Letting Go

I was awakened during my sleep by something earlier. It must have been my subconscious mind telling me something...i've say here since three just thinking to myself.

I deleted a couple of my blog posts, well actually i just reverted it back to draft. I should have more pride in myself than to actually post such pathetic things for the world to see. I only drafted a couple that sounded absolutely bad. Let's be honest here, a lot of my posts are pretty bad.

Well, i came across one of my posts saying something about how maybe one day i'll just wake up finally realize that it's time to let things go and just move forward from it all. A lot of why i've been stuck is because i've still been holding on, and talking to him. Well...this past week as been quite the reality check for me really. I guess i'm just that type of person (sadly) where i need to seriously get slapped in the face to finally realize what i need to do -- the guy put me through absolute shit, and i never took that as my sign to walk away until this moment. It's like i need to know that he, too, is done with it for me to be able to say "okay, yeah so am i". Yeah, i mean how sad is that...i know, i know.

Well it's four am now, practically and i think i'm ready to say that i'm ready to let it go. It's time to embrace myself, and move forward from the negativity. Time to pick myself up, and find myself all over again. It'll all be okay.

All this time, it's not like i was still in love with the guy. I was just stuck and lost in the transition again. Fooling myself and blinded by despair.

And in the end of it all, i hate him probably as much as i once loved him. And that could just be about the strongest sense of hate i will ever feel for a person. Makes me feel sickened that i could have once loved a person that probably never really cared, the way he made it seem like he did. But i can't say the feelings i once had for him weren't real. I can't take back that love i gave, i can't take back those words i once said and put so much time and thought to put down into words on a silly blog...because at one point those feelings were sincere. Now it's all just silly.