Doors

I'm currently in school "studying" to be a nurse. I'm struggling a little bit because my drive isn't as strong for it as it should. Being en route to be a nurse takes a lot of dedication to actually succeed in the field, but my gear shift is stuck in neutral -- often it'll even go in reverse, but i can never put myself in fully in drive.

So, as of lately, i've been thinking a lot about my future. Is nursing where i really want to be, and what other paths are there for me to take? The medical field as a career has always been something that was embedded into me as a child. There was no other door for me to choose from, so i never felt like there was anything else out there for me to even consider getting into.

This left me with a very narrow mind with what there is available out there in the real world. What other types of occupations can catch my interests.

What do i really want to be when i grow up? That question seemed so much more simple when we were children, with a broad array of answers to give. Unquestionable about what is really attainable for nimble minded children.

Something people never fail to ask though is, "what interests you". That's not asked as often as you would think, but when i do come upon that question i wonder to myself what is it that really entices me. I feel that compared to most, my answer to that question is very bland.

My answer to that question goes as follows:
"Well, i don't really know. I like to go to the gym whenever i can and i also enjoy doing my nails. Other than that, i don't really do anything else on my free time except sit around in my room and watch netflix. Sometimes, i hang out with my friends...but you know we're all busy now a days so there isn't too much time for that. My free time is also very limited now because i have school till evenings twice a week, and every day that i'm not in school i would be at work."

Once for one of my classes, the teacher asked the students to say aloud one thing that is interesting about yourself. Of course no one can really share something that is hella interesting about themselves. The most interesting thing about myself, would probably be something very private that i wouldn't share with anyone. Who can really share something truly interesting about themselves anyways? Well some succeeded in sharing an interesting fact about themselves, and when my time came i responded with, "i really enjoy doing my nails..."

I have never thought about what other doors there are for me as a career option, since nursing has always been the main thing for me. It's always been something my mother has told me i should do, and i knew that if i would make her very proud if i was able to succeed in it. But am i living my life to succeed for my mother or am i living to succeed for myself? I am asked "why do you want to be a nurse?" and in all honesty, i have a great valid reason for why i do want to be one.

It's as cliche as anyone else's answer would be: "Well, i love to help people."
I mean, i manage to say more than that. I have a whole thing i say, and it's the same every time. But the journey in becoming a nurse, that's the scary part. Dreams are suppose to scare you, aren't they. The question of every hour for me is, do i really want to be a nurse. As captivating as it does sound to me to be able to help the ill on an everyday basis, i don't know if it's what i really really want to do.

Half of my mind says yes, the other half tells me there is more.

If you read up to here, congratulations you have just read 2.5 pages if this were on Microsoft word, times new roman, double spaced, & 12 pt font.

The continued part of my thoughts is below in Doors Pt. II, if anyone cares to read. I had to break it up so it wouldn't be so overwhelming. Toodles!