is.

Sometimes you don't really get to meet a person's true self, till they feel completely comfortable. Enough for them to feel like its okay to peel off their outter layer and reveal their true selves. Who they really are and so much more. Because sometimes people are afraid. I don't blame them. I wish i could be the assuring friend.

If you were to get to know me. It would take a while. Not sure who long...but it might just take a while to get me to be completely comfortable, to show you my true self. I mean this is me! But there's more to it, and nobody knows.

Day 8: In ter net

Cyber Buddy from Cyber space. Hello. Hmm...

So you're thousands of miles away. Actually i have no idea exactly where you're from.

Stranger to me, yet i talk to you. How odd.

Not a creeper though right...

Eh. People from the internet. Can't trust them can you...?

bt.

Day 7: Little fucker.

I find it unbelievable that you would think so lowly of me the way you do. You say you fucking believe me, but i can hear the doubtfulness in your words. You are ridiculous . Who the hell do you think i am? Actually, what kind of girl do you think i am? Obviously some type of hoe. Are you kidding me here.

I can't believe you would even doubt me like that. You know me. Even though i might have changed a little in your perspective...you still know me. Really now, i am better than that. You know me, and you have been with me. I guess if you seriously believe what you believe then, congratulations, you dated a slut. Fuck you -________-

Its angers me, because you have always thought so lowly of me, and you continue to do so.
Fine, whatever. Believe what you want. Because i know what i'm like.

Don't need to prove anything to you. I thought we were over all this.

So at first i wasn't sure what to write about for this day. Or who to write about because it said "ex,love or crush". Till this came along.

I don't like being upset.

I need to study.

Vocabulary? Alright thenn. My studying helper is gone right now. So i'm going to do this on my own. Prepare for a bunch of nonsense. This will be published. Oh boy!

Staid: fixed, settled or permanent. - Sounds like "stay". To stay somewhere, you are in a "fixed" position. Right? Something like that...close. Use that in a sentence...

Nobility: class of high rank/ important - Uh...Noble prize. > Important. Yah? Yup. Nice.

*Spectroscopic: Optical device for producing and observing a spectrum of light./Optical illusion. - So i guess a spectrum has something to do with light. If i can remember that, maybe i'll remember the definition to this.

Contralto: Lowest female voice/ voice part between soprano and tenor. - Whaaat? Well...lowest female voice. Think "low". > "Contra" is like contradict, "alto" would be tall in spanish. So...contradicting tall would be short. Short is like low. Hows that?

*Vacuous: Empty. - Well this is a hard one. I'm just imagining a vacuum emptying a room in a picture. You know, like sucking up the whole image. Well...it makes sense im my mind. How do i use this in a sentence?

*Provocation: Something that incites/ instigates. - To provoke? Or what....


___________________i keep getting distracted..._________

*Corpulent: large or bulky/ BIG FAT? - Great....Hm

*Sauterne: Semi sweet whine. - Whaaaat?? Well i checked the definition again and it said something about "dessert whine".

This is hopeless.
Look at all my *. :l

Jauntily: Well kept, fashionable. Or Happily? - Ms. Wong said happily. That is nothing close to what i got. I don't understand.

UGh. -__-

Florid: Reddish, ruddy, rosy. Or something flowers. - Florid, floral, flowers, flowery. Yahh.

Malevolence: State of being ill will. - Wthell is "ill will" though anyway...Oh, hostile. Hm. Well sometimes "males" can be pretty violent, making them hostile. Hostile men. Or...Violent males?

Vinous: Containing wine. - Vinous like vineyard. Vineyard = winery.

Deplore: To regret deeply; express grief. - I'm thinking about deport. Like deporting someone. And for some reason i'm thinking about someone getting sent off to war. In result you'll be sad. Thats the best i got for this...

*Apparition: supernatural appearance of something. - O_O Ghosts. nhrdsf.gfsgds. Uhm...suppernatural? I have nothing for this.

*Subterfuges: Evade a rule; dodge -

Im screwed. -__________-

45 words to remember. + the final itself. Goodluck to me.

Day 6: Heh. Hi. :3

This may be a little bit creepy, but come on now...is there anyone out there who knows of someone and they kind of just...okay well yah this is kind of creepy.

Hi stranger. You're really cute, i wish i had the balls to go and get to know you.

The problem there is that i'm never good with getting to know people. I have a feeling that when i want to get to know a certain someone, and then i try to befriend them, it never really works out the way i want it to. Maybe it has something to with how i'm an awkward person and apparently i'm hard to talk to. Yah, that might be it.

I guess i rather be approached than be the one that is approaching.

__________________________

http://hellokathyy.blogspot.com/2009/03/stranger-will-you-be-my-friend.html :

Day 5: Wishful Thinking.

What is a dream though anyways? Something you hope someday will happen, but probably might not happen? I was watching Glee, and this guy said something about your dream would never come true. How sad. Well lets knock on some wood because i hope my dream will come true. I just hope that i will make it in life, not exactly become wealthy, although that would be nice. Just maybe make enough money to get by, to be able to buy nice stuff once in a while and be happy. I hope that when i get older i will know how to take care of myself - that's something i'm really afraid of because i'm very clueless with what life has to offer to me. I barely know how to do anything. Well just best of luck to me.


So i skipped a few days, and i'm going to do it all right noow.

Day 4: Brother Sister dearest

To my brother that will never really know -
Although ever since we were little we have never really gotten along with each other, i have always looked up to you. I remember i always wanted to be with you, hang out with you and play with you and all you were ever able to do was push me away. I tried to push forward anyways and get your attention. But that was when i was little. As i grew older i stopped because i just then saw you as a mean brother. Kind of stopped caring.

I still always loved you anyways. I still kind of look up to you. What makes me happy now, is that we are lightweight close now. Closer than we ever have been. I'm not saying that we're hella close and talk to each other about stuff. Its easier to joke around with you though, and i'm not all that afraid of you. I'm glad. Things are good. You are very kind if you actually try to be.

Thankyou for the food.

To my sister who knows for sure -
Keeping it short because i know you know that i love you. Hehe.
I love giving you hug attacks! I love giving you many kisses.
Thats it. :3


p.s i wish i could sing. Watching Glee really makes me wish i had that talent. Bummer!

Day 3: Folks

Oh gosh, i write about my parents a lot...well kind of. And now again?
Just check: http://hellokathyy.blogspot.com/2010/06/elderly.html

My sister is staying over tonight. (:
I don't like being lonely.

Really, life just NEEDS to get more interesting. My mother needs to let me explore the world more...if you know what i mean. I guess i just need to start working asap, then i'll have something to do. Yah...seems like the only time i really get out of the house now a days is when i go help my sister out with weddings on Saturdays. The best time of my week is usually when i'm spending time with her now. Don't know if that is considered a sad thing or not. I mean i like it and all, spending time with her. Its really nice. Just where is my life at? Ahah. Now that's sad, not knowing.

Nice weather tomorrow! Sweeet. :D

Day 2: Mmm Damn

Aww shhiiieett...
Its so sexy when a guy can sing or dance, such a turn on. That, as well as nice arms.
Mmm, nice arms. (; No fair that someone that talented can't just fall upon my door steps.
He doesn't even need to sing to me, just the existing talent would be nice.

Making me melt in my seat.
Just saw this guy on tumblr.



He has an amazing voice. Its so soothing...hella talented people out there on youtube with such beautiful voices. I was looking through his other videos and yeah, his voice i something. Sounds like someone you hear with a record deal huh? But i seriously got tingles when i heard this. Hehe. Giggle. & Apparently he has some type of accent. That's pretty surprising. Its interesting how people with accents can sing so well and you can't even tell they have one!



Jeff Bernat is a creative guy with his songs. Will actually i've only heard two, and so far i really like both songs. I heard this song last night and it really made me smile. Made me happy. Doesn't it make you happy? Makes me all lovey. Aw...

This guy, not Jeff Bernat, but this guy doesn't realize how he makes me smile. Tehee.
Drives me mad sometimes. I'm just utterly confused. Sometimes i just want to pounce.
Grab him and well...come here, give me a kiss. :*

Give me some lovin, and you will make me a very happy gal.
I can wait, i'll be patient. Patient for some guy to come along and sweep me off my feet. When they day comes, i will be glowing.

Elderly

I live right across from this old couple. My family and i sometimes as we sit in our kitchen looking out, we see them sitting together outside on their porch. Who knows what they talk about. I wonder what they think about. Its very cute, very sweet...just amazing how they still have that special love for each other. I see them hold hands and sometimes the wife she lays her head on his shoulder.

I always wonder if they're ever lonely sometimes. Probably, just a little...they're kids are all grown up and don't live with them anymore. Sometimes they come over and visit, which is nice. At least they have each other.

When i see them, i kind of have some sort of hope. I'm not quite sure. I just hope that my parents can be like that. Living in peace and happiness. Because it seems like they are lonely sometimes also. You know how people say like "at least they have each other, just the two of them" Even though that may be true, and it maybe be just what they need...it may just not be enough. I really feel bad sometimes that us, as their children don't give them much attention and love. Although we do love them, we don't show it as much as they would want.

Its a cycle. How as you're little your parents would have to take care of you, then when you get older you would have to take care of them. I think the same should apply for the way we are towards them. As kids, they would care for us, talk to us, spend time with us....we are the joy of their life. And i bet it would just mean the world to them if we can just return the favor. They don't ask for much do they? Just some attention from the kids they raised. Just the little gesture, just with me talking to my parents...it would mean something.

I don't know if it is because i'm the youngest, well actually i think it is because i'm the youngest, that i'm kind of disconnected to my family. Now that i think about it, like this, i really don't want it to be like that. So i'm trying to show them that i love them...because for some odd reason older kids don't show their parents that they love them anymore.

No more goodnight kisses for my mom. No more asking her to come sleep with me.

One night i came home late from a party and was smelling strongly like smoke. I think i mentioned this before...anyways, my mom was in my room laying in bed and i asked her what she was doing? Cause i thought it was just odd. I didn't have time to get rid of the smell (i was at a telly and everyone was smoking in the room) She said that she's going to sleep with me, and i said that its weird...i'm old now i don't want her to sleep with me. I mean i totally wouldn't have mind. The last thing i wanted to do was to crawl in bed smelling the way i did with her there.

Little did i know, that i probably hurt her feelings. Wait i did hurt her feelings. Apparently my mom was having a bad night. She was feeling quite down and couldn't really sleep. She ended up going out into my living room and sleeping on the couch.

...great daughter huh? -___________-

Well my point is, i just want to show my parents how much i love them. I don't want them to feel unwanted or not needed. I want them to have attention.

So now i eat dinner with my parents, i try to when i'm awake and know that they're having dinner.

& whenever i stay at my sisters and my mom calls me i tell her goodnight and that i love her.

Day 1 : Lisa Xu

This girl...well basically i would just do anything for her. I really do love her. ♥

She's this bubbly girl, with a great personality.
We have been through quite a lot together. So many good memories together, so many great laughs. I swear together, we can just laugh. Kind of cheesy, but she brings joy to my dull life. Seriously, so many people think that she's just a bitch...but barely anyone has really taken the chance to really get to know her. Cause she's actually something more, there's actually something about her that no one really ever bothered to figure out. People say stuff like "oh she's so obnoxious", but it's not even that bad. She may just be loud, and i don't know if everyone if just a bore or something, but she lightens up the mood in things!

I don't know, it makes me sad sometimes that people can just judge her so quickly. I mean, if you have already tried to get to know her and you still think the same way then well i can't say anything about that - people are entitled to their own opinion. However, in my opinion, i have gotten to know her and i love her the way she is, for who she is.

We have a really tight bond. Close relationship. Two peas in a pod. Daisy and Peach. They way we are with each other, its pretty funny. If people see us, they may say that we are completely lesbian for each other. Course that's not true. We are always just there for each other. Side by side. You know? Helping each other out, caring for one another. Its just how we work. We actually kind of have this sisterly type of relationship. That is what it should be called, not "lesbians" Lol. Although sometimes, we can be...:p

Sometimes we can get annoyed of each other, i'm sure of it. But it never really turns out to be anything big, because we know what we're like. All we gotta do is look past the annoyance and have patience with each other. She is someone that i definitely want in my future. I never want this to fade away. Because i really wouldn't know what i would do without her.

See? (:

30 days of letters.

This will seriously be some sort of challenge for me. I think i'll try it. Excuse me if i lag on my days. I'll do each day when i feel like it. (:
Just something to keep me going, some sort of motivation to write.

I'll start soon...

___________________________________
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling(s) (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Job Hunt

I realized that i can no longer ask my mom for money anymore.
That i will soon have my lic, car and will need to pay for my own gas.
I'm sure that my mom would give me money for gas if i needed it, but parents are struggling quite a bit...

Earlier today i asked my mom if i can buy shoes, cause i really need/want shoes, and she just wouldn't let me. Basically it had to be one nice pair of sandals that are at a good price in order for me to buy them. Can't just be some sandal that costs 30 bucks. I want to buy so much stuff, and now i just can't. Mom wont give me money anymore!

So since my mom is finally letting me get a job, i'm going to start my job hunt now. I'm in desperate need of money. My job with my sister just wont do it, because she only pays me what she feels like giving me...and its not consistent. No paycheck, nothing.

It'll be great to have my own money, and buy things on my own. Wont really need to rely on my parents anymore. Also, with a job i wont be sitting around doing nothing anymore. I'll finally be doing something useful with my life. :3

The downside about this job hunt?
Most places only hire people who are at least 18 years of age. Well what the crap...
Ever since i was little, i've been wanting a job. Ever since then i've been waiting to turn 16 because thats the age that apparently you can get a job at. Well i guess i was wrong. So wrong.

Anyone have any suggestions for me?
I'm thinking that probably food places or something would hire 16 year olds. I'll just have to look harder. Wish me luck. (:

By my side

I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna kiss you,
I just wanna love you all my life.
I normally wouldn't say this,
but I just can't contain it.
I want you here forever,
right here by my side.

I like what this guy has to say. (:
Kind of just melted to this song, kind of just made my night.
Lol, i'm such a sucker for love. :p

Invisible

I'm pretty sick of all the carelessness people have for me in the world.

That's how i feel.

I really want to go away from this place, meet new and better people. People who will give a damn about me. Its pretty gay to feel like im unwanted everywhere. The only attention i really get is probably only when some guy sees me and happens to think i'm "cute". That's only when they see me not standing next to some hot babe.

Er...seems like i complain too much.

I'm like a puppy, i just want to have company.

Starting to sound like some 40 yr old cat lady, living in an apartment complex all alone.
Lets just say that will not be me

Hi sweetie...

Girl, I don't know if you are just busy all the time or you're trying to punish me with the whole "well that's what you were doing" or trying to prove something to me. I don't really understand. Yah, you're probably just busy...all the time.

I don't know if you ever think about it like i do, i don't know if you care like i do...but all the time i'm just wondering what the hell has happened to us. Why aren't we that close anymore. I miss it all. It would just be an endless talk with you. From the morning we wake up, till we say goodnight.

Feels like you dont give a fck anymore. I don't know if i should care. Am i over reacting? Maybe i'm just over analyzing again, or i'm just caring too much. -__________-

Because you act nice, i mean you are nice...where's the friendly effort.

...sorry but i got to go.

Flake

People hate it when they get flaked on.
I know for sure that i absolutely hate being flaked on.

Honestly now, if you don't want to hang out just say so. Then i wont really give a shit.

Sorry, to the people that i have ever flaked on before, i fucking know how you feel. -_-
This is gay shit.

12:56pm. I should be in class.
I'm fucking trying to get to class right now, i can't believe i kind of just basically cut and i'm not doing shit. IM REALLY CUTTING CLASS TO STAY AT HOME TO DO NOTHING?

Fuck that shit. How the hell do i get to class. -______________________-

I'm so steamed right now.
I said i didn't want to cut in the first place, no what. Fuck.
Not like i really had a way to get to class anyways, but then i probably would have tried to find a way earlier rather than now. Fuck i'm late. I'm going to get in trouble and i don't even get to enjoy this. God dammit.

I'm so close to wanting to just take the car out so i can fucking get to class.

T_T

My parents went to Yosemite earlier today when i got home from school with my brother and his girlfriend. They will all be back tomorrow evening.

Although my mom has just been gone for a few hours, i miss her. -___-
I think its mostly because she made my sister stay here tonight to watch over me (obviously they don't trust me all that much to let me stay at home by myself for ONE night. -- don't blame them i guess...) and she didn't make or get me dinner. Excuse me, but i'm hungry. I just sat here and munched on my Cheez-its. I was going to settle with eating cereal, because i usually do that anyways when there isn't any dinner, but we ran out of milk. Great.

Well i'm hungry and grumpy. Hmph. & i miss my mother.

Fights

So i realized that i am some stupid shit.
I like to "pick fights" or something like that. I just realized that all the misery that i had in the past, were all because i brought it upon myself. Its no ones fault that i was always crying and upset over things, it was my fault. Because i'm just this sensitive thing...and i don't realize things. I don't see the bigger picture. I just get upset over nothing.

So its my fault. I get upset, and i piss the other person off, they yell at me, i cry.