It was similar to the epiphany that i had when i was younger watching Teen Moms and i realized what type of nurse i wanted to be, Labor & Delivery, but we'll get into that some other time perhaps. I was sitting here at my desk, and had just started playing the song "Stay High" by Tove Lo. When i opened up my blog it completely just hit me -- I want to be a writer.
You ever just have those moments where you realize something that has just been sitting in front of your face all that time, and your heads spins and your filled with pure joy? That basically happened to me. I'm not the best at writing, i know for darn sure i can be a whole lot better...but of all the things that bring me pleasure to life it would be writing. I've never seen it as something that i do on my free time, nor have i ever considered it as one of my interests considering that i always fail to mention it when people ask me. I figure it's because i've been doing this as a hobby for so long, that it's just part of what i do. That didn't really make too much sense.
I actually think that i've come up with this idea several times before. If money wasn't an issue, if i could pursue anything in life...it would have to be writing. I think what steered me away from the idea is the fact it is really hard to find success in such a field. When i was younger, i wanted to be an editor for cosmopolitan or something. That was a dream.
All this time i was asking myself what else there is, and i'd sit here typing on my computer wondering what else is out there for me in this life, when all along it was literally right below my finger tips.
However, there's a line between a career and a hobby as my wise friends has pointed out to me; which is exactly why i left the idea of pursuing this so called "passion" of mine in the first place, and continued on with the frustrating goal of becoming a nurse.
So maybe, this epiphany of mine is just one to have shown me what i really do enjoy in life. As a person of not so many words, this is where i like to spiel. This is where all my non spoken words throughout the day goes. The best and easiest way for me to express myself. Words are my things, and i like them typed out. I like them spoken to me, for i'm more of one to listen than to speak.
Someone once asked me if i had a linguistic fetish. Funny thing.
After i finished writing my previous post, "Doors", i decided to call it a night because that post turned out to be longer than i intended it to be, i strolled through Facebook and stumbled upon something on my news feed that one of my Facebook friends posted. "What Career are You Meant For?" How appropriate is it that as i'm sitting here in the middle of the night thinking about what i should really do with my life, this pops up on my newsfeed. So, i decided to take the silly quiz thinking to myself how bogus these things really are. I answered it as truthfully as i thought, and you wouldn't believe the answer it came up with.
Well fuck the shit out of me, if the Lord isn't giving me a sign right now then this must be some twisted joke. I really lost my shit and texted Justin how i can't believe it. I know, it's silly.
Perhaps, i'll keep my writing as a hobby. I'd love to improve on my writing skills and be more proper with it. I've head some say that when they made their hobbies there work, it became more as work and less of a hobby. So, i have that to consider as well.
This whole night of thinking about what i could do with my life has been fun and delightful, but i still feel stuck with what i want to do despite the sign i got earlier today.
Wish me luck, i suppose.
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